Crying Sunflowers

An unbearable itch that dug deep in my skin.

"But what about me?", my voiced cracked up as I looked at her, brows furrowed, tears piling up behind my eyes, a lump forming up in my throat. My heart clenched so hard that I think it would burst anytime.

She looked over me, but never in my eyes. She was about to say something, but end up saying nothing but blabbing her mouth like a fish.

Tears fell slowly on my cheek, so slow that I would think that time stopped for just a minute. My chest pounded so painfully against my ribcage. It was tearing me apart merciless and torturously. It hurt so bad that I felt the numbness beginning to seep once again in me.

"Why couldn't you do that to me too? I've got feelings too." I said quietly. I looked at her and waited.

I didn't knew what I was waiting. A response she couldn't say? A response that would hurt me more than I already am? A response that would impossibly relieve me?

I had feelings I couldn't exactly pinpoint, but at the same time I could grasp the hurt, the sadness, the anger and the confusion. It messed up every thing I built on to control over my emotions. I was back to zero. I had nothing because I gave it all.

I wasted everything, poured out everything and expected something but I was wrong. I was dead wrong. It was stupid of me. How could everything be so unfair that I had to give up everything just to mend someone else's? Was I made to be broken? Healed over again and again, and be broken once again?

"What did I do so wrong?", I whispered. Enough for her to hear.

I looked down, tears flowing out like rivers. I held my arm where the faded scars were left and scratched it, as if there was an unbearable itch. It was a defense mechanism I had been used to doing whenever I was beginning to feel numb. It was this itch that digs deep under your skin, a feeling manipulated by my own mind. I was aware of it, but there was nothing I could do to make the numb that was creeping up slowly in my chest go away. It was an uncomfortable feeling that I was bothered that it left me rubbing and scratching my arm harshly.

I'm okay, everything's fine. Repeating the same sentence over and over in my head like a broken record that couldn't be stopped. I wouldn't dare look up and look at her because I knew that when I do, I wouldn't be able to leash my feelings.

Everything was back to zero.