You Could Say...

A poem I just thought of now. I'm not depressed or anything, it's just sort of a vent. Dedicated to all my friends who "truly see."

You could say I’m too sensitive,

You could say I act strange,

You could say I laugh too much,

But could you say you know how I feel?

 

You may not understand,

You may not really see,

You may not learn or care to know,

How I can truly be.

 

You could say I’m blonde,

You could say I have blue eyes,

You could say I’m a bit chunky,

But could you say you know how I really am?

 

You may not understand,

You may not really see,

You may not learn or care to know,

How I can truly be.

 

You could say I’m your friend,

You could say I’m nice,

You could say I’m funny,

But could you say you know the deeper part of me?

 

You may not understand,

You may not really see,

But I guess it’s time that I should trust,

You really truly see.

Author's Note

One of my first poems, so go easy on me! But truly, I'd want some feedback

Reviews

[Sasha]

This actually isn't that bad at all. I appreciated the repitition and the bit of rhyme you had going on. My one real complaint is that you got cheap in the last stanza and rhymed "see" twice. That always irks me. :P
For a start, you did very well. I've seen "seasoned" writers do worse. Just write what you feel. Getting better will come naturally.

[Kelly M.]

Not bad... I had never known I could write poems until last night. Lol. Hope you could give me some feedback as well!

[A]

It seems to incline some inward delemma that we all have within ourselves. Judgement rules our eyes first hand, negating the inward soul. I like that this poem shows our weakness to actually share and put ourselves out there. Its an inward argument that ends in trusting "yourself" and putting yourself out there ...but, not caring what others may think about you in the end. I really like this poem!

[Cherrie Palmer]

Poems are truley for the poet and no one else. If someone else can relate to what you have created it gives you a feeling of satisfation, but with or without their opinion, it dosen't take away from your creation.

This piece has a good flow and creates images that carry you through the piece.

[Michael X]

Overworded and cliche- all the making of a distaster, but is great practice.
personally I couldn't get past the first four lines, but thats not to say
that you don't have potential, bcause looking at the form, there is a quality.
the rhymes are a bit uneven in one spot. keep practicing you'll get the hang of it

[Red]

As I was reading this i found it has a nice flow. Sometimes when i'm reading poems I get sick of them due to the same old stuff i see in all other poems: I hate life or my life sucks so much more than yours does. I think this has some moodieness (if thats a word...) in this, yes I know, it is expressing your fellings, but i fell that you mostly just making a point not an opinion. You're probably one of the better poem writers on writerscafe. Great job!