Wiindigo - Work in Progress

Wiindigo - Work in Progress

A Stage Play by vukcic
"

WIP

"

An old, rustic cabin, with cabin stuff as décor. Waning daylight is seen through windows. A man, EDWARD, and a woman, MAGGIE, are seen. EDWARD reads a newspaper while MAGGIE prepares food. EDWARD reads the newspaper for several minutes, then snorts and laughs.



MAGGIE


What?


EDWARD


Nothing.


EDWARD continues reading while MAGGIE continues cooking.


MAGGIE


How do you like your eggs?


EDWARD


I don’t.


MAGGIE


You don’t like eggs?


EDWARD


No. I hate them. Look at them.


MAGGIE looks at an egg.


MAGGIE


What about them?


EDWARD


No, really, just study it.


MAGGIE studies the egg.


MAGGIE


What? It’s just an egg.


EDWARD


There’s a chicken fetus inside. A little baby chicken jelly that would have been a big healthy chicken. I

can’t eat something that is so clearly a fetus.


MAGGIE


You think about this stuff?


EDWARD


You don’t?


MAGGIE


Not really…I mean, it’s just an egg. It’s food. So what if it’s a chicken fetus? I don’t really like birds that

much anyway. When I was 10 a peacock bit a chunk out of my finger.


EDWARD


That’s ridiculous. Peafowl are herbivorous.


MAGGIE


This one had the bloodlust.


EDWARD


Maybe he was seeking retribution for all the avian fetuses you’ve devoured.


MAGGIE


Maybe they don’t treat animals very well at the petting zoo at White Plains, Saskatchewan.


EDWARD goes back to reading. MAGGIE continues cooking. Moments pass.


EDWARD


Wait.


MAGGIE


What?


EDWARD


You’re Canadian?


MAGGIE


Yeah, why?


EDWARD


I…You didn’t say you were Canadian.


MAGGIE


Is that a problem? I’m proud of my Canadianism.


EDWARD


I just didn’t know. I figured you were American.


MAGGIE


What’s the difference? So I’m from north of the border. There are a lot of Canadians in the States you

might not realize.


EDWARD


The way you talk one would begin to suspect some sort of Canadian conspiracy.


MAGGIE


Yeah, I go to monthly meetings.


EDWARD


Are they held at Tim Horton’s?


MAGGIE


Yes. Mainly we just gossip about hockey and maple syrup.


EDWARD


Anyone I know a member?


MAGGIE


You’d be surprised. I usually carpool with Celine Dion and Alex Trebek.


EDWARD


Don’t you mean moose-pool?


MAGGIE


Of course, silly me. We trek through the harsh Canadian wilderness on mooseback.


EDWARD


Seriously, though. I don’t mean to upset you but I didn’t tell my mother you were Canadian. So if you

would, when she arrives, neglect to mention it, I’d appreciate it.


MAGGIE


It would be a problem?


EDWARD


My mother is very patriotic.


MAGGIE


It’s not like I’m North Korean or something. Canada is just like a less ugly America.


EDWARD


Don’t even pretend you don’t have WalMarts in Canada. Just keep quiet about it, though. Don’t

mention the metric system, or loonies and toonies, or Medicine Hat, Ontario.


MAGGIE


Medicine Hat is in Alberta, not Ontario. Do you know anything about Canada that you didn’t learn

from American television?


EDWARD


Is there anything else?


MAGGIE


Not really.


EDWARD


When my mother arrives, if she asks, tell her you’re from Minnesota. That’s the closest thing to

Canada I can think of without actually having to be there.


MAGGIE


I don’t understand why this is such a big-


The smoke alarm begins to sound. She’s burning toast.


-D****t, d****t d****t. D****t!


EDWARD


Woah there. I don’t think that language is appropriate on the CBC.


MAGGIE


Oh, I burned the damn toast.


EDWARD


How did you do that?


MAGGIE


I don’t know.


EDWARD


The toaster is designed specifically to prevent user error.


MAGGIE


I don’t know okay? It must have been jammed or something.


EDWARD


That’s what you do after you make the toast.


MAGGIE


Huh?


EDWARD


Nevermind.


MAGGIE


Can you help me here? I can’t get the toast out.


EDWARD gets up and enters the kitchen area. He puts on his glasses and inspects the toaster.


EDWARD


There’s a penny in there.


MAGGIE


I have no idea how that got in there.


EDWARD


We’ve been here in my mother’s cabin for one night. How did you manage to lose a penny in the

toaster?


MAGGIE


Oh I remember.


EDWARD


What did you do?


MAGGIE


Well, I was tossing pennies at that cup there. I must have missed.


