Spring Break love.

Spring Break.

The week where love happens.

How could I have been so naïve?

The Pink Palace. Well, the rundown, pepto colored motel. Internet advertisement, did this motel wonders. The luscious, spacious pool area, with a comfortable, cozy hot tub turned out to be a 10 foot long pool, with dirt caked to the bottom. The hot tub probably held diseases that man has yet to discover. Regardless of the physical features of this place, it was the stomping grounds of what seemed like the most beautiful boys on the island. You learn fast to ignore the cracked walls. This is where my dream came true.

Being 18, I was ready to find love. Young, and restless. It was my third night of spring break. Trying to recover from the previous nights festivities, I sat on my balcony, sipping water. I hear a voice coming from the floor below me, It was deep, and the laughter of the voice, was mesmerizing. I wanted a peek of the man who owned this wonderful voice. I decide to walk down stairs and walk to my truck, just to catch a glimpse. When I reached his floor level, I was disappointed. He wasn't this beautiful beach bum that I was imagining. He was skinny, and a little rugged. He wore a red shirt with the Salt Life logo on it. His face, wasn't terrible looking, but I wasn't there to find average, I was there to find gorgeous. So, I turn to go back, I knew it was too good to be true. I hear the voice say in my direction. " Would you like a beer?" I turn around towards him, and hes already right behind me. "My names Dillon."

"laura" I say. "and sure, id love a beer." What's the harm in talking to him? Little did I know, years later I'd be yelling at myself to say no.

We sit and talk on the balcony, enjoying the night and beach breeze. I started finding myself more and more interested in him. He may have not been the best looking guy there, but he was everything else I was looking for. I started falling hard for him that night. I remember bits and pieces of that night, my beer got changed into a screwdriver. I don't remember our first kiss, oh how I wish I did though. My night ended around 4am with Dillon exchanging numbers with me, then I staggered up the stairs back to my room. I don't remember getting into bed, but I woke up the next morning feeling good, no hangover, and no regrets.

My spring break came to an end. I was packed and ready to go. I started my way down stairs with my luggage. I stopped at Dillons floor, smiling. I wanted to remember him, I didn't know if id ever see him again. After my long pause, I started back down the stairs again. "Hey you." I hear as Dillon wraps his arms around me from behind. Id know that voice anywhere. "Leavin' already?"

" I sure am, gotta get on the road", I say with disappointment. I wasn't ready to leave. I wanted another day with him. He made me smile more in one night then I have ever had in my whole entire life.

" I hope we see eachother again. " When he said this, I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and never let go. I held my cool though, I was not going to act like a crazy teenager.

" Maybe one day, soon." I said, with a smile on my face with a little mixture of hope. He kissed me. Every bone in my body felt like they were dancing. I wanted to feel that way forever. Then, I was gone.

3 months pass. Dillon and I texted every single day. I missed him more and more everyday. It was love, I was sure of it. It was a hot summer day in June, a beautiful day to go mudding at MuddFest. Every year, huge mudtrucks gather at a huge mudpit and mud, thousands of people set up tents, and drink beer all day and night. I wasn't planning on running into Dillon. I did though. It was was the first time I ever experienced weak knees. I was so nervous, I had to work up the courage to walk up to him. I literally was so chicken s**t, that I walked by his tent 5 times, just so he would see me and call me over. It worked though. The night went well, expect for the fact that I had to keep leaving to pick up my drunk friend from the ground. We ended the night with a few kisses and long hug. Again, I wasn't ready to leave him. I was mad at the universe for making me leave.

1 month passed. I drive down to the beach. I was going through family problems, and I needed to get away. I found myself parked in the parking lot of The Pink Palace, smiling. Dillon was on my mind. Like usual. I rent a room. I walk to my room, I look at the door. It was the room Dillon stayed in. I walk in and lay down. I call Dillon. He answers, and I ask him to come see me. I didn't expect him to say ok. He did though. Actually, he was already on his way. He was coming down to go fishing with his dad. Hours later, a knock came from the door. I jump and run to the door, I open it. I embarrassed myself with the biggest smile I have ever had. He hugged me. He knew something was wrong. I didn't have to say a word. We laid on the bed talking for hours. It was something I could do forever, and never get bored. We fall asleep. He held me all night. I have never felt so safe before. He left the next morning. Again, the world was separating us.

Another 3 months go by. It was a beautiful fall day in October. Dillon wanted to see me. My bestfriend and I decide to take a road trip to Houston. I wasn't going to pass up a chance to see him. 5 hours later, I was knocking on his apartment door. That weekend, was full of alcohol, football and new people. It was a perfect weekend. Dillon spend the whole time making me feel wanted. Ive never wanted to a freeze a moment in time as much as I wanted to right that second. I knew I was in love. I would never say that to him though. He was perfect in every way. I left that sunday, leaving the same way as all the others. A few kisses and a long hug.

