Darkness

Can you even call it falling?

In that moment, all I could see was nothing. I didn't know if I was floating, but at the same time, in my mind, I was floating down into nothingness. Maybe I'd never see the light of the sun. Maybe I'd see the beginning of how the universe started, or maybe I'd see the end of it, or maybe both.

I could hear my own breath inside the suit, my own heart beating. I reached into the suits light on my arm blindly, thankful for the years of experience that now I didn't have to fondle over where the switch was.

'Click', and there was light against this whole nothingness. I was scared, but I knew if I acted on my panic, it would only lessen the oxygen in my suit. I had to stay calm. Even when I knew the chances of me getting saved were slim to none.

I fell in a black hole. My tether to the ship snapped. And I couldn't do anything on that moment that one tiny piece of rock that rained down on us. Unfortunately, I was outside fixing the heater.

I wish closing my eyes would help get rid of the moment the event replayed in my head, but with the darkness shrouding around? I don't think it would. I would just be tormented with the memory of the ship distancing away and away, and away as I slip into the black hole for as long as the oxygen in my tank runs out. The sound of my heartbeat was my only companion in this dark world. Could I even call it a dark world when all in itself is darkness? I looked up on my helmet and saw a tiny streak of gray grease. I chuckled. My beating heart and a gray streak of grease as the only things that I would see and feel before I die. At the corner of my eyes, I could see the inevitable flashing red light indicating I was low on oxygen.

Why did it have to be red? Why can't it be any other colors? I do wonder now about that. My last moments thinking about colors over every memory I had. It could just be the way my brain works to keep me calm. Already knowing that I won't last a few hours. I fear most is how I'd struggle to find the peace while dying. I mean, dying because I ran out of air? That's not really in the list to die peacefully and painlessly. God I wish they placed a vial of euthanasia to have a merciful death in cases like these. Or maybe I could wish the black hole sucked in a meteorite and impale me. I sighed my last oxygen, and I felt the air inside my suit thinning. I hope I lose consciousness before I feel my body convulse. I was breathing heavily now, sweat started to pour out my skin. Heat and thin air. I gulped dryly. My lungs felt as if they were being squeezed like lemons.

I couldn't breath.

I hope a miracle happens.