Oasis

Oasis

A Poem by Paidyn

This graceful purging of the soul,

Spilling her essence across the page,

The midnight blood of this being spelling out her yearning,

The necessity for escape.

 

The cleansing serenity washes over her heart, mind, soul �"

The sweet asylum of confession,

Of indulging in a secret, private world.

My escape…

 

How could I have abandoned this place?

This was my one solace.

What of the safety of the hours spent

Enraptured by my own sweet, secret vulnerability,

The asylum of alone being privy to my fragility,

To the torrent that is my monologue?

It has faded, surrendered with the beauty of naivety.

 

Those idle seductions corrupted my mental sanctuary.

They scream, insistent.  Deafening.  Corrupting.

 

He came with the promise of forever

And left with betrayal unforgiveable,

With the shattering of all innocence, trust, love, and faith.

 

Every breath he takes stirs the demons of my mind,

The demons that plagued me…

 

In their wake I find the ruins of my forgotten asylum�"

The flowers withered and rotten,

Thorns choking the strength from the trees,

A sickly, ominous haze obscures the sky,

And the waters lie stagnant, toxic.

 

I abandoned this place, and my neglect destroyed it, poisoned it, strangled its nature…

 

This was my Oasis.

 

I purge my soul,

My essence gracefully spilling across the page,

Spelling out my escape, my release,

My Oasis.

© 2011 Paidyn


My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Reviews

Honestly, I think you need to drop the last line and leave it up to nuance. "Release" is a great word to end with, because "My Oasis" somehow gives the whole poem an overused feeling when read aloud. I think your strongest lines are "Those idle seductions corrupted my mental sanctuary / The scream, insistent. Deafening. Corrupting." However, I think you should find a word to replace the second "Corrupting" with, because you have already state that the idle seductions have corrupted.
I also love the stanza about the "ruins of my forgotten asylum," which now that I think of it, might be stronger than the previous lines I mentioned. I think everything in that stanza is letter-perfect.

Posted 12 Years Ago



Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

125 Views
1 Review
Added on April 14, 2011
Last Updated on April 14, 2011

Author

Paidyn
Paidyn

PA



Writing
Rescue Rescue

A Poem by Paidyn


Summers Past Summers Past

A Poem by Paidyn