Zaccheus Was Never a Mountain

Zacchaeus Was Never a Mountain,

But He May Have Moved One

When He Was Only a Kid

 

Voltaire famously said: “God is a comedian

Playing to an audience that is afraid to laugh.”

 

But if that is so, I do not think that the Almighty is all that funny �"

Especially when it comes to subjecting me to the high drama

Of unsolicited physical change;

 

Which is different from spiritual or intellectual change

Because it rarely turns out for the good.

 

But a few days ago, my daughter asked me

If I thought I might be getting shorter.

 

I said that I hardly thought so, but agreed to be measured

Because I like it when loved ones express even scientific interest in me.

And the idea of a man shrinking with age seemed like a good metaphor

 

For how I feel about my life generally �"

 

And strong metaphors about a person’s life are hard to come by

When all the good ones have already been taken by his enemies.

 

More importantly, what if it were true? What if I was shrinking?

But I was confident that I had not shrunk,

As I am 70 years old �" Not 90!

 

And from what I can tell,

 

II still tower over a multitude of people

Who are persuaded to embrace dotage

As a doable, if not a satisfying lifestyle.

 

Yet I have indeed shrunk by more than an inch �"

And that has caused me to consider purchasing a firearm

Because I am no longer an imposing 72-inch mountain of a man,

But less than a seventy-one-inch Zacchaeus who is, of course,

More likely to provoke the attention of predatory individuals.

 

Now, when I look in the mirror, I see nothing that suggests

That I was ever a mountain, or anyone other than Zacchaeus.

 

I suspect that young people conclude the same about me,

And that is an outrage �" and even an ignominious scandal

 

Because I like talking with young people

And have interesting things to say to them.

 

But there is a standard one must measure up to

If one is to project a believable air of sage wisdom,

 

And I believe I have fallen below that line.

 

Conversely, my much-criticized adolescence

May have been the tallest period of my life.

 

I transitioned from the ideals and wondrous visions of make-believe

To the nasty reality of knowing what grown-ups really think of each other.

 

It was by far the most astounding revelation of my life.

 

Yet, I had a rebellious new body that demanded my attention,

And in every instance had ambitions of its own.