Love's Remorse

Realizing a dream holds more significance than he thought, Jacob is too late and helpless to do anything to stop the hurried, critical decision he made.

 

            Jacob’s eyes snapped opened, startled by a loud, unrecognizable -- through the deep haze of sleep -- sound. He lay there breathing slow, trying to still his rapid beating heart. What the hell? He thought. He felt completely out of sorts, confused, and unsure. These were such odd emotions for Jacob to feel. He wasn’t used to feeling this way. Ever. His head felt heavy, as if he was trying to think through a veil of thick fog, and he immediately wondered if he was ill. He closed his eyes for a moment trying to relax, slowly breathing in and out, in and out. The faint smell of lingering roses wafted through Jacobs’s senses catching his attention and his eyes flew open. Roses? From my dream? He inquisitively pondered over the memory of a smell so sweet and pungent, of the scent of rose, of beauty, of love.

            Subconsciously Jacob’s hand slid over to the other side of the bed, searching. For a moment, he expected someone to be there, someone beautiful and warm, but just like every morning, Jacob was alone. As soon as he realized what he was doing, Jacob snatched his hand away from the cold sheet as if it burned his skin, threw the covers off his body, and sat straight up in bed. He shook his head trying to clear the fog. Something was off, yet he couldn’t quite figure it out. He got out of bed and looked around his room. A realization hit him and then he remembered the dream.

            He scratched his head trying to understand what he had just dreamt. He stretched his body hard, trying to get rid of the nagging, uneasy feeling the dream left behind. Something felt out of place. He felt like something was missing or that he was missing something, which was a ridiculous feeling. He looked around his room again. He never missed anything. He was very neat and organized, meticulous even. Throughout his whole life he had been an organized person, always having everything in order. Nothing was ever out of place in Jacob’s life. Nothing was ever messy, missing or misplaced.  He made plans in advance and limited his chances with spontaneity.  He knew what to expect and when to expect it, and he always knew what to do. He was always in control, always sure of himself, always confident in his actions. Stupid dream, he thought. He didn’t like the feeling of uncertainty that was invading him. Shaking his head again, he tried to clear his mind from the effects of the dream, but instead the dream came to him full force and as vividly as a movie preview trailer.

            In his dream, Jacob basically had the same life. The same job, house, and car. He wore the same clothes and went to the same places. The one addition to his life was love, so precious, perfect, and powerful. He was in love with the most beautiful, amazing woman. She had the silkiest, softest, and satiny curls of brunette hair with dark auburn highlights that glowed in the sunlight. Her skin was the warm color of golden honey that seemed to exude the scent of rose. Her curious eyes so big and dark looked like big, black coals. And he loved her, with all of his soul, he put her on a pedestal, he worshipped her. She knew all his secrets and she loved him. She accepted him as he was, and he was so grateful for her. He was the happiest man in the world.

            They shared his house together. He loved living with her though she spread her things all over the house, from her hairbrush to her laundry basket to her books to her toothbrush in the bathroom. They were soul mates, the perfect power couple. She was a lawyer and he a pharmacist. People admired them, envied them, and wanted to be them. They had a beautiful house in an upscale neighborhood in the city. They both had nice cars and could afford luxuries such as vacations on a regular basis. And they were in love, the kind of fairy tale love that only happens in the movies, real true love.

            The dream-movie that played in his head hit him with so much emotion he staggered and almost fell to the floor. He unsuccessfully tried to recover quickly and in the process, glanced at the bed. Ramona, he thought, a pained look on his face. He hurried to the drawers, the top one, where in the dream Ramona kept her delicate things such as lingerie and underwear. Inside it were only boxers and socks, Jacob‘s boxers and socks. Jacob took a slow, deep breath. Be rational. It was just a dream. Of course, her things are not here. It was only a dream. Her things shouldn’t be here. However, no matter what he told himself, Jacob felt dejected, for the first time in his adult life.

            He walked to the bathroom, attached to his room by a short hallway. Inside the bathroom, he couldn’t help but look for Ramona’s purple toothbrush although he knew it would not be there. Damnit! He scolded himself. Stop Jacob. It was a dream, a figment of your imagination. Just a dream! Nevertheless, he couldn’t stop himself from opening the linen closet in the bathroom to look for Ramona’s favorite orange towel. NO! It wasn’t there. And neither were any of her other towels, the bright blue one, the yellow one, or the magenta one. But the orange one never left the house. It was her home towel she only used at home after bathing. Jacob couldn‘t understand the sadness he felt as he looked for Ramona‘s makeup box and toiletry bag that he knew would not be there. It wasn’t there. Jacob had never felt so alone. He had never wanted someone as bad as he wanted Ramona right now.

