It hurts deep inside

she leave me alone. Here i am feeling very lonely.

why does it have to hurt inside?
why do i have to cry each night?
i think i have to walk on way,
thus i'm starting to lose my sight,

what is that changed her mind?
who is that keeps her blind?
why did she change so fast?
did she really have to leave me behind?

i start to think about all we had,
and how it turned this way,
i guess i'll have to leave her side,
and turn my face away,

although my soul will die,
although my heart will cry,
i've nothing else to do,
i'm hurt deep inside,

But although i'll leave her side,
she'll be always in my mind,
my heart and soul will ache for her,
every day and every night,

she is my never-ending love,
the love that keeps me alive,
she is the one i'll love forever,
although it hurts inside.

Reviews

[Nayan]

Good write!

The meaning is well visible, and we can relate to it! The 4th and the 5th stanzas are my pick, as this is quite true for us, when we are heart-broken (though we are angry and want to leave the person who has hurt us, we still remember and can't forget completely)

Now on the rhyming part.

Nice rhyme starts with an abcb in 1st para,
changes to aaba in 2nd,
again goes back to abcb in 3rd.

Though the last three stanzas have not so much rhyme, still the 4th and the 5th ones are felt great to read, specially the last words ('inside' in 4th, and 'night' in 5th)

Please don't get hurt by my review. The poem is very nice. Once I get into the flow, I won't even notice the rhymes. Very real emotions have been expressed.

I just tried to be honest to what I felt, and how this piece can be refined into a much more beautiful art-form using little bit more rhyming words... :)

Keep writing... :)

[Vaishali..^_^]

Awww..Beautifully sad..:( Great work..:)