Relation

I am trying to decide if I should publish this essay that I wrote for my school's Lit Mag. I do not want to call attention to the person that this is about but I feel like this could help people.

I never thought I would find another. You were the first one I fell in love with. There were fireworks every minute I spent with you. “I love you; you’re the one for me,” you would tell me every day. We let each other into our personal lives. My family became your family. I felt like a part your family. I showed and told you things I’ve  never told another soul. Everything was going smoothly. Two summers, four vacations.

Everything changed. You pushed me to the edge. You told what I could wear. Told me what I could post. Told me who I could talk to. Told me what colors I couldn’t wear for prom. Told me where I could go to school. Called a name every week. I left crying on the daily because of how it hurt. “You’re a selfish prick,” “you’re a prep,” “you don’t deserve this scholarship,” “I blame your parents,” “Is this how your mother acts… It all makes sense now.” I wouldn’t call this abuse; I call this degradation but you always said you were sorry and meant none of that. You love me. How could your love outweigh the damage?

I should have listened to my friends. I should have told my mom. I was ignorant for thinking you would change. I changed for you but you would not do the same for me. I was not my best self with you in the end. I was scared; I degraded myself because I started to believe you. I didn’t think anyone else would want me because of how you made me feel about myself. But soon after we were done, I learned it wasn’t me being that way, it was your influence that made me that way. I lost who I was and didn’t even know until it was over and someone said, “You finally act happy again.”

Maybe I fell in love but I am not still in love.

High schoolers always think this love is it. You should not change yourself for someone. They should not make you feel bad about yourself. High school is not the end. You leave when you’re 18; you still have a whole lot of life to live. Don’t be in fear that no one else will take you because that just isn’t true, no matter what they say. I want to tell you it’s okay. If only one person can connect to this and gets comfort by not feeling alone then I have accomplished something. Let yourself free from something that causes you pain. Believe that if you are meant to be you will both find the way again.

By Anonymous

Author's Note

Please tell me if you think this is too harsh. This is not the final edit yet but I didn't want to keep working on it if it was going to go nowhere.
And I'm sorry about the genre I don't know what this classifies as.