Never Before

If you fell down yesterday, stand up today.

Hello everyone.Today, I want to discuss more about  presentations.  Recently I did a speech on a module called Scientific Communication. To say it was bad is an understatement, it was absolutely, utterly, unceremoniously horrible. I have never experience something of sort.  I  was the first speaker for my team and when I began talking, it seems like time froze. I could only get pass the greetings but for the main portion of my speech, I faltered. I was absolutely mind blocked. At that very moment, I felt like a deer in the headlights. I began to hyperventilate and asked my teacher whether I could try again. She allowed and well, the second time was as awful as the first. I stuttered and stumbled upon my words and my mind was empty. I felt like I could not form a coherent sentence. My heart was literally lurched in my throat. At that very moment, I knew that I was done for. To say the least, I know I'm not a great speaker neither am I a good speaker but I can do so sometimes without holding onto a script or two. I was just gobsmacked at that incident. To make it worse, right after my presentation, my lecturer came to talk to me. She asked me what happened the first time and I just could not really explain to her. She continued asking what happened the second time, whether I lost confidence or not and when she got no reply, she proceeded to say something that really pierced my heart. 

"Your second time didn't help you. So, why bother trying again? You really have failed me." It might sound harsh, but truth be told, she actually said it in one of the most nicest tone ever. Ironic, huh? You know how people said that hearing the truth is so much better? Well, to be honest, at that very moment, I actually wished that she had lied to my face. I would have taken it so much better. After the encounter with my lecturer, my mood dampened by a ton. When my teammates tried to console me, I pretended that I was fine even though my face showed that I was not. I also pretty much ignored them for the rest of the day. When I turned on my heels to proceed  to my psychology lecture, one of my guy friends who is known to be insensitive , mentioned this to me, "Eh, I thought you cried. I mean I would if I f*cked up my presentation". Another of my classmate also snickered,"If I knew you were able to redo, I would have asked also". If they had slapped me, it would have felt much better.I  knew I was undergoing a personal stressor where I felt that this presentation was a major personal failure. I first went through Avoidant coping where I tried to reduce such stressor in various forms of escape, less effective forms to be honest. It was not the major forms such as alcohol or drug abuse but more like wishful thinking. For instance, I started having those "If only" thoughts. If only I did a proper script, If only I memorized it, If only I sorted my time out well. After a few moment, I realised that I was actually wasting percious time. By having all these thoughts, it did not benefit me, it was just making me feel insecure and phobic. Subsequently, I went through emotional-focused coping where I tried to manage my emotions in the face of stress and to accept sympathy from others and look at the brighter side of life.

It has only been a few days after the incident and I still have two more presentations to go, Sociology & Psychology. To be frank,I'm afraid that something alike would happen again but I constantly remind myself that it's  okay to give a bad presentation or speech, that it's okay to fail a test or two, that it' okay to cry once in a while. This is so because we all are humans. We are designed to make mistakes and to showcase our feelings depending on the situations. We were not born perfect and we are always told that it's okay to make mistakes. Although, at that very moment, you might feel like the most useless person  in the world for, like I had when I felt like I was causing predicaments to my groupmates and asking for a second try eventhough the rest of my class had only one try. I knew it was unfair but if I did not ask, I might have just flunked the presentation so badly. Having said this, I need to learn to get over it. A bad presentation does not mean you are a bad speaker well unless you want it to be. The way you talk or give a presentation does not define you or how your character is like.Avoid social phobia from occurring, be brave enough to overcome it. This might sound cliche but yes, at first overcoming such as obstacle might seem difficult but with the appropriate attitude and motivation, the rocky road will be smooth.If you are going through a situation like me, then strategise coping techniques. Conquer stress before it conquers you!

Author's Note

I might have some grammatical errors.