It Was A Sunday

It Was A Sunday

A Story by The Morbid The Merrier
"

It was a Sunday at St. Anne's orphanage...

"

It was a Sunday and like all Sundays for the children of St. Anne’s orphanage, this Sunday included breakfast, a little recess at the playground outside, naptime, lunch, reading time and dinner with morning, afternoon, and evening prayers. This Sunday was no different and yet a certain young boy by the name of Timmy Burger couldn’t help but feel a sense of dread and terror waiting to happen.

 

Poor little Timmy Burger jumped with every slam, knock or slight movement made. His tiny little heart raced and beat against his ribcage threatening to break through his chest if he did not calm down soon, which was highly unlikely seeing as poor Timmy had been acting like this for thirteen straight hours.

 

Young Timmy had a perceptive eye. Yes quite perceptive indeed. You see Timmy is and probably will be one of three kids who have stayed in this orphanage the longest. Timmy would stay in a corner and watch new kids taken in the orphanage every day, from children ranging ages of three weeks to twelve years old. Timmy was currently six, a very curious yet shy age. If there were something that Timmy has always remembered in his six years of life it’s that every year when the orphanage would become too overcrowded the people of St. Anne’s (very strange people indeed) would hold a feast for reasons unknown.

 

Timmy wouldn’t expect a feast of all things but he has certainly gotten used to it seeing as he’s been here for all his life. The feast was merry, jolly and quite bright. A feast seemed to be completely irrelevant to the subject that the orphanage was overcrowded, and yet every time the feast is over, the orphanage is spacious again, able to give beds, provide food and room for all the kids in St. Anne’s.

 

Timmy now knew why he was so erratic, because this Sunday, this oh so seemingly normal Sunday signaled that it would be a week before the feast. He did not know why but he seemed frightened about this, but after finding out why he was acting so strange he seemed to relax a little and laugh a little bit at himself for being scared of such a silly thing and ran off with the other little kids in the playground.

 

Soon Maria had blown her whistle, signaling that supper was ready, and swarm of little kids raced to the mess hall. Right before Timmy could go through the door, Maria had stopped him and a couple of kids that he knew for a long time in the orphanage. Puzzled little faces were seen on the boys’ face and the adorable pouts with little scrunches of their eyebrows had given them an even more confused look.

 

Maria had gestured with her hand for the little boys to follow her and without question they did, to the back of the orphanage where the forest lay and soft ground.  It was getting dark now and the noises of forest animals were starting to be heard. The boys were confused, hungry and cold, wondering why Maria was keeping them out here for so long without any particular reason.

 

It wasn’t until the orphanage’s cook, Carl came out with a large butcher knife in his hands, and with the glint it gave off in the moonlight it appeared to be newly sharpened. When Carl started to make an advance on them is when the boys had started to panic. They were crying and continuously asking Maria what was going on. She harshly told them to shut up and calm down, but that just made the boys more scared than what they already were.

 

Then came the first swing and all hell broke loose.  The boys started to run now, in different directions, screaming. Timmy was shellshock and had stood in place watching what used to be his good friend Simon, hacked to pieces, his blood flooding the ground and dead leaves, pooling at his feet.

 

Timmy looked up at Carl who had a dangerous glint in his eyes and Timmy’s legs were screaming and the need to run overwhelmed him, so he ran and ran. Carl ran after him, and Timmy was so scared. He ran so fast and soon he felt a warm liquid spread through his groin and his thighs, as the scared little boy pissed himself, but he kept on running.

 

Carl had finally caught the little boy, who was blubbering and crying, with snot and hot tears running down his cheeks and dribbling in his chin. Carl scowled and grabbed him roughly on the arm and dragged him to where what used to be the other boys.

 

Timmy stopped in front of the giant mass of limbs and heads, with a giant heap of blood pooled underneath and the stench of death and blood filled and contaminated the air, making Timmy sick to his stomach and he felt himself heave, then drain out the contents of last supper, and he continued to sob, helpless, sad, desperate sobs that would have made any human with morals and compassion fall down to their knees and beg for it to stop, because it caused them so much pain and agony.

 

Carl had a somewhat sad and pained look, but it was quickly gone and right before he did anything he prayed, “God forgive me” before he swung, and chopped off Timmy’s arm. Timmy could only stare in silence, pain and shock where his arm used to be, before he too collapsed on the mass of dead bodies, adding more blood to the giant pool.

 

Timmy was unbeknownst to them still quite very so conscious, though he could feel it slowly slipping. He saw Maria arrive back and stared straight at Timmy, then tsked. She turned back to Carl and asked “Ms. Applegate would like to know when can they be prepared and when they would be ready”. Carl replied with a gruff, “They’ll be ready by Sunday” before Timmy lost conscious and died a sad death.

 

 

One Week Later…

 

Jimmy Cheese woke up a glorious Sunday morning, with the smell of corn on the cob, potatoes and melted butter lingering in the air, and he quickly jumped out of bed, excited for the feast to begin.

 

Jimmy raced down to the dining hall and saw a generous amount of food, with vegetables and meats laid all around the table and the other kids struggling to find seats that they like. Jimmy took his seat next to Talia, a girl who he had met the first time he came to the orphanage and smiled shyly at her. Talia looked down and blushed when Maria rung the bell, and prayers started with Jimmy sneaking a few glances at Talia whose cheeks were still red.