                Jacob looked at himself in the mirror above the pedestal sink. He didn’t recognize the reflection starring back at him blurry eyed and forlorn. His face sagged from grief and his eyes were bloodshot red as if he drank a whole fifth to himself last night.  What the hell is wrong with me? He asked his reflection. He continued to stare at himself in the mirror when finally, the mirror transformed and again he was seeing his dream-movie right before his eyes.

            Jacob and Ramona were walking along the ocean, in the sand, right before sunset. They were both barefoot. It was summertime and Ramona was wearing a beautiful white dress that stopped just above her knees. Jacob couldn’t keep his eyes off her all day. He loved her in white because it made her look even more angelic than she already was. He was especially excited this day because he had a surprise gift in a little box in his pocket for her. The walked hand in hand in silence, enjoying the last moments of sunlight. When Jacob felt the time was right, he stopped Ramona and stood facing her. “I love you,” he told her. “From the first time I saw you in the store. I knew I loved you.”

            “Well, when you ran your cart into my Achilles tendon, I was overcome with pain.” Ramona rolled her eyes teasingly. “When you tended to me, I knew you were the one I’d been waiting for. I knew when ‘Mr. Right’ showed up, he would come with a bang, I just didn’t know I’d be the one getting banged.”

            “Oh and I banged you good baby. That day and then a week later, and yesterday and last night and this morning and---”

            “Ok, ok.” They both laughed. Jacob gently pulled Ramona to him and they shared a passionate emotion-filled kiss that only lovers share. “I knew I loved you when you offered to kiss my Achilles after we inspected it and realized the skin was broken.” Ramona kissed Jacob again. This time with more force as her hand caressed his chest through his shirt.

            “I knew you were the one I was going to spend my life with.” He said holding her close. He kissed her cheek, then on the neck. “Babe, can I ask you something?” He stepped back, out of their embrace waiting for her answer.

            “Of course,” she looked at him curiously. She watched him as he put his hands in his pockets and looked her straight in the eyes.

            “I love you with all my heart.”

            “And I love you. What is it Babe?”

            Ramona watched as Jacob bent down as if to tie his shoes but he was barefooted. Ramona realized this after Jacob was already kneeling in the sand, but before she could say anything, she noticed he had something in his hands. He was showing her the open box with a beautiful white gold ring inside, perfect with a heart shaped opal encrusted with tiny crystals. It was beautiful.

            “Will you spend the rest of your life with me? Will you marry me?” Ramona looked into Jacob’s eyes. The love he felt for her was seeping from them. Ramona couldn’t contain her emotions either. Her eyes shed happy tears as she nodded her answer. “Well?” He asked. “I can’t hear you.” He smiled as he removed the ring from the little box and put it on her finger. “Perfect fit.” He told her. “Just like you and I.” And eventually after some time of looking into one another’s eyes and passionately kissing, they made love in the sand as the light of the sun when down past the horizon.

            When the dream-movie stopped playing, Jacob was overcome with sorrow as if grieving a lost loved one. Hot tears fell from his eyes and a sob escaped his throat. It was an odd sound, incomprehensible, just a blur of vowels. He thought of the beautiful feeling he felt being with Ramona. And the moment he asked her to marry him was something he’d never forget, even if it was a dream. So filled with anguish and despair, Jacob let out a roar similar to a mama lion’s after she’s lost a baby to a wild boar attack. He called out Ramona’s name although all logic in his brain told him it was useless.

            Again he was forced to look at his harrowed reflection. Is this what I’ve been reduced to? He questioned. A blubbering fool? All because of a dream? Get a grip, he told himself. He turned on the faucet to cold and splashed cold water on his face. He just stood there for a moment looking at himself. He was so engulfed by sadness he couldn’t focus his mind. He felt like a part of him was dying and he didn’t know what to do about it.

