Rainstorm

The thunder fills the empty space
until he is deafened by it,
and he cowers
beneath cotton mountains
in a futile attempt to escape the noise.
But it follows after.

Droplets fall against panes,
heavy and hot,
burning,
burning,
burning,
and he is suddenly exposed like glass,
transparent and far too vulnerable.

Soon, he assures,
the sky must run dry,
and the chaos must calm,
and then he will be okay.
But he is a silent rainstorm, a hurricane,
and no one, not even himself,
will understand that this is only the eye.

Reviews

[John the Baptist]

I think this one may possibly describe an inner experience rather than an actual phenomenon of nature. If so, I think it must be some kind of anxiety attack. The last verse says the subject is the rainstorm. It also says what is occurring now is only the eye, which means things are going to get much, much worse. Very well and clearly written, very insightful piece.

[The Pilgrim]

You hit it right on the nose. Thank you for the review!

[Relic]

It's possible this might be too literal in some spots but the ending is ominous and scary to think about. Those last words hit like a brick.

Nicely done.

[The Pilgrim]

Could you elaborate on which parts are too literal? If revising it would help, I'd like to know what parts should be fixed. Thanks.

[Relic]

and he cowers
beneath cotton mountains? Do you mean clouds? Cowering under a mountain would be pretty difficult for anyone.


the empty space (I'm not sure if you mean space as in stars or something psycological?

until he is deafened by it, (I don't ever recall hearing of anyone being deafened by thunder.


hot,
burning,
burning,
burning,

Do raindrops get hot?

[The Pilgrim]

The cotton mountains refer to his sheets. He is cowering beneath his blankets. Because of that, the space around him under the covers is dark and empty except for the presence of himself. The thunder is not thunder but his own crying, which can in fact "deafen" you if there is nothing else going on. The deafening is meant to imply it is overwhelming to himself. Those are his tears. Tears are commonly described as hot, depending on how hard you are actually crying. In this case, very hard. Lack of oxygen and the effort of getting all out heats your skin, which then makes tears feel warm. I hope that clears it up for you! :)

[The Pilgrim]

I did not write it literally. You simply read it that way. It's about an emotional breakdown. I wrote it while having an emotional breakdown during a period of extreme stress. I'm sorry that the metaphor to a storm was confusing.