 

The prayers were over and the kids greedily took the food, serving heaps of it on their plates. Jimmy took a piece of the meat that was in front of him, and right before he was about to bite down, found Carl staring at him with a strange intensity, but he shrugged it off and a took a bite, and couldn’t help but think how wonderful the meat tasted and how glorious this Sunday was.

 

 

THE END

© 2009 The Morbid The Merrier


Author's Note

The Morbid The Merrier
The usage of food for last names was for the effect of irony incase none of you caught on :P

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Reviews

Nice piece. Good tension, nice payoff.

What needs to be looked at: (please excuse the capitals; this is the only way I can differentiate between author's script and mine, I'm really not shouting!):

Jumps in tense. 'had a perspective eye' vs 'has been here all his life'.

Sentences that lose meaning, eg: 'It wasn’t until the orphanage’s cook, Carl came out with a large butcher knife in his hands, and with the glint it gave off in the moonlight it appeared to be newly sharpened.' WHAT 'wasn't until'? The sentence peters out without finishing the observation.

'Soon Maria had blown her whistle, signaling that supper was ready, and swarm of little kids raced to the mess hall. Right before Timmy could go through the door, Maria had stopped him and a couple of kids that he knew for a long time in the orphanage. TENSES RUNNING RIOT HERE. IF THIS IS HAPPENING IN THE PRESENT, KEEP IT SO. 'HAD' REMOVES US FROM IMMEDIACY. 'THAT HE KNEW FOR A LONG TIME IN THE ORPHANAGE' makes no grammatical sense. 'THAT HE HAD KNOWN' (ironically, this is the only place where HAD should be used in this passage, IMO. Puzzled little faces were seen on the boys’ face 'LITTLE FACES SEEN ON THE BOYS' FACE' MAKES NO SENSE - SHOULD BE 'BOYS' FACES' AND FACED CANNOT BE SEEN ON FACES... EVEN AS A FLIGHT OF IMAGERY IT DOESN'T FLY. and the adorable pouts with little scrunches of their eyebrows had AGAIN WITH THE 'HAD' KEEP US IN THE NOW. 'GAVE THEM AN EVEN MORE CONFUSED LOOK.' given them an even more confused look.'

' he seemed to relax a little' - 'SEEMED' TO WHOM? THIS IS TIMMY'S POV, SO HE EITHER RELAXES OR HE DOESN'T - HE CAN'T BE WATCHING OUTSIDE HIMSELF, INTERPRETING HIS OWN AFFECT.

'Timmy was unbeknownst to them still quite very so conscious, though he could feel it slowly slipping' ANOTHER SENTENCE THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. TYPOS? EDITING TRIP-UP? (WE ALL SOMETIMES EDIT SOMETHING AND THEN EDIT AGAIN, FORGETTING THAT WE'D CHANGED THE FIRST BIT, SO NOW NOTHING LINES UP.)


There are a few more of those inconsistencies and grammatical and writing errors, but now this strikes me as more of a critique than a review, so I'll review now!

A creepy little story, with well-built tension. It does suffer from our knowing exactly what the feast is going to consist of as soon as the author tells us: 'and yet every time the feast is over, the orphanage is spacious again, able to give beds, provide food and room for all the kids in St. Anne’s.'

All the same, we're drawn into whether Jimmy will escape the awful fate we know is waiting for at least some of the kids. Phrases like 'what used to be the other boys' really contribute to the overall effect. The writing needs to be cleaned up; tenses decided upon, over-writing (ie, telling us what we can surmise, for instance that the liquid running down Jimmy's leg is urine) expunged and sentences gone over for typos and clarity.

Otherwise, a pretty nice read.



Posted 4 Years Ago


This was awesome! You captured the horror and pain really well and it just pulled me in.

Posted 6 Years Ago


That.... was..... amazing!

Posted 6 Years Ago


Fun read...I liked the names ;)

Posted 7 Years Ago


creepy but fun to read :-)

Posted 7 Years Ago


amazing.....it really scared me.....expecting more from ypu

Posted 8 Years Ago


Awesome. I love it! I would love to read more.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Awesomely written! Would love to read more

Posted 8 Years Ago


Aww poor Timmy! Poor little kids. Why?! Why?! Why couldn't I stop reading this?! This is just horrible and depraved!

Well done.

I'm going to throw up now lol I feel so guilty reading this... :/
and the last names..my goodness..I'm laughing in tears.





Posted 8 Years Ago


This story was so wonderful!! I somehow knew at the beginning of the story that they were all doomed, because our minds seem to work in the same way. Personally, I found the best part of the story to be when Tommy is about to be killed and he is looking at the shredded remains of his dead friends. The emotions and the sights and the smells that you described were so deliciously macabre.
Overall, I love the idea of the story and it was written very well! The only thing that I am sorry about is that there was not more of it to read!! I cannot wait to read more of your stories!!

Posted 10 Years Ago



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2619 Views
18 Reviews
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Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on December 13, 2009
Last Updated on December 22, 2009
Tags: horror, suspense, fiction

Author

The Morbid The Merrier
The Morbid The Merrier

San Juan, Puerto Rico



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