            Jacob opened the medicine cabinet looking for his toothpaste when his eyes landed on a small bottle of pills. He picked up the bottle -- Valium, tranquilizers that provide relief from muscle spasms and short term relief from anxiety and tension -- and noticed the seal was broken on it. This bottle was a Pharmacist special blend that contained a mix of 1, 5, and 10 mg doses. Did I take these last night? He wondered. I must have. That’s why I feel so groggy. Why would I do that? Disgusted with himself, Jacob threw the bottle of pills. He turned on the faucet and rinsed his faced with cold water again. As he stood there, bent over the sink, his face in his hands, a vision of Ramona flooded into his memory. Her smile so full of sunshine made his heart ache. He wanted to hold her, longed to hear her say his name, craved to smell her rose scented neck. He desperately wished to have her in his arms once more. Though he knew Ramona was just a figment of his imagination, a mere image from his dreams, he couldn’t help but grieve for the loss he felt. Head in his hands, he wept for the lost Ramona.

            Loneliness and misery set deep inside his soul, and he felt a dark hopelessness settling in his bones. He felt as if he was empty, nothing left inside him, nothing left to give, nothing left to live for. His head hurt as if the world had just stopped spinning but because of centrifugal forces, his brain was still spinning inside his head and bouncing of the sides of his skull repeatedly causing a massive migraine. He didn’t understand how he could feel nothing and feel pain simultaneously. He felt the blackness of nothing, the emptiness of sorrow, as if a black hole appeared and swallowed his heart. He no longer cared for anything all, except seeing his Ramona and the only way to do that was to go to sleep and dream about being together with Ramona always.

            He suddenly, maniacally decided that since Ramona was just a figment of his imagination, only in his dreams, then he would put himself into a sleep so deep that he would forever be with his Ramona. He searched the bathroom for the bottle of pills he threw and found it behind the bathroom door. He held the bottle up to his face studying it intently, thinking deeply; contemplating the move he was willing to make, the gambling decision that will change his life forever.

            In the kitchen, Jacob emptied out the contents of the bottle onto the marble counter causing blue, yellow, and white pills to spill out all over, some even landed on the floor. Jacob got a glass of orange juice and stood looking at the contrast of the array of colorful pills against the black marble counter.

            He looked around his kitchen. He had all the latest kitchen gadgets and beautiful artwork on his walls, state-of-the-art kitchen décor but no one to share it with. He realized that he had been living the American dream all alone and it felt desolate and remote without someone to share it with.

    To be with someone, to have them love you and accept you as you are despite all your flaws, that’s the American dream, not living in debt, over consumption, and greed. How sad it is living in the world alone without the love of another to share everything with. Jacob realized he had been living for all the wrong reasons. Money is important, yes, but it is not the most important thing in the world. Money and an abundance of stuff does not make a person happy. It helps, sure, but it doesn’t bring happiness into your life. Love makes people happy. Love is the motivation people have to want to do better and be better in life. Love is the lifeline people cling to when they feel like death is at their door. Love conquers all. Love changes all. As Jacob thought this, burdened by the emptiness of a loveless life, he gulped down all remaining pills he could find.

            Jacob pulled out one of the bar chairs at the counter and sat down. He put his bare arms on the cool black counter and lowered his head until it was resting on his folded arms. He once again contemplated love and came to the conclusion that it is pointless to keep on living when you don’t have love in your life. He wished he had taken Oxycontin instead because he’d probably be out by now, never to think of lost love again.

            The morning sun was shining through Jacob’s kitchen window casting light on the entire counter including where he sat. Jacob removed his arms and turned his head so that his cheek was resting on the counter. His arms were limp in his lap and he welcomed the coolness of the black marble tile on his warm skin. The fog in his mind began to set in once again and he blinked slowly three times trying to clear the fog from his brain. He saw something sparkle in his line of vision, a couple of feet away from where his head lay resting on the counter; however, the thick veil of fog was obstructing his view so he couldn’t clearly make out what was sparkling. With some effort, Jacob lifted his arm to the top of the counter. It took a little time to do so but he did it. Then he sluggishly walked his hand over to where he saw sparkles. His head touched paper first then a few more finger walks and he felt something cool and hard. He clasped his hand around the object and brought it close to his face. It was an opal heart ring encrusted in crystals. Jacob tried to raise his head when a swarm of memories came rushing to his mindlike the flood of an angry river tumbling cars and smashing into houses.

