The Raven, A Co-Write With Rick Puetter

Inspired by William Blake's poem, "The Tyger", a poem intended to pay homage to this great poet.

Photo Author: Bombtime. The photograph may be found at

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Female_adult_raven.jpg

Licensed under GNU Free Documentation License, Version 1.2.

Dear Reader,

     This poem is a joint effort of Sheila Kline and Rick Puetter and is co-posted on each of our WritesCafe sites (http://www.writerscafe.org/writers/wvhillbilly47/ and http://www.writerscafe.org/writers/rpuetter/). It was inspired by, and is meant to pay homage to, William Blake’s poem “The Tyger”. We hope you enjoy the poem.

                                   Sheila and Rick

 

THE RAVEN

 

Raven, raven, Hand of Night

Lost in Shadow, hid’ from sight.

Mask, you, secrets there from Man

Contemplating evil plan?

 

Each new morn where e'er you fly

Cawing scream sets peace awry

Hound you now for mortal soul?

For who next will church bell toll?

 

When the hunted feels thy pain

Dirges, sad, ' not sung in vain!

Whether sent to Heav’n or Fire

Thy embrace ‘ no man’s desire!

 

And what scripture and what book

Could bear fair witness to thy look?

Thy deathly gaze God's love belies

And with last croaks you cause us ' die!

 

Galaxies will cease to turn

Ere for Man's soul you cease to yearn

Tell, did Dark One with His Hate

Spawn you in His tryst with Fate?

 

Raven, raven, Bird of Blight

Wrapped in blackest cloak of night

Would you the Creator bite

And shun salvation in thy spite?

 

©2009 Sheila Kline and Richard Puetter, each  and  individually

All rights reserved

 

Author: Waugsberg. The photograph may be found at:

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Tumulo_de_D._Pedro_I_57a.jpg

Licensed under GNU Free Documentation License, Version 1.2.

  

 

 

Author's Note

I wish to thank Rick Puetter for bringing this poem to fruition! He had sent me William Blakes's poem, "The Tyger" several months back, and I have it posted on my public profile page. The poem impressed me so much that I wanted to write a poem similar to it. Rick graciously, with his great poetic talent took on the task of seeing my idea come to life as he refined, polished, added, and helped create this beautiful write! THANK YOU RICK!!!! I am forever grateful to you for all the help you have given, and continue to offer to me with my writing endeavors!! This is "OUR MASTERPIECE"!


A few comments on Lilmikee's Review:

Thank you for your review and kind words.

We have few comments on the points you raise. First on the line "Mask, you, secrets there from Man", yes, the question of punctuation in poetry is always thorny. One battles between leaving the punctuation out entirely, putting some of it in, and putting it all in. We have taken a middle ground. The commas around the word "you" are required for correct punctuation. However it is common practice to read lines such as this in poetry without the pauses. Our alternative, of course, is to leave the punctuation out entirely and then there is no issue with pauses. However then the punctation is incorrect, but this is normally ignored in poetry, especially if you leave all punctuation out. So as pointed out before, the correct punctuation is put in, but the line is meant to be read without pauses. We are taking a "middle-ground" position.

Next on the line "Whether sent to Heav'n or Fire", you correctly point out that we deliberately dropped a letter to preserve the meter, and we certainly did. You say, however, that "I feel it comes out even more awkward as the reader has to consciously drop the second syllable". Yes, this is true, but that is common practice, especially with pieces of Blake's era. Perhaps you are familiar with poetry from this period and you have already mentioned that you had not read Blake before. Indeed, the use of "Heav'n" might be considered another nod in honor of Blake since he used this quite a bit himself as in his poem "An Imitation of Spenser"--see the abstracted segment form this poem below.

An Imitation of Spenser -- Wlliam Blake

"...And thou, Mercurius, that with wingd brow
Dost mount aloft into the yielding sky,
And thro' Heav'n's halls thy airy flight dost throw,"

So you can see the dropping of leters and strong contraction (as in thro') are quite common in pieces of this era. And we have followed this style throughout. There is another example in our poem in the second line: "Lost in Shadow, hid from sight", where we strongly contract "hidden" as hid'.

Thank you for reviewing "The Raven" and caring enough to provide detailed comments.

Reviews

[emmajoygreen]

Years later, I still read and feel your collaboration with Rick as one if not the best of collaborations. You have not used Blake for your own ends but shadowed his creation with absolute respect, even though miniscule changes have been made. Superb work offered by two poets who initially welcomed me into the cafe and tried to make something of my scribbless! Best and true wishes..

