the man on the road parts1 through 10

1-10

The man on the road part 1

The man on the road, short and hardened by the weather, was hungry. He had nowhere to be but there, on the road. Seeing as there was no better place for this man on the road, falling apart and winding, he decided to walk. So this is how his story began... 

 

 

"Hello".....

"Am I alone"....

The man on the road, wet from rain, looked around curiously at the noise he had heard. Shrugging it off he started thinking of where he would get his next meal... not only where but when... it had been three days. Three long days. Three days ago the man on the road, burning from the heat of the sun, ate a sandwich... not any special sandwich just an everyday run of the mill sandwich found in your everyday run of the grocery store. that was when the man on the road, old and worn, had last eaten. Luckily it had started raining and he was able to drink that but as far as food... well what happens when you have not eaten in three days... you get hungry....

"Hey"

"You up ahead slow down"

The man on the road, suddenly sleek and "alive", ran trying to catch up to someone. Someone else on the road. He had not seen another soul for some time now and was excited. Reaching the spot where he had seen someone... the man on the road, twisting confusingly, realized there was no one there... just a shadow and him.

"Well might as well stay here for the night"

The man on the road, short and hardened by the weather... falling apart and winding... wet from rain... burning from the heat of the sun... old and worn... suddenly sleek and "alive"... twisting confusingly, decided that it was time to sleep and so, that is what he did.

 

To be continued... 

what will happen to this man? and the strange descriptions of him, or wait where those descriptions of the road.... what will happen to this man on the road...

 

The man on the road part 2

 

*Groan*

"Boy was that one good night of sleep im rarin ta go now"!

The man on the road, rough around the edges yet homely at the same time, started anew his rigorous walking as he had the day prior and as he shall tomorrow. It seemed on the brink of rain, but not with clouds over head and the looming sound of thunder in the distance, no, it was more the dense humidity you feel on an especially hot and humid day that you only feel just before a cooling rain comes. The man on the road, simple but with a touch of hidden intricacy knew he did not have much time before the downpour, and with down pours often came lighting. The man on the road, hot and dehydrated, needed somewhere safe to wait his storm out, for that is what was coming a storm not like any storm ever seen in the world.... and he could feel that he could feel the importance of shelter this simple man on the road could feel something no one else in the world could feel..... (as probably silly as these will seem well get over it I'm a silly guy just look deep into the writing for the intelligent stuff it's there) the end of the world! 

 

Now as the narrator I feel implied to tell you that this man, let’s call him Jerry because I do not know what his name actually is :), is not the main character of this story he was just the figure i used to introduce the coming of the end of the world in a more calm way because as we all know had the story started out being called (ANOTHER STORY THATS TOTALLY ABOUT THE WORLD ENDING JUST LIKE ALL EIGHTEEN MILLION TWENTY SEVEN THOUSAND OTHER ONES OUT THERE) then many of you the reader would not have opened the link to these pages? Another reason that Jerry was introduced was because I wanted to weed out anyone that just judged the book by its cover all those people that didn't bother opening this story the man on the road 2 will be missing out on one of the most action packed stories of their lifetimes.... or at least a page or two of writing.... depending on how long it lasts and if i get bored of it or not! ok enough babbling now, on with the story, let's go meet the real hero of this story a man named Steve, well here we go into the story of a lifetime if you dare to follow I'll see you again in the third "thrilling" chapter of the man on the road.

 

The man on the road part 3

 

Well here we go readers onto the story of a lifetime for those of you who have traveled with Jerry you will notice a whole different kind of story when you meet Steve!

 

 

*Yawn*

*Stretch*

"Rex, come here boy"! "Morning Rex wanna go outside, come on lets go"!!!

Steve, a young man in his late twenties, lived alone with his dog Rex. He lived on a little house on a big hill in a little town called Flourence, in the state of Ohio. Steve did not know what was going to happen today, and he did not know that it would change his life forever. Today was Steve's last day on Earth, well it was everyone’s last day on earth but Steve is one of the few people on earth that his last day is not today. You see years ago somewhere in Canada, a place where many a wondrous thing can happen mainly because of their awesome ability of having two languages on everything including the bottles of Hershey's syrup that you use to make that chocolate milk with every morning, a scientist by the name of Eugene Stomper, a man of great intellect and small confidence, created the first spaceship that could travel at the speed of light! But, as soon as the Canadian Government found out that Eugene could actually only read one of the languages on the Hershey's bottle, they promptly kicked him out of Canada, because everyone knows you can only visit Canada for a couple of weeks before you get kicked out unless you can entirely read the Hershey's bottle to the highest ranking Canadian officer at the time. That’s when Eugene decided to move to a little town in Ohio, the town of Flourence. Once in Flourence Eugene brought together the smartest of the smart, and all of his Star trek buddies to help him make a secret base to continue and improve upon his spaceship, also he did not want to pay taxes and everyone knows that if you build a secret base underground that the government does not know about then you do not have to pay taxes, and trust me readers you wouldn't want to pay taxes on a spaceship either. Well if you have been paying close attention you will have noted that Steve's house lies atop a large hill, and that when you're building a secret lair underground you often need to do so under said type of hill well, it just so happens that directly under Steve's house was this secret lair. Now back to Steve.

