Newest Friend

Linking with lovely online geeks is a passion

I aspired to love an online  girl,
Whose photo glittered like a pearl.
Her stunning name looked so unique,
I longed to link with the online geek.
I tried hard to add her as a friend,
She declined as knew the latest trend.
It broke my heart but still aspired
To win her  friendship  till very tired.
I took another way to look in the case,
I wrote a poem praising her lovely face.
This also did not work,my heart cried,
 Lost most hope,my cup of love dried.
Felt very insulted and grew great anger,
I still thought of building a lover's sanger.
Lastly,I bought a bouquet and  lovely antic,
I thought  my dream would now smile and speak.
I sent these stuffs in festive wrapper.
It worked like magic and soon I got a letter.
She had added me as her newest friend, 
I felt happy as the coaxing came to an end.

Reviews

[JourneyBlu]

Nice job! Great flow and rhyme and I could really get the feeling of the piece. Just wanted to ask about the line "I sent these stuff in festive wrapper", I really like the line, but grammatically it should maybe be "this stuff" or "these things" or is it a nuance that I am just missing? Anyway, great write and I really enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing!

[zainul]

Thank you for very inspiring review.
Thanks also for indicating the words for editing.
Don't worry it is not a nuance .
I can edit it as you have suggested.
I like to wait for some more suggestions from other reviewers.
Please allow me some time for that.
I am very glad that you liked it.
Best wishes,
Zainul

[Gray Witch]

So sweet zainul...Hope springs eternal...What is meant by: ""a lover's SANGER"?

[zainul]

Thank you for the admiring review.

[quinfinn]

if this is the real thing then you must pursue without haste and lavish her with affection and sweet gifts....listen to her and hang upon every word, be a friend first and romance may follow! what a clever and sweet poem!

[zainul]

Thank you for your precious guidance and encouragement.
I have to be careful about advancing further for there are many factors involved!
Thanks for the admiring review and compliments.

[s y e]

Lovely. The flow is great! Well done my dear!

[zainul]

Thank you for the inspiring review.
This is a world to me.

[s y e]

Your welcome!

[Wolfhilde]

nice poem! it is sweet and explains the feelings of love. it flows perfectly, beautiful!

[zainul]

Thanks for the admiring review.I feel very blessed by it.
I am sorry for being so late .I don't know how I missed your lovely post.

[Wolfhilde]

Do not worry ;)

[zainul]

Thanks for the lovely gesture.

[Rhianne Ney]

Nice flow of poem... I'm glad you get what you hoped for! ;D

[zainul]

I am sorry for being so late .I don't know how I missed your lovely post.
Thanks for your great gesture and inspiring review.

[Rhianne Ney]

You're welcome~!

[Stanley Wilson]

Fun poem good rhyming

[zainul]

Thanks for the lovely review

[Debbie_Philly]

I love the Eb and Flow of this piece... and it was fun to read !! :) Great piece !!

[zainul]

Thanks for the amazing review.
I am glad that you it was fun to read.

[Sheila Kline]

Oh, it is so very whimsical, and enjoyable! It is nice he won her affections at long last - it shows persistence does pay off!
To add my two cents worth regarding "these stuffs" - perhaps enticers, or teasers, or as JourneyBlu suggested with "this stuff".

[zainul]

Thank you Sheila for the great review and awesome comments.
Thanks also for lovely suggestions.
I have edited once in response to the suggestion of Marie.
I am always ready to revise this piece.
I think it has the capacity to accommodate many more suggestions.
Thanks for your guidance and inspiration.

[Priscilla Sayers]

Adorable! I love this tale of wooing. Beautifully innocent dear poet!

[zainul]

Thank you Priscilla for the lovely review.
It inspires me to write more on wooing with decent words.
I am glad that you liked the piece.

[Marie]

Well I'm glad to know your cause was successful at last. I have looked at the sentence JourneyBlu commented on, and I think maybe "these stuffs" could be used to fit the context of your poem. The phrase is a little old fashioned, but not incorrect.

[zainul]

Thank you,Marie for your admiring review.
I will edit the piece today or tomorrow.
I thought some more suggestions would come.
Yes,I am very happy that my cause was successful at last.
Thanks for inspiring me constantly.