Prologue

A Chapter by vpineda

TO SAY THAT TODAY WAS THE FIRST TIME I THOUGHT ABOUT YOU IN MONTHS WOULD BE A LIE. HOWEVER, TODAY WAS THE FIRST TIME THAT I THOUGHT ABOUT YOU IN MONTHS. THE FIRST TIME I LET MYSELF GO BACK TO THAT PLACE- THE ONE THAT CONNECTS YOUR DUSTY, BEAT UP CORNER LOCATED FOREVER IN THE BASIN OF MY HEART, TO THE EVER-CONSCIOUS BRAIN WAVES OF MY MIND THAT ARE CONSTANTLY FIGHTING OFF THE IDEA OF YOU.

I DON’T KNOW IF IT WAS THE WEATHER, OR MAYBE JUST THE FACT THAT I WAS TIRED OF PRETENDING TO FORGET EVERYTHING, BUT I DID, I LET YOU IN AGAIN. AND I REGRETTED IT INSTANTLY. I MISSED YOU INSTANTLY. I NEEDED YOU INSTANTLY. IT WASN’T PRETTY EITHER, I’M TALKING ABOUT HORRIFIC, HEART CONSUMING DESIRE TO HAVE YOU BACK IN MY LIFE. JUST TO SEE YOU WOULD BE NICE. I NEED THE FAMILIARITY OF YOUR LAUGH AND THE COMFORT OF YOUR SMILE. I NEED YOU TO KISS
THE CROOK OF MY NOSE WHEN YOU KNOW I’M UPSET, JUST LIKE OLD TIMES.

    WHEN I THOUGHT ABOUT YOU TODAY I SUDDENLY HAD THE URGE TO RUN MY HANDS THROUGH THAT SOFT CARAMEL HAIR AND STYLE IT LIKE JAMES DEAN TO MATCH THE CIGARETTES IN YOUR HAND AND THE MAGICAL, TERRIFYING BEWILDERMENT OF YOUR RECKLESS, SPOTTY SOUL. I WANTED TO TRAIL KISSES FROM THE NOOK OF YOUR NECK DOWN TO THE TIPS OF YOUR TOES, AND EVERY MUSCLE GROUP IN BETWEEN.
RIGHT NOW I NEED YOU TO TELL ME A BAD JOKE, IN HOPES TO STOP THE PUDDLE OF TEARS FORMING AT THE BASE OF MY UNDEFINED JAWLINE, FALLING PAST MY COLLARBONES TO THE PART OF ME THAT GETS MORE MESSY, MORE COMPLICATED, MORE MIXED UP AND WASHED OUT, AND FOREVER, PERHAPS ALWAYS, VERY ALONE.
    AS CLICHE AS IT SOUNDS, I NEED YOU TO WRAP ME UP IN YOUR ARMS,LIKE A CHILD SWADDLING A NEWBORN, AND TELL ME THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY. THAT WE’LL MAKE IT. THAT YOU WANT US TO. THAT YOU LOVE ME…
    BECAUSE I AM NOT JUST SIMPLY MISSING YOU. I AM MISSING FROM YOU. AND I FEAR THAT I’LL SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE LOOKING FOR THAT MISSING PIECE; TRYING TO PUT THE PRECIOUS PUZZLE OF YOU AND I BACK TOGETHER.