In her eyes

The Dark Brown forest has in it the secrets of heaven and the Secrets of the majestic sounds of night and of the rain drops shooted at the surface , and the secret of love found ,
all in her eyes. . 
The intriguing ocean has in it the secret of it's depth , and the light of the thousands colors un-announced, 
and the words of the dead fish never Pronounced,
all in her eyes. . .

The Silently Roaring Desert has in it beneath it's layers , the desire to be found. . And the Cactus on it's surface has on it the mark of the iron shield due to the heat once bound ,
and a mirage of Strong Core ,
all in her eyes. .
The Clear Yet Mysterious Sky has in it the traits of the ecstasy of two birds in love ,
and of the winds floating away the clouds to bring the rain.
And the story of the thunder of beauty ,
all in her eyes. .
The serene winds dusty with the pollen of love has in it the power to leave you spellbound , and to make you obsessed to it's presence all around. .
And the happiness in my veins. .
All in her eyes.

Reviews

[amarlaksh]

Quite long lines yet a good read. Keep writing

[kublakhan27]

Mysterious, lyrical...nice work.

[DrD]

By love possessed . . . . excellent fodder for poetry and you have used it very well here. One elemental error "shot" instead of "shooted" but otherwise well formed and highly visual. A very nice job.

[yusuf]

Thank You so Much SIr! I am quite a lazy bozo at spellings. :(

[Erinne S.]

I think you would benefit from this piece if you were to use some kind of formatting. The breakdown of your paragraphs is a little hard to follow in this piece, even though it is very well written. I just think it would help with your flow and make it easier for the reader to understand if you formatted your paragraphs in a different, more easy to read, structure. That is just my opinion though. Other than that I thought you wrote the poem very well and it is true... you can tell a lot of things just from a person's eyes.

~Erinne

[yusuf]

and yet again you have provided me very useful review. Thank You so much! I`ll redress my work.

[Dinesh Sairam]

Somehow, I beg to differ from ThinkingDN. Form is what bring the poem together. Nevertheless, the comparisons are beautiful. My favorite ones were

"he words of the dead fish never Pronounced"

and

"the story of the thunder"

On the downside, I didn't quite understand the random capitalization (Were you looking to achieve something?) and perhaps you should be more concrete in descriptions as opposed to abstract. That's no huge mistake though.

Keep writing.

[yusuf]

Thank You so much dear pal Dinesh! I am honored and humbled by your visit!
hahaah The capitalization was nothing more than a blooper , i dont evven know why i did that.
and i beg to differ from you , i think what brings the poem together is the imagery and thoughts! and form is just something that is good if used!

[Dinesh Sairam]

Form is to engage and guide new readers. If Shakespeare's plays were to be written in continuous sentences, I'd still read it knowing that it's worthy. But for someone new, there's no interest for him/her in it, unless it's presented. Form has some other pros, like deliberate spacing (on paper) and enjambment. I hope you grow into it.

[yusuf]

I don`t believe in rules when it comes to poetry , i think it just have to be exactly of what we feel and want to express , irrespective of forms or any method or whatsoever .. i think its not even necessary and important that the readers gets what we are saying , what is important is that we should know exactly what we are saying.

[Dinesh Sairam]

I don't want to argue, but no good poem is complete without a good reader. It matters critically whether the reader understood your poem word for word. A poor reader may never appreciate some of the fine verses of Emily Dickinson. One needs to understand every word, and every meaning.

[yusuf]

I respect that you dont want to argue.*hugs.

[DIVYA]

I like the absence of formatting here. It enhances the depths you are trying to portray. As writers we must never get stereotypical!
And I am all for the message too - A woman has everything in her eyes! Thanks for sharing - DN

[yusuf]

Thank You so much! I could not be more agreed! :)

[Akshat♥]

Poem is just fantastic...i liked it :)
one advice though..just try to make a format for poems..
like small lines..
Keep writing!!

[yusuf]

Thank You Pal for your kind words stashed onboard here! I'd be glad if you'd review my other works too. Greetings and salutations!
Cheers-
Yusuf.

[Akshat♥]

I will try bro...take care:)

[beautiful dreamer]

oh how beautiful. sorry i don't do harsh critism. i'm not a critic i'm a softie and a lover. but i always review. i love poems like these, a lot of dot dots though? keep writing :)

[yusuf]

Thank You for taking out time to read and for providing your valuable comments! :)