EDWARD


Are you twelve years old?


MAGGIE


No.


EDWARD


Well, you broke my mother’s auxiliary toaster. She’ll be irked.


MAGGIE


Irked?


EDWARD


Yes, irked. They have that word in Canada don’t they?


MAGGIE


Listen, if I knew this Canada thing would have been such a big deal I would have mentioned it, okay?

But the drive up here was going so well I didn’t want to ruin it.


EDWARD


It wasn’t going that well. You talk in your sleep.


MAGGIE


Well, it’s a long drive to Trapper Creek from Anchorage.


EDWARD


It wasn’t even three hours.


MAGGIE


What did I say while I was sleeping then?


EDWARD


Nothing really that interesting.


MAGGIE


Well, it ruined your drive you said. So it has to be somewhat jarring.


EDWARD


I remember very clearly you said, “This ain’t a ancient ritual, this is backgammon,” then you said “You

eat half, I eat half. We cut down the middle like gingerbread man.”


MAGGIE


Hmm.


EDWARD


That’s it? Just hmm?


MAGGIE


What do you want me to say? That I was dreaming of devouring you while playing board games?


EDWARD


What are you, 90 years old? Who plays backgammon?


MAGGIE


I don’t know. I’ve never played it. I don’t know why I was dreaming of it. Maybe it’s a sign that I’m

really bored in this stuffy cabin and we should do something.


EDWARD


Like what? There’s nothing to do. We’re going to wait for mother to arrive, you’re going to pretend

you’re my lovely girlfriend, we’re going to eat a tasty meal that does not require the use of the toaster,

then we’ll sleep, she’ll leave, then I will pay you, and we’ll never see each other again.


MAGGIE


That all sounds so business-y. Can’t we be friends?


EDWARD


Why? We have nothing in common.


MAGGIE


Sure we do. We’re both, I don’t know, people. We both have opinions on the best way to prepare an

egg. I prefer over hard, you prefer liberated from dietary constraints. We both hate backgammon?


EDWARD


I don’t hate it. I used to love it. My mother and I often played it here, at this cabin, when I was

younger.


MAGGIE


So you and your mom came up here alone?


EDWARD


No, of course not. My brother and my father we’re here too.


MAGGIE


Where are they now?


EDWARD


Dead.


MAGGIE


Oh, sorry.


EDWARD


Did you murder them?


MAGGIE


No. I don’t think so. No.


EDWARD


Then you don’t have to be sorry. Besides, that was a long time ago.


MAGGIE


So did you grow up around here?


EDWARD


Anchorage. After high school I went to college in Seattle and now I only visit. And even that seems too

much sometimes. I hate it here.


MAGGIE


You know, sometimes when I have to do something I hate, I just pretend it’s something awesome

instead, and it gets easier.


EDWARD


Thanks, I’ll try that.


MAGGIE


You’re welcome.


EDWARD


Also, when my mother gets here, try not to say stupid things like that.


MAGGIE


Don’t be rude.


EDWARD


She’s very judgmental, and she does not under any circumstances suffer fools.


MAGGIE


I’m not a fool.


EDWARD


I believe you, but you do have a tendency to sound like one.


MAGGIE


I’ll just remain silent and attentive like a good house woman.


EDWARD


Woman’s lib sarcasm aside…do that.


The doorbell rings.


EDWARD


That’s her now. Behave, smile, be pretty. This is important and if you blow it I’m not going to pay you.


MAGGIE


You have my solemn oath that your mother will love the crap out of me.


EDWARD sighs and opens the door. JACK CRAVEN enters, carrying a fire ax, dragging the body of ANDREI. He slams the door behind him and stares at EDWARD.


JACK


Hi.


EDWARD


What is this?! What’s going on?! Who are you?! Maggie, call some-


JACK


-One question at a time, if you would. I confuse easily.


EDWARD


Get out!


JACK


I can’t. This is important.


EDWARD


I can’t have you here! Who are you? Who is that? Are you a psycho killer?


JACK


Come on, friend, one question at a time. I can’t keep up.


EDWARD


Who are you?


JACK


See? That isn’t so hard. We humans get so worked up over simple details. We just need to step back,

take a breath, and just calm down a little, am I right?


EDWARD


Who are-


JACK


Am I right?


EDWARD


Sure. You’re right.


JACK


What about you over there, missy? You think so too, right?


MAGGIE


You’re right.


JACK


Good. Now we’re calm, we’re settled. We’re ready for introductions. Johnathan Craven is my name,

but I prefer Jack. So call me Jack.


JACK extends his hand to EDWARD. EDWARD does not shake.


