Sinkhole

- Environmental destruction - - Hope for restoration -

I want to see a better day
When we no longer eat away
Our Nature from It's core

Our precious Nature...

I need to know a better day
When we no longer ate away
Our Nature through It's pours

Our precious Nature...

I have to find a better me
That doesn't cause destruction
I have to find a bolder me
That stands up to constriction

Our precious Nature does not deserve
This pollution that we often serve
This disrespect, neglect will have
Us sinking through the stone, at last

-Keith Allen Covell

Author's Note

Comment away.
You deserve to be free.
Respect and protect our Home.

Reviews

[emipoemi]

the "ate" in Stanza 2 is the only only thing that's awkward in this poem (despite what I believe your intention to be with the use of that word, it just doesn't work - and poetic licence wouldn't legitimize it as it would still sound awkward). It would be good to pick a different word so there's a little variety too ("wear" perhaps? you pick). But this is otherwise amazing. And good use of the dead hummingbird pic too. Well freaking done!

[Keith Allen Covell]

I can self publish.

[Keith Allen Covell]

I'm positioning myself in the future in that stanza, looking back.

[Keith Allen Covell]

Thank you for reading.

[Keith Allen Covell]

I thought it was cool. :)

[Vin]

keep writing. Love to you

https://vinajith.blogspot.com/

[Keith Allen Covell]

Thanks much. :)
To you to, ❤❤❤ s.

[Keith Allen Covell]

Note:

Consider these lines:
"I need to know a better day
When we no longer ate away"

"Ate" is in the proper tense when you consider someone putting themselves in a future scenario, looking back on a time that would be after their present time. In other words, a longing to have particular thoughts, feelings, and factual securities at a point in the future.

[emipoemi]

....again, I know what you were doing, but it doesn't work for the poem as a whole. If you have to explain an aspect to the readers it doesn't work. The challenge would be to fit it into an entirely different poem (because that kind of image and device would work in a different scenario. Either that or you reword this so readers understand your stance, but that would mean going in and tampering with the entire stanza and by extension the poem as whole. Because I got what you were doing at the start, it's hard for me now to say you should change simply the word "ate", but the fact that I know that the world throughout the evolution of poetry post-Romanticism has gotta more stupid given a lot of poetry has a lot of telly aspects to it and spells everything out rather than has readers delving into the craft of the poem to figure it all out, I can tell you that very few would get it. And your need to explain it thus proves that it's not going to work. They need to see what's happening by the progression of the poem, and the present progression doesn't go in the way that would clarify the presence of a future-implied line in the middle of a present-tense poem. All I'm saying.

(the "it's" should be "its", btw....that's also a given).

[Keith Allen Covell]

Thanks man. I appreciate this.
I actually found out later that it was used in this manner a couple hundred years ago though, so maybe it'll work with the time implications in my poem. Plus for some reason I remember learning this way...huh...
It's ok though, it would be interesting explaining. I'd like the interaction. 😉

[emipoemi]

....I'm not debating that it has been done (or that it could work), but you as a writer have therefore to be studious and figure out the circumstances in which is was used (maybe refer me to the poem in question), for I'll be willing to wager there are a bit more breadcrumbs laid out for the reader's understanding in that poem than this. Again, in poetry (or writing in general), if you have to explain something that cannot be deduced from the poem itself, the factor doesn't simply work for the particular poem, is all.

[Keith Allen Covell]

Disagree...sometimes having to figure something out places far greater value on it and pushes the reader to use their own life experiences to figure it out. It's ok if it will have different meanings to different people. This is the beauty of written word. Thanks again though. I've settled.