Hello Old Friend

Hello Old Friend, it's been a while since I've felt your presence.

I thought perhaps I had finally severed our tie,

That I had finally found how to live my life without you,

To be happy regularly as others are.

Hello Old Friend, I must ask you to leave.

However, I cannot force you to go, I have a masochistic tie to you.

I say leave, but my actions say do as you please.

If anything, I think I may dwell on you so hard, that I myself have invoked your presence.

Hello Old Friend, please tell me how to escape your grasp.

The embrace you give is so familiar and suffocating as always.

It is cold and deep, but I am so numb, it almost feels warm.

Like a Chinese finger trap, the more a struggle the tighter you squeeze.

Hello Old Friend, I am becoming weaker each time you visit.

The longer you stay away, the weaker I am against you,

The longer you leave, the more I let myself pretend to be normal,

Each time my defenses to deal with you shrinking away, away, away.

Hello Old Friend, I cannot breathe this time.

My chest feels you sitting on it,

My limbs feel you holding them down,

My mind feels the fog rolling in.

Hello Old Friend, you must have known Edgar Allen Poe,

Because like him, "I have not been as others were".

This visit has just begun and I have finally realized the truth.

You will be with me until the end of time, Friends Forever.

Author's Note

Too much built up emotions.
Reviews are always helpful. I really am convinced I can't actually write, that most people are just too nice.
But that is also emotion just leaking out.

Reviews

[Nusquam Esse]

If I was to state a single flaw with this, it would be that many of the lines come across as too wordy. Without a clear pattern, beat, tempo, cadence... this feels more akin to prose than poetry. Perhaps find ways of eliminating 'transitional' words, using less passive speech and avoid being dramatic in your syntax. The idea being that such things prevent you from being concise, and hold you back from establishing a rhythm. You could also try splitting up your lines to allow it to flow better. Your second sentence is also confusing, since you have a typo in it. Furthermore, punctuation is not necessary in poetry unless it clarifies a meaning or pace; line breaks provide this function just fine.

All that aside, I find the presentation of an 'Old Friend' to be intriguing... amazing how something which causes us so much pain and confusion can still be consigned to an eternal friendship all the same. Your final line really cuts; as we realize that the cycle can never end... certainly not as long as we are unable to let go of a 'friend'.

[ImRan kabir]

Sea of feelings .....really i like it..

[gorillarock]

This content paints a superb picture of what it's like to feel the onset of depression, over and over again. The "wordy" nature of this piece is absolutely necessary! Time and time again I have shared this moment, and it's inevitable... I just think and think and think and think. Wishing my words would make it stop, a if I could talk it out of my mind. Your longest line:

"If anything, I think I may dwell on you so hard, that I myself have invoked your presence."

is the line that strikes through my heart. This line is the mouth of the beast and is the hardest fact of depression to overcome. The length of it is appropriate! This realization obligates time to fathom and experience. Depression is slow, without care for cadence, without ears for beat, without logic for pattern. It is simply dismal and tragically repetitious.

I love that you capture the fact that depression is not you. It is an imaginary friend that... that's out to ruin your life. More of an old enemy that you have accepted as an inevitable part of your life. "I cannot breathe this time" is when I first recognized it in myself... powerful moments.

A note to punctuation. Dont stop. Those tiny little dots signal a pause for me when I reach them, and although they are not necessary for poetry, they are necessary for this poem. I would have glazed over phrases without taking in the power behind them. To stop and consider "I cannot breathe this time." as opposed to allowing myself to jump to the next line right away... this was your source of power to accentuate every important detail.

My apologies to Nusquam Esse, but I do not believe this piece should be altered to fit any form. The emotion behind depression was so clearly conveyed with depth and understanding. If your next piece is about baby hands, then take his wisdom with you! I know I have taken his knowledge for myself :P (sorry if your a woman!)

Thank you for sharing!

[Victoria Nakis]

I am glad my point was understood so easily. I understand what Nusquam was saying, their critique is a flaw I generally carry through most of my poems so I appreciate the honesty.

But, in this case, your comment is more relevant. I am very pleased to see that you were able to feel what I was writing and why I had done so. Thank you very much.