Decisions

God, make me good.

I want to be valiant, one of the faithful. I want to devote my life to heaven. I want to be like those who came before me, willing to give not just anything but everything. I want a life filled with sacrifice, and hope, and faith, and service, and joy, and charity. I want to keep every covenant and promise I've made with you. I want the spiritual gifts you promise throughout the scriptures. I want the blessings you bestow upon your most faithful. Use me to bless and love and serve others. I want the capacity to love more, both longer and more deeply.

But not yet.

Not today, and probably not tomorrow either. I want to hold him in my arms, to feel him breathing and his heart beat. I want to see him smile. I want to be the reason for that smile. I want the life of my dreams, the house, the job, the car, him. I want to kiss his face and neck and chest. I want to run my fingers through his hair. I want to have a contented smile, not a painful one. One that takes no effort, knows no hardship, and stays for long periods of times.

I want both things most.

 

God, make me good, but not yet.

Reviews

[Jess Holden]

Sad :(

[Chloe]

I know, handsome. I understand. I hope that one day things will work out in your favor, even if its not in this instance.