Virgin Tears

Virgin Tears

A Poem by Erica Marie

He wears a steel shell
Cold and vibrant
No emotion or slight hint of fear
The dark side of Aquarius
Taking life as it comes
Excepting fate and dreaming of more
Satisfaction painted over his face
Born by poverty

And yet he amazes me
Every wonderful, careful breath
Detached from his own heart
Yet he still goes on
Without knowing of cuts and bruises
Only waiting till they're scars
And I am trying to understand you
Trying to find out who you are

You showed me your tears
While speaking your horrifying fears
Only moments ago
And I cannot help but think
How someone who has been so strong
Always
Could ever be weak
My eyes glistened and matched yours
And for the first time I felt your heart
In the energy
It was like magic
Tragic, beautiful,
Magic




© 2012 Erica Marie


Author's Note

Erica Marie
My boyfriend is very emotionless usually. Today was the first time I saw him cry. It changed everything. I poured my whole heart into my words. I hope you can see that.

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Reviews

Umm ..yeah, you well said -------

How someone who has been so strong
Always
Could ever be weak ---------

How true ---- Hope everything`s been well out there because i`ve got that this write`s written in Dec.2013 which means, it`s quiet an old story and Hope you both lovers are living with much happiness.

Stay blessed, Sweety!

Posted 7 Years Ago


Stephen

7 Years Ago

Okay,yeah, I know ..i`m also a student so, I can understand ... sometimes, we really couldn`t even g.. read more
Erica Marie

7 Years Ago

I hope so :)
Stephen

7 Years Ago

Oh glad to hear, well ..if your back then let me first ..Welcome you to this site again. So, ******W.. read more
I can totally relate to this poem and where you asre coming from! Although I do not concider those who cry to be weak, but I understand it can be a suprise from someone with such hidden emotions. None the less beautiful poem! Keep up the good work :)

Posted 8 Years Ago


Erica Marie

8 Years Ago

Thank you! And yes i agree because I cry all the time. But i put that in because HE believes it mean.. read more
SarahV

8 Years Ago

Really? That's exactly how it all is for me and ah I understand :)
This is such a beautiful and personal poem. I feel like you really defined who he is and also defined your great love for him. I loved it:)

Posted 8 Years Ago


Erica Marie

8 Years Ago

Aw thanks girl!
I adore your wonderful love for your boyfriend who was born by poverty.
You vividly depicted his personality.
Hope you will make a great home by blending two lovely hearts together.
Love the amazing work.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Erica Marie

8 Years Ago

Thank you so much!
zainul

8 Years Ago

You are welcome,passionate poetess!
"Only waiting till their scars" 'their' should be 'they're'

This was so emotionally beautiful! I could feel your heart pouring everything into this piece. It flowed so well and you couldn't have put your emotions together any better than you did in this piece. Great job!

100/100 from me :)

~Erinne


Posted 8 Years Ago


Erica Marie

8 Years Ago

Oops wow I don't know why I didn't see that error when I usually do! :/ Thank you I just changed it!.. read more
Such an emotional read, powerful.

Posted 8 Years Ago


maybe change it to "without knowing of his cuts and bruises, only seeing when they're scars". Also "you showed me your tears / while speaking your horrifying fears" it's a sudden rhyme at the end of your lines and I feel like it's too sudden. Your poem doesn't rhyme so it's good to stay consistent in my opinion. You should stay in the present tense towards the end as well.
Now, critique aside, I love this. I think it's beautiful and you are touching on this topic in such a unique and interesting way. With some work, this is an awesome poem. I cannot emphasize enough, especially in light of my critique of it, how great this is.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Erica Marie

8 Years Ago

I appreciate your constructive criticism. And I get what you mean about the rhyming. However, I like.. read more
Ban Heo

8 Years Ago

I feel you and free verse is beautiful in that there is no rule but beauty. :)
I can truly relate to this poem. Even the most seemingly emotionless feel. It is part of what makes us the species we are.

Beccy.

Posted 8 Years Ago


I'm not very good at reviewing in detail, since writing affects everyone differently. I can say that I enjoyed this. It's quite emotional and detailed. Great write.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Erica Marie

8 Years Ago

I share similar feelings towards reviewing, but thank you!
Very nice, Erica. I enjoyed your depiction.

Posted 8 Years Ago



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557 Views
10 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 3 Libraries
Added on December 6, 2012
Last Updated on December 8, 2012
Tags: emotional, experience, love, boyfriend, crying, stress, hard time, life is so hard

Author

Erica Marie
Erica Marie

CA



About
☮♥Erica Marie♥☮ Welcome to my profile! I hope you enjoy my writing :) My name is Erica Marie and I am 20 years old. Born and raised in Souther.. more..

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