Untitled

This is a story that just flowed out of me. It has to do with a young adult boy and girl trying to survive together in a seemingly empty world.

PART 1 -She swiftly rushed to his side and stopped him from hitting the floor. Carmen looked down and saw a strong yet soft face. She looked at him quizzically and asked him, "Are you okay um..?"  Tom looked at her curiously as a small grin appeared on his face. "Ha-ha. Nice try. Sorry to disappoint but my name is not um it is Tom. And yes I am fine thank u uhh..." he said in a jokingly tone. "Oh Tom. Well I apologize to disappoint you but my name isn't uhh its Carmen. And I'm glad you are okay. I didn't know anyone was still living in the cities. You took me by surprise." As she looked down at his face she suddenly felt weak at her knees as if she were the sick one. She bit her bottom lip attempting to stop it from shaking. Tom looked up into her eyes and felt almost nervous. He cleared his throat and got free of her grip on him and got up. "Um I am fine now thanks to you." He said looking at her and smiling. She shyly looked down and stood up herself. "Oh. Sorry I hadn't noticed I was still holding you." He looked at her with an sudden feeling of compassion and something else he couldn't quite pinpoint. He looked at her in the eyes. What was it that he was feeling? He felt in his heart that he just wanted to be close to her to hold her close...No what was he thinking? That couldn't happen. Talk about bad timing. Anyway hadn't they just met? "Tom!" Carmen said in a louder voice. Tom suddenly came out of the spell that she had somehow seemed to put him under. "Oh. Yes Carmen? What happened?" She started to pull on his sleeve and nervously began to move backward. "Now Tom I know that you are new to this and I don't want to make you nervous but, we have got to get out of here. C'mon!" She grabbed his hand and began to run. He was ready to look back but as soon as he felt her soft hands against his own hand he realized all he cared about was her. No matter what happened he would follow her with no doubt. They entered the forest that was near the city. As they ran he heard the branches breaking and grunting behind them. Then suddenly he heard a high screeching sound. "Ahhh!" Tom let out the painful scream as he squatted down and pulled his hand away from Carmen. He was in a crouched position like a child afraid of a monster. "Tom, please just follow me. We are almost there. Please just trust me!" Carmen pleadingly looked into his eyes and reached out her hand. Tom looked up and found himself holding her hand and running towards a ladder hanging from a tree. They quickly climbed up and once they both made it Carmen quickly pulled up the ladder. As Tom's breathing was slowly calming down he looked down the tree and couldn't believe what he had saw. Suddenly he had remembered seeing a creature just like this. It felt like a hazy memory or dream of something that may have hurt his family. Yet looking at the creature he wondered how much of this hazy dream had been his memory or reality... He slowly reached for Carmen's hand and squeezed it gently realizing she was the only real thing he could hold on to at the moment.

PART 2 - As Tom's eyes slowly opened, they started to come into focus and the first thing he saw was..."Carmen? Is...Is that you?" he asked rubbing his eyes trying to make his eyes focus quicker. "Tom? Oh my, you're ok! I'm so glad. Just lie down and try to relax. Okay?" Carmen looked at him with a mix of worry and happiness. Tom looked into her eyes and grabbed her hand with his and squeezed it strong enough to let her know that he was feeling better. As he did this he had a flashback. He remembered being on a tree and seeing that horrible creature...then Carmen's soft and comforting hands. Then...then...he didn't remember anything after that. As he lay down, he turned to Carmen and started to speak, "Carmen? How did I get here? What happened? I don't remember anything." He looked up into Carmen's eyes trying to search for the answer he was looking for. Carmen looked back at him and bit her lip. She seemed to be fighting with herself over something. "Well Tom? I remember." Tom chuckled and said, "Of course you remember that's why I'm asking." He smiled up at her searching her gaze trying to make her smile. Carmen looked away and continued as she squeezed Tom's hand. "No Tom. I mean that I remember everything. I know what happened to you. I know everything about your past." she glanced back at him hoping he wouldn't be upset. Tom slowly stopped smiling and seemed confused. "I don't understand Carmen. How did you even know that I had forgotten things of my past?" He angrily tore his glance away from her and stared at the plain tan wall of the hut. Carmen started to feel her voice cracking and felt tears well up in her eyes. "Tom. Please don't do this. I was positive. I mean I really did think that your memory hadn't disappeared. But once I realized that you didn't recognize me I knew that there was no doubt that you had lost your memory..."