 

"Wow Rex it sure is hot out here" let’s go back in and have breakfast" said the sweating Steve, as he headed back for the house. Rex wouldn't follow though, which was not an odd occurrence seeing as Rex is a dog and often they like being outside even when it's hot. So Steve went back inside and started cooking some eggs, it was a normal morning for Steve, cooking his normal eggs while Rex played outside just hanging out at his normal home because it was his normal day off just like every Tuesday, Steve finished cooking his eggs and went to his normal table pulled out his normal chair and started to eat like normal, while eating he looked out his normal window and could see the normal enlarging Crack in his lawn with a large Metallic object proceeding to rise up out of it...... "What the @$#%" Steve jumped up from his seat and ran out his, beautifully well made by a expert wood carver from Peru, door. "Rex"!!!! "REX WHERE ARE YOU, WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE". The crack was opening wider by the second, and on the large object rising from it you could read L.A.R.P., which made Steve pause for a moment and think... L.A.R.P. what is this some kind of geek fest from under my yard? ...that moment of pausing was just enough time for the crack to open up under Steve causing him to fall! 

 

Well you will have to read the next installment of the man on the road if you wish to find out what happens next, I do not have the biggest of attention spans so sorry about the cliffhanger ending haha maybe it will make you read the next one!

 

The man on the road part 4

 

Steve wakes up to something licking his face "Rex..." *SLUURP* "hi Rex". It was pitch black wherever he was but that's not what was worrying Steve, he just realized that he hadn't had time to finish his eggs!!! So he decided he had better find a way out of here no matter where here was because a day without breakfast is like being kicked in the gonads. After felling around for quite some time Steve decided that it was probably best to stay in one spot. Rex stayed right with Steve supplying a constant stream of drool because that’s what dogs do to make people happy drool on them.... "Have you awoken"? said a mysterious voice "WHERE THE (four letter word) AM I" screamed Steve as Rex drooled just a little less. "Good, follow the light" WOOOOOSH! a strong wind passed by Steve and Rex and suddenly a path of blue light appeared on the floor. "HEY LISTEN HERE IM NOT JUST SOME PUPPET TO DO AS YOU SAY WHERE AM I" continued Steve, after much silence Steve noticed that the light was slowly disappearing then he heard the voice again " I suggest you move now" Steve, being a stubborn one, begrudgingly moved forward, then started to move faster, then broke into a run... he could barely see the light! SMACK "OW CRAP".... "what was that" asked Steve while rubbing his head... "Ummmm that was the door had you not broken into a run you may have seen it before running into it". Steve was not having a good day first no breakfast and now an unknown voice telling him what to do... "grrr" Rex seemed to notice something. "Oh Rex shwew thank goodness you followed me".... the voice came again "you sure do take your time don't you"? maybe we should have just left you outside"... Steve opened the door with haste and anger to find.... shoes???? the voice came back but this time it was a little different "Marty you led him to the shoe closet why would you do that"? then the first voice "woops sorry" another path lit up and Steve thought to himself "wow.... morons trapped me in their basement" after following the line Steve arrived at another door when he opened it he saw....

 

 

 

the man on the road part five

 

 

 

"Damn, that wasn't supposed to happen yet you guys even messed up the plot come on" said Steve... "DEAL WITH IT ALL YOU WERE GOING TO DO WAS WALK AROUND IN THE DARK UNTIL YOU LEARNED SOME SORT OF AMAZING SKILL THAT YOU WILL USE IN A FUTURE PART OF THIS STORY NOW GET INTO PART FIVE AND STOP COMPLAINING"

 

Read part five to find out what happens next in this oh so suspenseful story "the man on the road"

 

The man on the road part 5

 

The following is rated TV 14 for nudity.... but this isn't TV and the fact that no one is wearing clothing in this story in unknown to you so everyone can read it yay!!!!!