EDWARD


I’m Edward Haddon.


JACK


Nice to meet you, Edward Haddon. And who might you be, sweetheart?


MAGGIE


M-M-Maggie.


JACK


(Mocking stutter) M-M-Maggie? That a family name?


EDWARD


What are you doing here?


JACK


I'll explain in a minute, but right now this here's my number one priority.


EDWARD


But you can’t be here!


JACK


Oh? Ain’t you gonna show me any hospitality? You’d turn out a weary traveler into this cold, cold

Alaskan evening? Do I look like I’m prepared to sleep in a f*****g cave?


EDWARD


Who is that man?


JACK


Oh, him? He’s no man. He’s evil.


MAGGIE


Evil?


JACK


Evil to the bones, missy. Evil right to the marrow. He ain’t no man, as Edward Haddon and Jack Craven

are men. No ma’am.


EDWARD


He looks like a man to me.


JACK


Sure, he looks like a man all right. That’s how they get you. They wrap themselves up in man-shaped

suits and play your better angels, but they ain’t gonna fool me any more.


EDWARD


If he isn’t a man, then what is he?


EDWARD turns to MAGGIE and mimes a phone call.


JACK


That ain’t gonna do you no good.


EDWARD


What?


JACK


Gettin’ your ladyfriend to call the police. The line’s been cut.


EDWARD


You cut the line?


JACK


Not me. Him. (He prods the body with his ax) He did it. He was gonna get you folks tonight. I saved

you.


EDWARD


You saved us? What is it? What is he? Tell us.


JACK


You hear stories, sometimes. Whispers, really. In the corners of bars, in back alleys at night. Never out in the open, talking with the civility and politeness that we humans here talk with right now. These

stories are the stuff that will nail your lids to your forehead so you never sleep again. There’s evil in

the snowfall, Edward and M-m-Maggie. Evil that’ll come out and get you, and your families’ll never

see you again. That’s what he is.


EDWARD


Can’t you just use a name or something?


JACK


Wiindigo.


EDWARD


Wiindi-what now?


JACK


Wiindigo.


MAGGIE


What’s a wiindigo?


JACK


A spirit, comes to you in the snow, looks like a man but it ain’t. They feast on us humans, chew on our

bones.


MAGGIE


And that’s a wiindigo?


JACK


You bet your sweet a*s it is.


EDWARD


How can you be sure? It looks like a normal person.


JACK


I’ve been tracking this one for weeks. It only comes out to feed during snowstorms, and I’ve been

waiting.


MAGGIE


I made toast.


JACK


Well, by what I can smell I’ll stick with bread, but I appreciate your kindness, sweetheart.


EDWARD


So what do we do now? I can have this body in the middle of the floor when mother arrives.


JACK


Who?


EDWARD


My mother is due to arrive any moment. I need to make sure everything goes well, and corpses are

not something that will aid in that.


JACK


There’s only one way to be sure the spirit of the wiindigo is truly dead.


EDWARD


What is it?


JACK


You ain’t gonna like it.


EDWARD


What?


JACK


No, really. You ain’t gonna like it at all.


MAGGIE


What is it? Tell us.


JACK


You gotta eat it.


EDWARD


You’re insane.


JACK


You know, I hear that so often I might start believin’ it.


MAGGIE


I will not eat that body. I just made lunch.


EDWARD


I can’t take this anymore. You have to leave this instant.


JACK


I ain’t leavin’.


EDWARD


You must.


EDWARD tries to push JACK toward the door. JACK buttends EDWARD in the face with the ax handle.

EDWARD stumbles back and falls into the chair. MAGGIE gasps and grabs a cleaver.


JACK


See? Your lady has the right idea. Bring that cleaver over here sweetie, he’s got some nice haunches

that will do mighty tasty with the right hollandaise.


EDWARD holds his nose.


EDWARD


You’re a madman.


JACK


Listen, Edward Haddon. I’m doin’ this for your own good. This wiindigo was stalkin’ you, I was watchin’

it. It was gonna eat you and M-m-Maggie over there and laugh while it picked little bits of you out of

its teeth with the nail of his little finger. If we don’t eat him, he’ll get a new man-suit and come back to

finish what he started. Is that something you want? You wanna get ate?


EDWARD


No.


JACK


Right. Who does? ‘Sides tapeworms I guess, but that ain’t what we’re talkin’ about.


MAGGIE


Do I have to?


JACK


Yes ma’am you do. Everyone who lays eyes on a wiindigo has to eat the wiindigo or it can come back.

We don’t want that do we?


MAGGIE


No.


JACK


Good girl. So. We got some work cut out for us.


