Written in the Stars

A short story about teenage love.

Most things about that summer stick out for me. I distinctly remember the red paint peeling off of the side of the studio, after years of wear and tear and countless pairs of eyes glancing over it. He leaned against the side of the building with the confidence of a man and the reservation of a boy. I took to staring at him as discretely as I could manage, but there were several instances in which I could not avert my eyes quickly enough. Had I been looking, I might have been able to detect a shy grin creep across his face.

 

Every now and again, he’d come up to me and say something witty. I, being completely shy around the opposite sex, would stand there trying to come up with something to say. Even when I found the perfect comeback, my vocal chords would instantly seize up. I’d sigh to myself and walk away, wishing that I were somehow different.

 

The sun was setting one night, and he and I were both sitting on the railing on the porch of the studio. Gently, the colors of the sky all blended into each other with the most radiant beauty I had ever seen. Forgetting who was next to me, I leaned my head on his shoulder and gave a sigh of contentment. He then rested his head against mine without saying anything. In that moment, I felt something that I couldn’t put into words; something that I had never felt with anyone else. I felt whole.

 

Slowly, I felt his hand make its way over to mine and took it with caution. “You’re different,” I whispered, almost hoping that he wouldn’t hear.

 

“No. I’m not good enough. You deserve the best, and I’ve fallen short in so many ways,” he replied heavily.

 

I pulled away for a moment and looked into his eyes. They were so easy to get lost in; crystal blue pools and I felt myself falling into them. It was hard to even breathe. I finally spoke softly, “You’ve never given up.”

 

The night was quiet once more and the colors in the sky were fading into a deep, majestic blue. He jumped down from the railing, took my hand, and said, “Come with me.”

 

I felt my defenses coming back to me and the walls were being built up. I was close to saying no, afraid of myself being vulnerable. For once in my life, I let my heart conquer my mind. I slid off of the wooden rail and landed lightly on my feet.

 

His fingers rubbed lightly against mine and I smiled to myself. My head felt light and fuzzy and the ground was like a cloud that I was gliding across. We turned the corner and stopped behind the building. He let go of my hand and leaned against the building like I had seen him do so many times. He looked at his feet for a moment, then quickly looked up and said, “Why are you afraid to fall?”

 

“We’re going to be late to class. She starts exactly at 8:00 P.M. All the time,” I mumbled.

 

“See? That’s what I mean. What makes you so afraid?”

 

“I’ve been hurt so many times. I don’t want to hurt anymore. Every time I fall I crash to the ground. Alone.”

 

“Well,” he said, holding his arms out, “I’ll catch you.”

 

I closed my eyes tightly, letting the warm tears slide gently down my cheeks. I crossed my arms over my chest and let myself fall backward. Right when I thought I was going to hit the ground, I felt the most powerful pair of arms break my momentum and save me. I opened my eyes to find his an inch or so away from my own. Before I could say anything or even think, he pressed his lips against mine. Another tear escaped out of the corner of my eye. We straightened up together and he snaked his arms around my waist. My back was to his chest. “See the stars up there?” he asked me.

 

“Of course. They’re beautiful.”

 

“Not a single one of them is as beautiful as you.”

 

“Now you’re just lying,” I said playfully.

 

“You shine ten times brighter than they do,” he said, pulling me closer to him. His heart was beating against my back. Although the night was cool, he was keeping me warm, inside and out. It was something that I couldn’t explain. Just his being there made me feel happier than I had been in an eternity.

 

*-*-*-*

 

It wasn’t long before I was completely smitten. Almost every night we would take a walk in the park, talking freely about anything that came to mind. It was the most comfortable I had ever been with a guy. I was letting myself fall, and I was both cautious and careless. It didn’t matter to me at the time, though, because I was happy.

 

I began to notice all the little things about him that made him so cute to me. I loved the little wrinkle that would crease his nose when he laughed. When he held my hand, he’d play with my fingers. Right before he would kiss me, he would run his fingers through my hair. His scent was the thing that drove me crazy.

