only this once

it was a sunny and windy cold day, no cloud in the sky and no plans for the night. She walked over to her friends classroom, Ndale. As they spoke of their day, the plans for the night came up, Ndale proposed the concert, she told Lilly to come with her, to her apartment and take off from there to the concert. Lilly thought it would be a great idea. Ndale asked Lilly is she would change, Lilly looked down on herself, and said in a wish of approval voice "its a concert, I don't think I would need to change, right?" Ndale said with a voice of wisdom "you never know who you'll meet." Lilly thought as she always did, who ever she meets will like her for who she is, not how her breasts look with that shirt or if the color of her cloths make the color of her eyes pop (which are small and brown, which wouldn't even be visible in a concert if they aren't green or light blue or even grey).
So of the two went on to Ndales apartment, in a building, signed for teachers and others but not students. Ndale got a tiny weensy small room where the two of them could barely fit in it. Ndale had to ask for help in school, she couldn't stay in her old apartment the contract had expired and she was too busy at school to remember to renew it, and the tenant rented the place to another student.
As they where on the way out, Ndale thought to invite a man she knew, Jef a young fellow, tall, slim, blond, blue eyes and freckled skinned man who at the moment had nothing else to do but play his guitar. As he opened the door, Lilly stood back peeking into his room, he was wearing bright blue runners, "like the color of his eyes" she thought. She barely spoke until they started walking, she let Ndale do all the talking, she knew him more so there was more conversation to be done and less uncomfortable silence. Lilly would hear his responses, she likes his tone of voice and his accent.
They kept walking to the concert (it was quite far) making one or two stops along the way, more conversation done by Ndale, Lilly answered questions he asked, and after she would ask him some as well.
They had found out, he had been to her home country, and he loved it. He asked her why she had left, she explained all the reasons and more. He seemed interesting to her. But she didn't know why exactly. But she new he had caught her eye and more.
At the arrival of the concert Lilly introduced him to her classmates. They got separated as they went inside. He went over to some friends he knew who where at one side of the room, and she stayed with her classmates and Ndale, at the other side. As the opening band played, she turned to be surprised how Jef played with his friends kids and how adorable they looked. She could not help but feel it start inside her. She denied it, but she new it was there.
At the end of the concert she ran into him, who was talking to one of her classmates. They spoke and then he left with one of his friends who he had ran into inside. Her classmate turned and said to her "He looks nice, I think he likes you"  and smiled. Lilly thought "Dear God I hope so" and said "really? How do you know?" Her classmate smiled once more and said "I can tell."

Days went on, Friday nights at the local pub came and went until another party came up. Lily was there looking at her classmates dance, laughing with them and enjoying the night. She turned to scan the room again and found him, there. Locking eyes he approached her, she was now nervous. Hoping not to say anything stupid all she could do was great him with a simple "hi". All she could think of where topics to talk about without looking desperate to make small talk. Moments came and went but nothing she hope to happen, happened.
He would lean close to her to speak at a party and she had to think of something else then what he was actually doing, otherwise her face would get much more red than it was when speaking to him closely. He would speak into her eyes but he did nothing else, and she did not know what to do.

After those encounters, she couldn't stop thinking about him when she wasn't working on her assignments, at times one or two thoughts of him would come and invade her mind, but she would quickly remove them. she (as all other women do) created this fictional version of him in her head, with all the bits and pieces she collected from small conversations with him, she built her version of him. Filling the blanks where never a good thing in these situations, but non the less she did and quickly became illusioned with scenarios she made up in her head of how things could be, would be, day dreaming more often as the time of her stay there grew smaller. Her course would soon be over and she had at least spoken with him for a few hours all together.
     Lilly became more attached to the dream man she created than she thought. She barely spoke with Jef as it was, she only met him or ran into him at parties and barely spoke there. Soon she was to leave and he hadn't even asked her out. She thought he had a girlfriend but then discarded that hypothesis with actual facts. Every time they met she thought, this time I will make something happen. Every time they met, she was proved wrong by him.

Her last week there, she felt more paranoid, more like a teenager in high school who had a crush on the cool kid. She hated it. At times she couldn't wait to leave everything behind, and at others she wished she had done things differently and wondered how things would be now if she did. All she could do, was think about the brief moments she spent with him, the look he would give her, how it made her feel. Sometimes she wished to forget, other to go back in time and change it all.
"Only this once will I let this happen to me. I wont give my thought to some man who barely knows me, who barely speaks to me, who doesn't even look for me when he knows I'm around and to be found" she said to herself with anger in her voice and sadness in her eyes. She was once more, disillusioned. "Only this one time had I ever felt like this, is it to make me realize that I can be loured in with that? Is it all just a game to them all the time? Why do they always have to do this to me? Why do I always feel the wrong way for the wrong guys? Only this once and no more shall I fall in disgrace for one flesh of a man who doesn't do anything to deserve my time in thoughts and feeling, in hopes and dreams. Only this once will I let myself go. Not once more will I allow such a thing to be done to me. You sir, Mr. Shy will not take it again from me. You will not see me like this for you any more. I will not be made a fool again, this time, only this once." She told herself, with pride she said "only this once". Only this once, she hoped.