JACK laughs hysterically. Lights fade.



SCENE 2



Same set. Dark. EDWARD stands by the door.


EDWARD


Where are you mother? It’s been hours. You should have been here.


MAGGIE enters from the kitchen, wearing oven mitts.


MAGGIE


She’s probably decided to stay in Anchorage for the night. The snow’s getting worse. Stop worrying.

You’ll ruin your appetite.


EDWARD


She would have called.


MAGGIE


She can’t call, remember? The phones are dead.


EDWARD


I hate not knowing.


MAGGIE


It’ll be okay. She’ll get here as soon as the snow clears up.

EDWARD

You don't know that. You don't know what this snow can do to travelers.


MAGGIE


Just because we don't really know each other-


EDWARD


-You're right. We don't know each other. I'm not paying you for your condescension. So just keep it to yourself.


MAGGIE, miffed, returns to the kitchen. She begins to prepare a very large soup pot, adding water and vegetables. EDWARD paces between the window and the door.


MAGGIE


What do you need me for anyway?


EDWARD


I meet you in Seattle, you agree to travel over 2500 miles with me on a whim and the promise of money, you go along with these ridiculous circumstances, and you just now think to ask me that? Now? After everything?


MAGGIE


I figured you were gay.


EDWARD


How dare you make assumptions about me.


MAGGIE


I'm just making conversation. If you being gay is still a touchy subject or whatever, I'll stop.


EDWARD


I'm not gay.


MAGGIE


Then what is it? What do you need me for? You can't get a girlfriend the normal way?


EDWARD


It's complicated.


MAGGIE


Are you a weirdo or something? (She continues adding ingredients into the soup) Like, do you collect your toenail clippings to make a mosaic of Walter Cronkite or something?


EDWARD


Of course not.


MAGGIE


Good, because an ex of mine did that, and those jars get heavy.


EDWARD


My mother is very judgmental.


MAGGIE


So I heard.


EDWARD


I...just...it'd mean a lot.


MAGGIE


Okay.


Silence. Moments pass. MAGGIE puts the pot on the stove to simmer. JACK enters, smiling and whistling, wearing a butcher's apron. No blood yet.


JACK


So Edward Haddon and M-M-Maggie, are you ready to butcher a human body?


EDWARD


I thought it was a wiindigo?


JACK


Right, a wiindigo. It'll look like a human body though. But really, it's a wiindigo.


MAGGIE


What parts would go best in soup?


JACK


Fingers and toes, sweetheart. Fingers and toes.


EDWARD


I can't do this.


JACK


You can and you will. Or the wiindigo's spirit will live on. And it will-


EDWARD


-Blah blah blah, live on, come back, eat our faces off. I got it. I just don't think I can physically consume human flesh. It's such an abomination.


JACK


Pretend you're starving.


EDWARD


You can't pretend you're starving. That's like pretending you can fly or pretending you're not a librarian with a fish collection. Some things either are, or are not.


JACK


What if your life depended on it?


EDWARD


I don't know. I suppose if there were absolutely no other options beside eating another person and guaranteed death, I would do it.


JACK


Good man!


JACK pulls a gun from his coat and points it at EDWARD.


JACK


I'm sorry if this seems cliché Edward Haddon, but your life kinda does depend on it. Since you and the missus over here were the wiindigo's intended victims, it's gotta be you that devours his flesh. Every last pore and sinew. Now, I can't have some crazy snow spirit out huntin' my family, so this has to end. Here.


MAGGIE


Edward, it won't be so bad.


EDWARD


Are you insane? Of course it will be bad.


MAGGIE


Ignore that whole toast thing. I'm not a bad cook. I can make it tolerable, I think. Jack never said anything about cooking it. We can cook it, right?


JACK


What are we, barbarians? Of course we can cook it.


MAGGIE


See? We'll have some a*s steak and finger and toe soup and before you know it, we'll have eaten an entire adult wiindigo hiding in a man-suit.


EDWARD


This is awful.


JACK


Awful ain't even scratchin' the surface. Ready for some butcherin'?


JACK leaves to get the body.


EDWARD


How can you be so accepting of this? Aren't you at all suspicious?


MAGGIE


Suspicious of what?


EDWARD


Jack. All we have is his word to go on.


MAGGIE


I've heard stories of the wiindigo before.


EDWARD


I don't believe in spirits. It's all nonsense.


MAGGIE


You've never heard of people wandering into the snow, never to be seen again?


EDWARD


Of course I have. You have no idea. But this, the wiindigo, it's just too outrageous to accept. We have to do something. I think Jack is a murderer, and he's using us to cover it up.


