The truth that I never told you

I wish i was brave enough to tell you what I really felt

       Ever since we started dating, I was never really sure of what I wanted. You were sure that I was your soul mate and I wasn't even sure if I liked you or I just saw pity on you. I never had the guts to tell you exactly how I felt because I didn't want to break your heart more than it was already broken. I kept telling myself that with time I would learn to love you the way you loved me but, unfortunately, i started taking advantage of the love that you gave me. Like the time I broke up with you over the summer and I told you that I needed space to be with myself, the truth is that I needed space to watch shows on Netflix before school started. Remember how I texted you right before your birthday; well I did that because I wanted you to text me on my birthday which was 12 days away from yours. I was scared of being lonely and with you around, you got rid of that fear. You took me back even after calling you hateful words. You always saw the good in not just me but in everything. Truth be told I was envious of how well you handled any given situation. I started turning our relationship into a crying pillow that I would lay on whenever I felt sad. Remember the time that we shared our life stories and how e cried together, remember how you held me tight and told me you would always take care of me, well after that moment I started taking pleasure in every time you were sad. Because in those moments, you became so valuable that you would forgive me for anything I had done. You don't have to say it, I already know I am a mean person and me don't really care about your feelings.

       When people say that guys break girls hearts, that isn't always true. sometimes the girls do more than break the guys, heart, they scar the guys life. Which is what I keep doing to you. Remember when you bought, me those pink earrings and those diamond earrings that came with a heart necklace, well I really liked them but I wasn't going to wear that heart on my neck because to me our relationship was doomed. I am not a material kind of person so I didn't mind that you didn't shower me with presents. But the real reason I didn't want any presents from you was because I didn't want to feel like I owed you anything after we broke up.

       Like you said I stopped paying attention to you. I stopped texting you every second. Well this was because I realized that we were very different people. You wanted to hug me and kiss me all night and I wanted to have a movie night with my friends. You wanted to sit with me during lunch and I wanted to go laugh with my friends. You wanted to hold hands as we walked and I wanted to hold your hand whenever I felt scared of the people approaching us. You wanted to stay up and text each other and I wanted to finish my homework and relax as I read tweets. You wanted to apply to only things that you were 100% sure you would get and I wanted to apply everywhere even if it meant I had to stretch myself really hard. You were ready to settle for the least and I wasn't going down without a fight. This relationship is a two-way street but at times, it seemed like I was on the freeway while you were still in the side walk. I know I messed up but you also never tried hard enough to reach my desired expectations. I just wanted you to be in the same line as me, but you always seemed to be satisfied with the little that you had.

        

       I think you already know the end is near. I thankful for all that you have done for me, but I am seriously tired of saying "I love you" when I know I don't even mean it. Like today, you offered to buy me a promise ring! I obviously said no because I know what my heart wants and I know that we are not the forever couple you think we are. I am trying to save you from any more heartache but you seem too attached to me. I know I have not been the perfect girl for you, but this was just not meant to be...