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            Last night he had brought home a bottle of pills for Mrs. Harvey, the elderly widow, who lived next door. Mrs. Harvey had been having bouts of anxiety since her husband died six months ago. Jacob loved Mrs. Harvey like a mother and knew she couldn’t afford the medication she needed. So Jacob, being a Pharmacist, decided he would help her, prescribe her medication without a doctor’s recommendation, although he knew it was against the law. When he got home and told Ramona what he had done, she was very upset. They’d already had talks about this on many occasions and Jacob always agreed with Ramona, that considering all factors, it was not a good idea because he could get in trouble, so he never did it.

            The catalyst was when Jacob stopped by Mrs. Harvey’s place yesterday morning on his way to work and found her in a panic attack because she couldn‘t leave the house today. He did what he could to help her without medication and eventually left for work. But his heart was heavy all day. He was certain that Mrs. Harvey needed specific pills and knew enough of her medical history to prescribe Valium.

            So when he got home, Ramona was furious. “Jake you can lose your job; you know that, don’t you?”

            “Yes, honey, I do. But--”

            “And isn’t it against the law to prescribe something without a doctor’s recommendation?”

            “Yes, babe, it is. But did--”

            “And didn’t I tell you I would take Mrs. Harvey in to get the prescription from the doctor?”

            “Yeah, you did. But honey just listen--”

            “Jake I’m so over this conversation. You continuously go behind my back and make decisions without consulting me. Aren’t I your wife Jake?”

            “Yes.”

            “And don’t I deserve to be included in the decision making process?”

            “Of course babe.”

            “Well…”

            He had been waiting patiently to speak. He knew that when Ramona was upset, it was better to just let her finish her rants. When she got into “lawyer mode”, it was easier to wait until she settled down some to talk things over rationally. But judging from her tone, Jacob knew she was no where near finished yet.

            “This morning I went over to see Mrs. Harvey and--”

            “Oh I know, she was having a panic attack and you couldn’t properly help her because you didn’t have the medication she needed. Yes, I know. It happens every week.”

            “Honey, she’s been depressed since Albert died.”

            “I know.”

            “But this time it was worse. It took me over an hour to relax her enough to get her to lie down.”

            “So you spent over an hour with her this morning?” Ramona asked disbelievingly, getting more visibly upset. “When I asked you to help me move some things into the garage this morning, you complained about having to be to work and not having any extra time to help me. But you stayed with old Mrs. Harvey for over an hour!”

            “Whoa Ramona.”

            “I hate when you say that, you know that.”

            “I know. Just trying to get you to calm down.”

            Ramona sarcastically replied, “Oh yeah! Say something to piss me off. That’ll calm me down good. I bet you’re all sweet with Mrs. Harvey. I bet you didn’t say anything that would piss her off. You know, sometimes I need you too. I’m your wife.”

            Jacob walked toward Ramona in an attempt to try and make her feel better. He held his arms out as he reached her and she slapped his arms away. He lowered his voice to soothing and tried to comfort her. “Babe, I know you are my wife. You are amazing, that’s why I married you. But Mrs. Harvey doesn’t have anyone to look out for her anymore now that Albert has died. I just worry about her.”

            “Why don’t you worry about me, Jake? I need you as much as Mrs. Harvey, if not more. Last night I needed you so bad. But you were at Mrs. Harvey’s helping her. What am I supposed to do when I need you?”

            “Don’t you have the glass replacement?”

            “Jake, be serious! I’m talking about caring for me, attending to my needs--”

            “Which is why you got the glass replacement right?”

            “Goddammit Jake!” Ramona was frustrated now and not in the mood for Jacob’s games. “I have the f*****g d***o because when I need to have an orgasm, you are either at work, with Mrs. Harvey, or taking a f*****g nap. It is a d***o, not a replacement for you. I only use it when I need it and you‘re not around.”

            “Sounds like a replacement to me.”

            “D****t Jake! Then make love to me right now then. Let’s go. Right now!”

            Jacob paused to think. He’s had Mrs. Harvey’s pills in his pocket. He knew she needed them as soon as possible. He looked at Ramona’s beautiful face all twisted with anger and hurt. He loved her so much, with all is heart. And he really wanted to make love to her. Right now. But the need to help Mrs. Harvey was nagging him a little more. He hoped she would understand his need to want to help Mrs. Harvey.

