Confessions of a forced teetotller and survivalism for dummies part 2

survival, humor

This Blog and the three companion pieces “confessions”, “My stepsons Harley” and “Survivalism for dummies and the ESP”were completed in the same sitting, are published and listed in the page menu on the right a fourth blog “A new way to pay your bills(not)” is also written but not published yet(maybe next week) I was smitten by blogareah and could’nt stop.

98% OF AMERICANS SAY ‘OH S**T’ BEFORE GOING IN THE DITCH ON A SLIPPERY ROAD.

THE OTHER 2% ARE FROM WEST VIRGINIA AND THEY SAY, ‘HOLD MY BEER AND WATCH THIS.’

98% I have officially entered middle-agedom, by having the dreaded “Heart Attack” month or so and was forced to give up firewater! And I was havin’ so much fun too! It’s like this Doc, if we drink, we die and if we don’t drink we die- So what do we do? WE drink! Ya’ll should know I LIKE my booze,Gimme some “JD, or better yet some Glenlivet scotch, and I’m golden! I thought I did’nt wanna live without it.And I liked gettin’ drunk- You know, that 2am, howl at the moon, stumble home, dick in the dirt DRUNK! The kind of drunk ya hope nobody saw ya actin’ stupid, The kind of drunk ,of course, everybody had seen ya, which is soon followed by the dreaded “do you know what you did last night?”. And of course, ya don’t! All great fun,the kind of drunk yer grandad would approve of, yer grandma would not. Besides the bruises will fade with time, and you’ll hardly notice the stitches in a year or two. (see” WATCH THIS! “) The idea to ride a little kids “big wheel “trike (which has a maximum CHILDS weight of 60 pounds and you tip the scales a little south of 200) down a hill of about 1300 feet at a 40 degree incline. The results are predictable and as bloody as you may imagine. But, just add alcohol, Gravel surfing anyone? The point of this little page is I thought I’d really miss that early morning- It’s 9am already?,oh MY head, queezy, swayin’ on yer feet gonna be sick any minute, i hurt all over kind of mornin’. “Rise N shine cowboy” get away from me!.”Come on-get up!it’s a beautiful day”,not till 6 pm it isnt. you’ve GOT to be kidding me. I really miss all that! Not! Nowadays the forced rehab is actually agreein’ with me. Ya know I don’t miss all those “drunk bumps” both to me and my vehicles, Or the feeling you been drug down a 2 mile , rut filled road, monday(or tu,we,thur,fri,sat….. you get the idea)- little did I know , I’d have all this energy,and ambition to do more than watch tv, eat n sleep. Them trips up n down the steps don’t wind me as much either.Did i mention i’m losin weight too? could it be that I’m Cravin’ veggies n egg whites, instead of bean chili and tacos, broccolli and an apple instead of steak and apple pie- whats happin’ to me?? Ya never know, I might make it to the ripe old age of Social security elligability after all. Now if i could only quit smokin’ them Swisher sweet cigars……….But thats a different story for another time!yeah, and maybe a wine cooler?”QUIT it! I must be strong………if I have to, I guess.

” I once quit smokin’, drinkin, drugs and sex! it was the longest 15 minutes of my life!”

I tole ya last issue about the concept of survivalism and only devoted a paragraph or two to the subject. Just was tryin’ ta kinda eeaaasseee ya into it. The more I see whats goin on in the usa, right now, maybe ya oughta really start lookin into a little plan for you n yours. Say ya lose power, like them folks in Kentuky, who may be without juice for up to SIX WEEKS! how would you fare? what would you need to do to survive with no heat nor electric. Mom n Dads? Motel? another area? Could you stay at home? Just sayin’, git yerself a plan. Have it ready in yer mind. If your gonna stay at the old homestead, make sure yer ready. Got a woodstove? Got wood(i mean a nice pile that’ll last ya a week or two)?,ya say ya have an alternative sourse of heat like propane, do ya eed electric for the furnace to work?Like i said, it’s the plan,man! There is lots n lots n lots of sensible information out there on this stuff- just google “survivalism” and an afternoons readin’ is available on the first page alone. Make a plan with your neighbors too.And keep yer eye on them elderly nieghbors welfare too, much good advice can be had from them older folks as they’ve been through and survived a lot to be their age. Will you check on them and they on you? Gotta look out for one another nowadays, nobody else will, at least not the guvmint(look at Kentucky)

How bout them steelers! sooo…. who won the superbowl? I sure don’t know, no TV!

Author's Note

njoy