Depressions Truth

This is a poem I did awhile ago, it's about my inner stuggle with manic depression something I have dealt with for 20 years and will always have to deal with.

No matter how many times the sunsets echo through my head

The darkness is what keeps me awake and keeps me in place

Because I’m as unstable as the changing earth beneath are feet

With no voice of my own and no hope to keep me from sinking below the surface of a slippery slope

The wounds open, I’m crawling again

Pushing and clawing on my insides I can’t find my way out

You’ve pulled me down with you

Your voice is all I hear eating away at the promises I made myself to make it all heal

People don’t understand

It’s not just a rain cloud over someone’s head

It would make more sense if you said it was like being put in a coffin and lowered into your own grave

You want to get better at the same time you don’t

Wanting someone to reach out but pushing them away

Letting the darkness eat away on your insides till there’s nothing left anymore

Emotional and physical pain

Lying in bed till your thoughts fade away into endless clouds of gray

Wishing there was someone to relate to, so you could let it all out

But at the same time hiding it all so maybe you’ll somehow feel alive

This isn’t a faze it’s not something I can just make go away

It’s real and it’s alive, it’s not just some monster waiting inside

It’s a war inside my head no one else can feel or see

Not even the doctor has all the answers to fix me

It’s not a choice it’s not a joke

You can wish it would go away but it will always cling on tightly

It’s a fight I don’t always win

But I refuse to completely lose when its grip takes hold

 

 

Author's Note

sorry if this seems hard to follow but it's just all from my head and what I feel