            “Babe, I can’t. I--”

            “I f*****g knew it! You can’t do it. Even when I ask you. What you want me to beg and plead?” She got down on her knees.

            “Come on babe. Get up.”

            “Please Jake.”

            “Mones,” his nickname he made for her. “Mones. You know she’s like a mother to me.”

            “Yes, but she’s not your mother. Your mother died when you were in college Jake and you made the decision to stay on campus instead of going to visit your dying mother.”

            “I didn’t know my mother was going to die! The doctor’s said she had a few months left, not a couple of days. D****t Mones! Why do you have to bring this up?”

            “Just because you feel guilty about not being there for your own mother doesn’t mean you have to be there for every old lady in town.”

            “I couldn’t help my mother but I’ll be damned if I just sit by while an old lady dies. I can’t just ignore the fact that she needs help. What do you expect me to do?”

            “I expect her own children to tend to her.”

            “They’re too far away.”

            “I know! It’s just… It’s just that… That…I need you too Jake.”

            “I know you do Babe.” He closed the gap between the two of them. “I’m sorry Babe. I know I haven’t been there for you like you need me to.” He pulled her into his arms for a hug.  She let him hold her. He relished the smell of rose on her skin. “Thanks for understanding. She’s not my mother but she might as well be. And I have to help her Mones. I have to.”

            “Please Jake. I need you right now.”

            “Soon, Mones. Let me go check on Mrs. Harvey real quick and I’ll be back soon.”

            Dejected, Ramona lashes out. “You go over there and I’m leaving Jake.”

            “Are you serious Ramona?”

            “Yes, Jake.”

            “That’s unbelievable! Now you’re giving me an ultimatum? Are you serious?

            “Jake. I need you right now. Right now! Do you hear me?”

            “Wow. You’re being completely unreasonable. Crazy even.”

            “Oh, now you’re calling me crazy Jake? Well, f**k you!”

            Ramona ran off to their room and slammed the door. Jacob didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know if he should go see Mrs. Harvey before she fell asleep or try to tend to his emotional, moody wife. He stood there, in the living room in a moment of uncertainty. Surely Ramona will understand eventually. But how to make her relax now, he wasn‘t sure.

            He walked to their bedroom door and tried the doorknob. It was locked so he knocked forcefully. “Ramona. Unlock the door.” He asked sincerely.

            “No!” came the shout from behind the door.

            “Come on Ramona,” he raised his voice to a yell.

            “F**k you Jake!” Ramona yelled back. Then she opened the door abruptly. She stood face to face with Jacob. They stared at each other for a moment. Ramona looked wild-eyed and crazy with bloodshot red eyes from crying. She was carrying a bag on a shoulder and a laundry basket of things. “I’m leaving Jake.” She told him as a tear betrayed her and rolled down her face. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t handle it.”

            Unable to say anything, dumbfounded as he was, Jacob stood there with his mouth hanging open. He watched Ramona as she continued to speak. “For six months I watched you leave every night after dinner to go take care of Mrs. Harvey. For six months I’ve cried every night hoping you’d come back home and make love to me just once before I fell asleep. So many nights I’d pull out my replacement as you call it, warm it up and just sleep with it between my legs so I feel like someone is there. I can’t do this anymore Jake. I can’t.”

            With tears streaming down her face she walked away. She stopped in different rooms to get things she needed. Favorite mug in the kitchen, towels, make-up and toothbrush in the bathroom, and she grabbed several framed photographs of the two of them that she developed herself. Then she laid a note on the kitchen counter, slowly slid her ring off, and placed it on the note on the counter. She walked to the front door with Jacob fast on her heels.

            “Babe, stop. Seriously stop. You can’t leave me. I love you. Babe, stop. Babe! Stop!” At the front door Ramona turned to face him. Her face full of sorrow, tears streaming, dotting the collar of her shirt. He tried to take her into his arms but she fought him. “Babe, please!” Jacob started getting frantic. “Ramona! No! Don’t! Go!” His plea came out in short quick bursts as he clamored for anything that would keep her there. “Babe, stay. Come on. We’ll make a baby like you always wanted.”

            She just glared at him. Through clenched teeth she said, “Oh. Now you want to make a baby.”

            “Just don’t go.”

            “So you’ll impregnate me just so I’ll stay? A bribe? That’s low Jake.”

