Acting like Stephanie, but wanting to be seen as Jessica.

I have two close friends, Jessica and Stephanie. Jessica is the "serious" one in our relationship and Stephanie is the "fun" one.

I know I have never been able to claim my true identity. I think that's why I always do stuff to please other people. I know that deep inside I deserve more than I give myself. I know I should not myself go through the things that I out myself through. But I want to fit in but still standout. I want to be seen as independent, but I still want to be seen as friendly.

See Jessica knows who she is. She does not let people call her a Hoe or a B***h just for fun. She does not entertain immature childish talk. She never lets guys play with her hair or mess with her in class. She knows what to say exactly when its needed to be said. She knows that she is a girl and she needs to be respected. But people don't see it that way. She is often considered mean and stuck up. People give here weird stares because she never shows any part of her body that is "unnecessary"

But then there's Stephanie. Shes the happy one. The one that can always make you happy. Her jokes range from inappropriate to seriously inappropriate!. She is not ashamed to tell anyone that her dad sometimes grabs her moms b***s. See, to her life is a simple journey. Stephanie is my hoe and she often tells people how me and her "slept" together during the college tours. We didn't technically sleep together... we just shared a bed. And from that day forward everyone knows shes my how. Everyone loves Stephanie because on sunny days she will sometimes take off her school shirt and stay with a vest. And trust me she looks good, she knows she looks good and she doesn't have to try to make people to like her. She is the easiest person to talk to and you can talk to her about anything! 

Now lets talk about me. To my friends i am a "hoe" or sometimes they call me "ratchet". Not because i sleep around with guys or walk around showing my body. But because i never told them to stop calling me those words. I knew they were offensive but i wanted to fit in with the rest of the crowd so I just let it slide. I never felt offended until i realized that they never referred to me with my name. Most of the time they called me hoe and out of custom i just answered.I wanted to be seen as friendly as Stephanie. I didn't want to be the stuck up girl like Jessica. I want to be seen as fun but I never knew that being seen as fun comes at the expense of lowering my standards.

Today was when I realized that i no longer want to be seen as Stephanie. I know that I deserve more and I am tired of being treated as if i am a piece of trash. I cannot walk around pretending to be someone I am not, just because I want to please other people. I will be like Jessica and I will accept that yes! I will not be called a B***h because I am not a B***h!

Author's Note

I hope that this will make someone realize that they don't have to do something that they are not comfortable with.