MAGGIE


That would be pretty smart. Convince a couple on a romantic getaway that a big scary monster's out to eat them. I can think of worse ways to dispose of a body.


EDWARD


He'll kill us if we don't though. What are we going to do?


MAGGIE


What can we do? There's something about him that tells me he believes to the word what he's saying.


EDWARD


Any insane person would believe their delusions.


MAGGIE


I say we play along for a bit longer. See what happens.


EDWARD


Then what? Do we start chopping into that body without a care, get ourselves nice and guilty, then stop and call shenanigans?


MAGGIE


I don't think there's any other way, unless you want a bullet in your face.


EDWARD


I don't want a bullet in my face. You have me there.


MAGGIE


Just stay calm. The snow will stop soon and maybe we can make a run for it.


EDWARD


Maybe.


JACK enters.


JACK


Maybe what?


EDWARD


Maybe the moon's actually made of custard.


JACK


What? That's stupid. Cheese, obviously. Everyone knows that.


MAGGIE


So now what, Jack?


JACK


Yeah, about that. So funny story, it turns out the wiindigo isn't dead.


EDWARD


What?!


JACK


I went to the bathroom to get him, and...well...he's gone.


MAGGIE


Gone where? There's ten feet of snow out there.


JACK


He's a wiindigo. Snow is his element. This is not good.


EDWARD


Now what do we do, Jack?


JACK


I dunno. Lemme think for a minute.


EDWARD


There's either a murderous insatiable beast on the loose or (to MAGGIE) a gravely wounded victim struggling to get help.


MAGGIE


We have to look for him, I mean it, or he...the wiindigo. That.


JACK


He left a trail of blood.


EDWARD


We'll follow it!


JACK


Really? You don't think I thought of that?


EDWARD


Did you follow it?


JACK


Follow what?


EDWARD


The blood!


JACK


No.


MAGGIE


What not?


JACK


I came in here to tell you guys it's missing, obviously. Get your heads in the game.


EDWARD


Well let's go! We have to find him!


All three leave in different directions. The stage is empty. Lights fade.


SCENE III


The same cabin. After dark. Empty. After a few seconds of the empty silence keys can be heard jingling at a lock. Soon, the front door opens and an older woman, STELLA HADDON, enters carrying at least three items of luggage. She's struggling more than one would need to in this situation.


STELLA


Edward!


She struggles some more.


Edward, where are you?! Come in here and help me! My gout is flaring!


A man, ANDREI, gravely wounded, stumbles into the living room from within the cabin. He and STELLA lock eyes and stare at each other for several seconds. STELLA drops her luggage. ANDREI screams in terror. JACK, EDWARD, and MAGGIE enter, carrying the fire ax, a tennis racket, and a meat cleaver. ANDREI turns to face them, and passes out.


JACK


Oh, thank goodness. We found him.


EDWARD


Mother!


STELLA


Edward! What is going on?!


MAGGIE


Everyone stop yelling!


JACK


Sweetheart, put that soup on, we're feeding four now.


EDWARD


How did you get here? The snow...


STELLA


I've lived in Alaska my whole life. Some powdered sky sugar isn't going to stop me from seeing my boy's new woman.


JACK


Who wants to help me get our friend back into the bathtub?


JACK begins to slowly drag ANDREI away. Everyone just watches.


STELLA


Edward you tell me right now what the hell is going on here? I just reupholstered these cushions.


EDWARD


Apparently a wiindigo was going to eat Maggie and myself, but this man Jack arrived and saved us, and now we have to eat it to prevent it from being about to resurrect itself and come for us again.


STELLA


Is that it?


EDWARD


That's a pretty good synopsis of the events up to now, yes.


STELLA


You're very lucky, Edward, that this man was here to stop the wiindigo.


EDWARD


What?


STELLA


Go help that poor man before he throws out his back!


EDWARD, in a confused daze, assists JACK drag ANDREI away. STELLA begins to take off her outerwear, then notices MAGGIE.


STELLA


Are you pregnant?


MAGGIE


Excuse me?


STELLA


What did you do to guilt my boy into paying your way?


MAGGIE


I don't understand.


STELLA


I can see it on you, you're not at my boy Edward's level. You're beneath him. So what is it? Drunken one-night stand?

© 2011 vukcic


My Review

Would you like to review this Stage Play?
Login | Register




Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

402 Views
Added on May 3, 2011
Last Updated on May 3, 2011

Author

vukcic
vukcic

Lapeer, MI



About
I write because there's absolutely no reason not to. For anyone. more..

Writing
The Way Up The Way Up

A Stage Play by vukcic


Karma Police Karma Police

A Stage Play by vukcic