That next month, all through November, I didn't hear from him. It was strange and heart breaking. I didn't know what to think. I was hurt. Was it something I did? Didn't do?

December 1st of 2012, MuddFest was back. I went with my girls, and I was ready to have a good time. I was ready to meet some boys, and if Dillon was there, I was ready to make him miss me. We get there, and park. Of course the first people we run into, were Dillons friends. I made sure I looked good. We walk to their tent with them, and Dillon walks around the corner, I completely ignored him. It took every ounce in me to not say a word. All I wanted to do, was hold him. He says hello to me, and I say hey, and I give him a hug. Good going, laura. Way to stick your ground. I walk away. It was 2 hours before I came back to their tent. I was feeling tipsy. I walk up to him and ask him how hes doing. We had a conversation, and before I knew it, he was hugging on me, and flirting like a teenage boy. Whatever I did, worked. I had him back. The night consisted of a lot of drinks, and kissing. All I wanted was him. Then, a drunk boy around 17 years old, asks us if were dating. I didn't expect Dillon to say yes, because we obviously weren't. I just didn't expect him to say "nooooooooooooo". He made it seem like there was no chance of that ever happening. So what was I? It had to be more than just a fling. It had to be. If that's all I was, then fine. "no, we aren't dating. We just makeout occasionally, during special events." Dillon looks at me, seemed like he couldn't believe what I said.

Then he says "ouch, that's a little harsh!" but continues to high five me. So it was official. I imagined everything between us. I was hurt, more than I have ever been hurt before. How could someone make me feel so amazing and sad at the same time. I went home soon after that. Not before Dillon hugged me and kissed me goodbye.

I didn't text him much after that. Wed talk, but maybe only once a week. I was heartbroken. I felt like I didn't know what love was. It was all in my head. I didn't date after that. I didn't want to feel this way again. Two months later, it was Rodeo time in San Antonio. Dillon calls me. He was coming into town and wanted to see me. He'd only be here for the day, so it had to be now or never. I wanted to see him. I told him yes. I set myself up again to get hurt. Why, why must I always give in to him. He comes and picks me up. We go to the rodeo, and everything felt right. I felt as if this is where I am supposed to be. With Dillon. Nothing seemed to be more perfect. We rode rides, walked around, and played with pigs. We talked about the future, and we wanted all of the same things. We held hands. It was like I was under his spell. Which left me more confused than ever. We ended the night, with a long hug. No kiss. He said before pulling away, that he will be back one day soon and we will spend a whole day together. I longed for that to be true. I watched him drive away.

Spring Break was back. Dillon and I talked everyday. We reserved rooms at the Pink Palace. Two rooms next to eachother. It was going to be a week to remember. A week before spring break, Dillon invites me over. I went to his house. I was nervous, I wanted him to want me like I wanted him. The day, was filled with movies and food. We laughed constantly, before I knew it, it was 2 am. He didn't kiss me. We cuddled on the couch, im always so comfortable in his arms. I wasn't ready to go. I started to fall asleep. but awoke to his kisses on my forehead. The worst feeling came over me. I was desperately in love with him, and I knew I wouldn't get that feeling in return. Why was I torturing myself by being around him? I had to stop this. I get up and tell him that I should probably go, but before I could get up, he holds me and asks for me to stay, he didn't want to sleep without me. Everything that I was thinking, flew out the window. Of course I stayed. Im not superwoman. I cant resist a night filled with cuddling. We climb into his bed. He kisses my cheek goodnight. At this point, I was tired of all his cute kisses. I wanted a real one. I lean over him and say "no. I want a real kiss."

He smiles, and gives me the biggest, most passionate kiss I have ever received. He then mutters, "Real enough for you?"

"Perfect." I turn over, and he puts his arms around me. I slept like a baby that night.

The following week, me and my friends drive down to the coast. Spring Break was here and I was ready to have some fun. The first night, was a nightmare. Dillon ended up getting so wasted, he didn't know who I was. He thought every girl was me. Including the skank in the hotub that he started kissing. I was not happy. No, hes not my official boyfriend, but yes, he is still mine. Mixing alcohol with a pissed off, jealous girl, is never a good idea. I ended up climbing into that disgusting tub and grabbing the girls hair and pulled her out. Not my finest moment. I took Dillon to his room and put him to bed. I went into my room, and slept. I was so angry. The next day, I get on the beach, and im already drunk. I was obsessed with getting beads that day. I flashed over 50 guys that day. Alcohol is not my friend. Dillon was jealous and upset with me, he didn't want anyone seeing my b***s. I called it even after he had his mouth all over a w***e. That night, we had a heart to heart. Anything and everything was out on the table. He confessed to being crazy about me. He told secrets, things that no one else knows.  We got so close that night. He may have messed up, but I wasn't about to let him go. I slept in his room every night after that. It was a great ending to my week. I loved waking up to him.