 

We were so much in sync that most times I thought it was too good to be true. How was it that I, the girl who never quite got the guy, found the most amazing person in the world? He was someone who took the chance to know me, and someone who worked at knocking down the walls that surrounded me. I had never found that in anyone.

 

It was these summer nights in which I felt alive. We had a full on water balloon fight one night. I remember laughing with no reserve, holding nothing back. I was laughing so hard that it was almost as if I was laughing with my very soul. Everything was so vivid: the fireflies flickering about, the street lamps casting their yellow glow, and the cool grass under my bare feet. It felt like he and I were the only two people in the world, and nothing else mattered.

 

With each night, I felt myself falling a little further. I had been seeing him for three weeks when the annual Fourth of July fireworks came around. My friends had been eagerly awaiting this night so that they could meet my gentleman caller. I, however, was a little unenthusiastic about the whole ordeal.

 

We met on the bench in the far right corner of the park. I took his hand and asked, “Can’t we go somewhere else to watch the fireworks? Look at it here. It’s packed.”

 

“Are you afraid of running into someone?”

 

“No,” I replied, looking down. “I just… can we please just take a walk or something?”

 

“Not until you tell me what’s going on.”

 

“It’s nothing.”

 

“You know, I thought I meant something to you!” he said, raising his voice.

 

“You mean everything to me!” I screamed, not even bothering to hold back the tears.

 

“Then why are you embarrassed to be seen with me?”

 

“I… what? Are you serious?” I whimpered, slinking away.

 

“Fine! Don’t come back!” he shouted, kicking the garbage can to his right.

 

*-*-*-*

 

For the next few weeks, I couldn’t even get out of bed. I was beyond crushed. I let someone who I barely knew into my heart and into my life. Regret was starting to take hold of me. Crying wasn’t enough anymore. There was no use to it. My face was stiffened with the old tears, but what good did they do? They weren’t going to bring him back.

 

After a few days, my dad decided to try and take charge. He burst in one night, demanding, “What the hell is wrong with you?”

 

“Nothing, Dad. Go away,” I whined, pulling the comforter up over my head.

 

 “No. Get up right now young lady. Front and center.”

 

I rolled over and wrapped myself up like a cocoon. I wanted to create a world in which no one knew me. A world where no one could bother me or hurt me. I stuck my arm out, grabbed an old issue of Seventeen, and threw it at him. “Close the door on your way out,” I said icily.

 

When he finally left I tossed the blankets on the floor. In a frenzy, I packed all of the clean clothing I could find into a rolling suitcase. I shoved my journal into the side pocket, took all of the pictures of my friends, and ripped a piece of paper out of a blank notebook. I snatched up a pen, hastily wrote a note to my parents, and stormed out of the door. I found the tin of cash that my parents kept in case of emergency. I dumped its contents into my purse, left the note on the coffee table, and left.

 

The bus stop was only three blocks away from my house, so I took the walking time to think about what I was doing. New York. I’m going to New York City. I can start over there. I don’t need anyone, I thought to myself, powerwalking down the sidewalk. I marched straight up to the office of the bus stop. “One ticket to New York City, please.”

 

“That will be round-trip, right?” the teller asked.

 

“Oh, no. I’m not coming back.”

 

I gave my money and was happy to see that I still had a considerable amount left. I pushed my luggage into the storage compartment and took a seat near the back. I closed my eyes and leaned my head on the back of the seat. My breathing was steady and slow, but I only felt numb. I slowly opened my eyes and looked out the window. My gaze was far above the buildings of the town. It was the stars that held my attention. They glimmered serenely way up in the velvet black sky. I then remembered that night, and tears clouded my vision until all of the stars swirled together in a black and while oblivion. His words echoed hollowly through my head…

 

“See the stars up there? They still don’t shine brighter than you do.”

 

There he was, right behind me. There he was with his wrecking ball, smashing down the walls around me. And there I was, falling all over again.