PART 3 - Tom continued to look at the wall of the hut and let go of Carmen's hand. Carmen stood up and paced in the hut looking away from Tom and continued to speak. "Tom? You know, I remember this one time when we were about five years old and you wanted to play in the forest. I was so scared.. I refused to go but you just turned to me and grabbed my hand and kissed it and told me that you would never leave me alone. And then you gave me the sweetest smile. Ever since that day we promised to never leave the other alone no matter what. And I squeezed your hand and followed you." Carmen took a deep breath trying to hold back the tears that threatened to come out of her eyes. When she turned back to Tom she saw that he was sitting up and looking at her. He looked at her the same way he had that sunny summer day when they were five. "Carmen? Why...why didn't you try to tell me before? Why didn't you let me know some way? Any way that you knew me..." He tore his glance away from her as he felt hot tears rolling down his cheeks. "I feel so lost Carmen." he said to her in such a defeated tone of voice that it tore her heart. "Tom?" Carmen said in a feeble voice as she went over to him and sat down next to him. "Tom, don’t worry. It's okay if you feel lost or confused. I'm here for you. Just like we agreed when we were five. Even fifteen years later, it's still true. A promise is a promise." she smiled at him just feeling happy to have him back. As she looked at him, Tom raised his eyes and looked at her and held her hands and he began to cry. He cried tears of confusion, of fear, of loss, of not being alone anymore. Carmen was taken aback and did the most logical thing she could think of. She did what Tom always did for her when she was crying, she held him close to her and laid her head on his head and closed her eyes. "Oh Tom. I'm so sorry it took me so long to find you." she kissed his head as his crying slowly became small sobs. Then suddenly they heard a low growl outside of the hut. Quickly, Tom and Carmen looked around at all the walls of the hut. The growl became louder and louder as terror quickly took over their emotions.

PART 4 - The beast that tried to kill them before, when they were at the abandoned town, had returned. It ripped through the wall of the hut with its long curling yellow nails. The creature hovered over Tom and Carmen. Its eyes were a flaming red and its skin was as black as midnight and seemed to be rotting... The reek of this creature seemed to slice through their noses and made their eyes tear. It walked towards them slowly as it roared, showing them its hideous teeth Desperately, Carmen spoke to Tom, "Tom? Hurry! Do you think you can walk?" Tom quickly responded, "Um yes. I think I can." He struggled to his feet holding onto his side. Carmen grabbed her katana and quickly sliced through the wall of the hut. She held Tom’s hand and she looked his way. “Tom do you trust me?” she asked him looking at his eyes. Looking deep into hers, Tom slowly nodded and just as the creature was about to slice through them, they fell. Tom closed his eyes fearing the worst. Yet, even though he had the idea that this might me his end, holding her hand it didn’t seem to… Before Tom was able to finish that thought he felt himself being lifted higher into the sky. Tom quickly opened his eyes and all he saw underneath him was an ocean of trees sailing by. He looked up, stunned at what he had just witnessed, feeling the need to share this with Carmen.  However, when he looked up he was left speechless. Carmen had her arms around him and they weren’t sailing through the sky, they were soaring. Tom couldn’t believe it and before he knew it, he fainted.

Author's Note

ignore the grammar because I have not fully revised yet, what do you think of the plot? can it be futher developed? towards what direction do you see it heading? constructive criticism on how to make it better

Reviews

[Prritiy]

Before Tom was able to finish that thought he felt himself being lifted higher into the sky. Tom quickly opened his eyes and all he saw underneath him was an ocean of trees sailing by. He looked up, stunned at what he had just witnessed, feeling the need to share this with Carmen. However, when he looked up he was left speechless. Carmen had her arms around him and they weren’t sailing through the sky, they were soaring. Tom couldn’t believe it and before he knew it, he fainted.

hi i am reading you for the first time i guess :). i liked the story and yes do continue it, i would love to read it till the end :)
best wishes