We got home. I saw Dillon every single day almost for the next 3 months. We spent so much time together. We did everything together. We took river and beach trips. We went and bought my dream dog. He met my family. He took me to meet his. His parents and I got along so great. I was at his house all the time, eating dinner with his parents and grandparents. They loved me. I met all his friends, he met all of mine. We went on amazing dates. Everything was wonderful and perfect. He looked at me like I was on the only girl on the earth. I've never felt more special. I loved him. He made me the happiest girl in the world. Then, he had to go. His classes started back up in Houston. He left.

The next 3 months, I saw him maybe only twice. I felt like I was missing a piece of me. He was my other half. Our conversations and phone calls that took place everyday, turned into every other day, then to barley at all. It was July 4th, and it was the start of a 2 week period that I didn't hear from him. He was off the radar. I missed him. I called, I texted and nothing. He was gone. Finally, I texted him for the last time and I wrote the longest message in history and I told him exactly how hurt I was, and how pissed I was that he just disappeared without notice. I cried when I wrote that text. I let him know that I was sorry that I wasn't enough for him. Its how I felt. I felt like I wasn't good enough, that I couldn't make him happy. I was a mess, I cried myself to sleep for days. As soon as I sent that text, he replied. He said "laura, its not what you think. I messed up, bad." It took him a couple days to call me after that text, but he did.

He lost a battle with drugs. He tried meth, and he couldn't stop. He didn't know where he was for days, or when it was. He couldn't think straight. He said he couldn't talk to me because he was scared he was going to lose me and he knew it be disappointed in him. Truthfully, yes I was disappointed. No, he didn't lose me. I wanted to be his all. I wanted to be the one who pulled him out of this. We talked for hours that night, shed a lot of tears, and before we hung up, I told him. I told him, that I loved him. He said it back, and he said that its hard for him to say that, but he knows that its true with me.

The following month was his birthday, he eventually stopped using. He was doing good. I was there for him through the sweaty nights where he thought he was gunna have a panic attack. I did it for love. He came over to my house the weekend before his birthday, I gave him his present. It was a police radar detector. He talked about wanting one for months. He loved it, he was really excited about it. He gave me huge kisses all night and held me telling me how grateful he was to have me there with him. I walked him outside when he left, as I was walking up the steps to go inside, he says "Hey baby. I love you."

I smiled, "I love you."

The day before his birthday, his dad calls me. I answer, cheerfully, I had no idea why he would be calling me. My world started crashing down. His dad said there was a car accident. I was automatically in panic mode. Tears were rolling down my face before he could even tell me what happened. It was a bad accident, the truck was smashed pretty badly. He was in the hospital. He had some memory loss, broken ribs, broken shoulder blade and a cut in his eye from the glass. He got lucky. I wanted to see him. Houston was only 5 hours away. His dad told me no, that Dillon wouldn't want me to see him that way. I couldn't stop crying. He was scheduled for surgery the next day for his eye. All that was running through my mind was, "what if I never got to see him again?", "how could I go on without him?" I couldn't picture life without him there with me. I still cant. I called him at the hospital later that day and we talked a little, he sounded horrible. My poor baby.

The following week, he came home. I rushed over to see him. I spent the whole day with him. Watching movies, cooking for him, and being his chauffeur because he wasn't allowed to drive with his eye. We had a wonderful day. At that time, I sprained my foot, so I was walking around with a boot. His parents thought we looked cute, and called us the crippled couple. I didn't want to leave him that night, but I had work the next morning. I kissed him, and we told eachother we loved one another, and I told him goodbye. Only if I would have known it was going to be the last goodbye I would give him.

The next two weeks, I barely heard from him. We had plans and he'd end up bailing. I was getting tired of it. I wanted to be his everything, but I felt pushed away. I was hurt, and wanted to know why and what was going on. September 12th, 2013, was the last time I heard anything from him. His bestfriend called me, and tells me that Dillon went off the edge. Hes on meth again. I was naïve about meth. I didn't realize how hard it was for someone to stop. I confronted Dillon about it that night. His text back, "wtf no, who told you that?" I knew it was true. There was so much anger. What was I to do? Not only did he lose the battle to drugs, but I also lost that battle. I lost him.

Its been 5 months since that day. Nothing yet. I'll keep waiting. When he left, I was devastated. Truth be told, I still am. I know I shouldn't wait for him. I should just let go. Anyone who has been in love, knows, its not that simple. I find myself becoming happier as time goes on. Maybe I am moving on, but I still have those days where all I do is remember the past. We have had a crazy ride, and even though its been a long time since we said goodbye, im not ready for it to completely end. Im still in love. When I think about him, I still get butterflies inside. This isn't the end. We may not get back to where we used to be, maybe, ill eventually get some closure.

But hey, Spring break is just around the corner. Who knows what will happen.