in a cafe with james dean pictures

and i look everywhere,
for the places that never were,
the words that were not said,
love that never happened,
for you, who was always there,
i never found i could lose
the days i wanted to live for,
days i couldn't be happier,
that won't last into nights,
nights that i'll survive
all my fears all forgotten,
so i linger here and now
i could smell the rain
around the corner, the flowers
about to bloom, see the lights,
the woman with her lover,
and the empty streets,
i turn around and carry on

 

Reviews

[Rebecca Leigh]

Wow! This is an exquisite piece! Well done!

[V]

A picturesque poem providing a thoughtful attitude. I really like the title, gives it a new feeling/meaning in a way. Adds to the vibe.

[highonwords]

thank you, vanessa, for the comment and for taking the time to read :-)

best,
steph

[caesarkreshen]

I enjoy your style and line breaks, but I don't feel that this piece does anything unique.

I am not an image writer, I don't think. I believe people think my writing is mostly bare... or my favorite pieces probably seem that way. They are meaningful to me. I don't necessarily believe that imagery is necessary for good writing, but when our mind is stimulated, we think about things and maybe images pop up.

I also think the best critique you can give someone is to try to tell them your mind while you read their piece.

My mind was mostly blank, other than enjoying the words and the way it moved, until

so I linger here...

until about to bloom.

I'm not going to tell you to add more potent imagery/sensuality, as I said before, but I feel like it could include more thoughts, ideas, memories, etc. But I write stuff like this all of the time, and I am quite proud of it, so...

enjoy life.

[highonwords]

thank you, my friend for the wonderful insight and for reading the poem - much appreciated :-)
read morethank you, my friend for the wonderful insight and for reading the poem - much appreciated :-)

best,
steph

[caesarkreshen]

this is confusing because the read more isn't blue. Is it a trick or are you asking me to read more... ?

I will read one more, assume fate.