            “Please don’t go. Come on. I’m ready now. Let’s go. Let’s love. Baby I need you.”

            “I have to beg and plead for your time, for your love, for your attention. But when you’re ready, I’m supposed to put everything aside and jump when you say. I don’t think so.”

            Ramona turned her back on him and quietly walked out of his life. “Ramona, don’t go!” He followed her outside to her car calling her name. “Ramona!” He yelled her name as she backed the car out of the driveway.  “Ramona!” He called as she paused to put the car in drive. Their eyes met for a moment. He saw the pain and anguish in her eyes while she saw the raw love and torture in his. He stood there yelling her name even after she drove off.

            Jacob walked back to the house. Inside he quietly closed the door and touched it with his hand. “Ramona.” He called softly. Then he turned so his back was against the door. He banged his head against the door as he softly said her name. “Ramona,” bang. “Ramona,” bang. “Ramona,” bang. Eventually he stopped calling her. He slid to the floor. “What have I done?” He put his face in his hands and sobbed.

            After some time, Jacob’s tears had dried. He got up and walked to the bathroom. Right away he noticed Ramona’s things were gone. That started a whole new round of fresh tears. He avoided his reflection in the mirror. He noticed his heart started beating a little faster than normal. He then tried to image life without Ramona and his pulse quickened even more. He was starting to breath faster and harder as if he wasn’t getting enough oxygen to his lungs. He felt like he was having an asthma attack though he’s never had asthma before. He tried to take a deep breath but ended up coughing and wheezing. Is this what a panic attack feels like? With that thought, Jacob remembered the pills in his pocket, the anti-anxiety pills. Why not? He pondered. I’m experiencing some major anxiety here. Now.

            Jacob broke the seal on the bottle and shook out three blue pills and one white pill. That should do the trick. Jacob turned on the faucet and took four Valium, a total of 35 mg. He put the bottle in the medicine cabinet reminding himself to take it to Mrs. Harvey first thing tomorrow morning.              

            Back in the kitchen Jacob began to worry about Mrs. Harvey. He usually visited Mrs. Harvey every night. Hopefully she won’t be worried. He was worried. He wondered if she needed anything. Although he felt too emotionally taxed to visit her, he couldn’t help but wonder if she was ok. He pulled out a bottle of wine and a glass. He poured himself a little Cabernet Sauvignon and in his despair ended up drinking the whole bottle.

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            With the ring in his hand and his head full of fog, Jacob called out Ramona’s name but it came out as a whisper instead. He was so confused. Married? Ramona? His mind seemed to be mixing things up. It wasn’t a dream? He questioned himself. Is Ramona real? Love is real? He questioned everything as he fell sideways out of the chair. He landed on the hardwood floor on his side. The ring fell from his hand. He heard it bounce away, tink, tink, tink. As he closed his eyes to let the fog roll in from all sides, he smelled roses. “Ramona.” His plea was barely audible by now. “Ramona.” He repeated her name over and over like a prayer. He was hoping for salvation. “Love you Ramona. All my heart and soul.”

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            The front door opens and Ramona walks in with her laundry basket in her hand. “Jake,” she calls as she closes the door with her foot. She puts down her laundry basket, takes off her shoes, and looks around the living room. “Jake,” she calls again. “I’m sorry for being so irrational. Jake.” Surprised by the absence of his voice, Ramona goes looking for him.

            As she enters the kitchen, she steps on something that hurts her bare foot. “Ouch.” What was that? She bends down to see what she stepped on. She picks up the pretty crystal encrusted opal ring. My ring. “Jake, I’m--” She sees Jake slumped on the floor and rushes to his side. “Jake.” He is unresponsive. “Jake!” She shouts as she tries to rouse him. She shakes him violently when he still doesn’t respond. “I’m sorry babe. I’m sorry.” Tears streaming down her face she kisses Jacob on the lips. In his ear she whispers, “I’m sorry. Jake. I’m sorry.”

            Somehow, through the thick veil of white fog, Jacob hears an angel say, “I’m sorry.” The angel seemed to be in his head. “Jake. I’m sorry.”

            Panicked, Ramona gets up to find the phone. In her haste she kicks the empty pill bottle. She frantically glances around the kitchen for a phone and finally realizes her cell is in her pocket. She pulls out her phone and dials 9-1-1.