[Sheila Kline]

Dearest Emma!
Your reviews are ever welcomed as they are always kind, poignant, and appreciated as that of a writer who consistently displays wisdom while appreciating the humble work of others!
I again do thank you and shall always be grateful to call you a friend of the highest of highs!!

[emmajoygreen]

If only you could see my first smile of the day!!

[Tate Morgan]

It sings of effort to be rewarded by praise And it deserves mine Good work .Divinly inspired
tate

[Jeff Miller]

This piece does the unexpected. It meets all expectations that most readers think can't be met. They always expect their to be flaws and note them, even if not shared with others. They hide their criticism inside at the least. But this is pure perfection! Great job!

[Georgia Gypsy]

You two did an awesome job with this...I love when the great artists of our past inspire us today! Happens for me all the time..

Beautifully done, an enjoyable read!

[Fran Marie]

Am lovin' the flow to this lovely piece beautifully penned in poetic expression~

well donE!! you two

I'll first mention I am unfamiliar with the original poem "The Tyger" and so I stopped to read that first. Having done so I can say you have done very well in paying homage to the original. Stylistically, It matches The Tyger near perfectly and there is none of the discord that might normally exist between the styles of two authors. I have seen many a collaboration that does not end well due to the poorly matched styles of both writers (and artists, in a few cases) so that you and your partner have wrote a poem that seems to read "in concert" is a feat by itself.

First things first I will point out a number of issues that I noticed whilst reading. A number of lines read awkwardly to me in this poem, notably "Mask, you, secrets there from Man" from the first stanza and "Whether sent to Heav'n or Fire". The issue with the former is would be the commas surrounding "you" without would to me indicate a pause, but the line should be read fluidly. That said, removing the commas would make the line incorrect, so I would suggest rewording it altogether. I would normally suggest my own alteration on small issues like this, but in this case I'll leave such matters up to you and your collaborator. My interference would likely break the harmony you have managed to create. The second line, "Whether sent to Heav'n or Fire," you have deliberately dropped a letter from "heaven" to make the line match the meter but I feel it comes out even more awkward as the reader has to consciously drop the second syllable and the word "heaven" simply does not read that way. I would also mention that "awry" and "fly" don't appear to rhyme for me, as I have always read the former word as ending on an "e" sound. My pronunciation may just be a colloquialism however, so don't pay that too much heed.

The main merits of this poem will naturally come from how well is matcher it's predecessor, The Tyger. I have already mentioned that I feel that as far as the overall style goes, it matches close to perfect. There's an element that's not quite in place but it's subtle enough that I can't quite say what it is, merely "feel" that it is there. A nearly useless statement, but one I did not want to leave unsaid (perhaps you and your partner can decipher something in your poem I cannot; you will have a deeper understanding of it than I do). I will leave any in-depth examinations to people who are more familiar with William Blake than I; my first time reading The Tyger was about thirty seconds before reading The Raven. Without significant time to contemplate both I wouldn't be able to give an entirely fair comparison. At the very least, I can say that I look at this poem as more of a re-telling of the original with a different focus, instead of simply a "similar" poem. To say it is merely "similar" doesn't quite seem fitting, or fair.

Unfortunately, I'm not entirely sure what to make of this poem. As I said, the first time I read Blakes' The Tyger was just a short time ago and it did not appeal to me and consequently neither does the The Raven. Because of this I can't offer much praise (though you are not short of it in other reviews). I hope it is enough of a compliment to say that, in the sense that you have achieved the goals that you set yourself (a collaboration and style similar to Blakes'), you have an extremely well written poem.

[17thWhitePrince]

wow !!!
very very nice indeed !!!!
what wonderfully written lines of poetry for a fact !!!

Very very well written !!!!!!
Just a marvel to behold !!!!!!!

[Stacey Watts]

Wow this was a fantastic piece. I am sorry to say I never have read anything by William Blake. Now I will have to check it out. Very well written. You both did a fantastic job. It sounds like a very classic piece. Very brilliant.

[Jenny Nelson]

Really really liked this! Flowed and rhymed so well, without sounding Dr. Suess-ish. Truly creates a feel of a totally different (omnious) entity other than just a bird. Well done!

[Salvatore Buttaci]

A fine piece of writing the two of you wrote! I enjoyed it and hoped it would be original and not be a la Poe. Great!

[Ellen Hammond]

What an amazing co-write! It definitely has the Blake flair. You have worked very well together on this poem, my friends.