 

 

"Grrr".... Rex noticed something again "oh no not more shoes" said Steve... entering the room Steve and Rex saw two very nerdy looking young men sitting at what looked like a room made of a giant computer. "Hello" it was the first voice from the previous part. "My name is Marty, and seeing as no males have asked for their name to be in here, my name is" he thought for some time.... "Uuuhhhmmmm... hey Marty what should be my name"? shaking his head sadly Marty stated "His name is carl he was just hoping to get a different name because his name is not capitalized" Well here is some back story on carl.... his name is spelled c-a-r-l no capitals.... ok back story over. "Hey I thought you said we would think up a better name" whined carl... "Wow you two certainly are less intimidating in person" said Steve mockingly. "Where am I anyway"? carl and Marty looked at each other then back to Steve apparently nervous... "Well..." started carl "We are not exactly sure where we are" finished Marty. Steve chuckled for a moment before realizing that they were not pulling his leg either literally or metaphorically. "WHAT"!!! "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW"!!!! "well... we didn’t realize how strong we made our engines" carl said "And when we started launching we noticed you fall so we pulled you on board with us, needless to say your golden retriever followed//////ATTENTION THIS IS A BREAK IN THE STORY TO EXPLAIN THAT REX IS ACTUALLY A GOLDEN RETRIEVER SEEING AS HE HAD NOT PREVIOUSLY BEEN DESCRIBED IT WAS DECIDED HE WOULD BE NOW THANK YOU now back to the story//////ATTENTION and that’s how my great aunt Martha saved the day by yodeling and why I was named Marty after her" explained Marty "Right.... and that mattered why"? asked Steve... "Where are we, tell me NOW"! "When we pulled you on board your golden retriever ran in here and jumped on the controls to get to my sandwich, which he ate by the way, and sent us to a random location somewhere in the universe so we have no idea where we are" said carl. Steve apparently in deep thought promptly fell to the ground for no apparent reason..... That is when he woke up.... it was one minute later he had passed out from an anxiety attack he was really on the ship with two star trek nerds that named their ship L.A.R.P. and he really had fallen to the ground..... 

 

What’s next in the thrilling story of a man on the road? Tune in to the next chapter to find out!!!!

 

The man on the road part 6

 

*DING* "It is now Twelve Noon please wind your wrist watches now"

 

NEW IN PART SIX!!!!!

"BLUE"

 

*WOOF* barked Rex

"What's going on here" said in a British accent. "carl, without a capital c for all of you listening to this on the audio tape, stop speaking in that silly British accent, we aren't going to give you a new name even if your voice sounds different" proclaimed Marty! "awww" whined carl

"awww man why would you guys even build a spaceship like this anyway? asked Steve from the floor. carl looked at Steve funny "have you ever heard of Eugene Stomper"? "Yeah Eugene wanted us to take it out on a test run before we set off on our voyage to travel to a Galaxy Far Far Away" finished Marty. "Wow lame joke aside that sounds pretty serious... how long have you guys been under my house?"....

.....

.....

"Didn’t you read part 3... since years ago c'mon get with the program "stated carl. "well since we are asking questions about previous parts of this story what was with that creepy guy from the first and second parts? did he even have anything to do with anything"??? asked Marty "yeah, remembered he sensed that the Earth would end today"! said Steve nonchalantly...."WHAT"! all three immediately yelled while Rex peed in the corner, but they weren't yelling at Rex in fact no one would even notice that Rex peed in the corner until part 7. "The Earth i... is ending today???" asked carl "hmmmm" wondered Steve "How does the earth just end anyway?" Marty answered with "I don't know..... maybe it’s just disappeared?"?!?!?!? <-------"Why did you have a bunch of exclamation points and question marks after your previous statement?" asked carl 

*BOOM*

The ship rocked from being hit by something....

Various "AAAAAHHHHHH"s were heard from the men yelling 

Rex had finished peeing and fell asleep but was awoken by the bang and he (Rex) promptly whimpered....

 

What exactly happened?

Will the next part be in Redovision?

Who will discover that Rex peed?

What is the square root of 225?

Why am I asking so many questions?

 

FIND OUT IN THE NEXT EXCITING INSTALLMENT OF THE MAN ON THE ROAD!!!!!!

 

The man on the road parts 7 & 8

 

FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY BY OUR STUFF TO MAKE US MONEY!!!! ALSO, LIMITED TO US MEANS INFINITE!!!!

 

Just In New For Part Seven!!!!!

 

 

IT'S IN WHITEOVISION (which means no it’s not going to be in Redovision):

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the man on the road part 8!!!

 

The scene (two fans talking about part 7) 

 

fan1: "wow wasn't it funny when carl fell into Rex's pee hahaha" fan2: "yeah and then Marty was all like (deep voice) I'm Marty and I just realized we are orbiting the moon and that big BOOM was the Earth spontaneously combusting" fan1:  "haha yeah that certainly was odd wasn't it?"..... fan2 "pssst what else was supposed to happen in part 7?" fan1 "ummmm.... oh yeah! And then Rex explained to us that the square root of 225 is actually 15" fan2: "no you idiot Rex is the dog!!!!" fan1: "oh shoot! I MEAN MARTY!!!! YEAH MARTY EXPLAINED THAT" *shifty eyes* fan2: "YEAH!! and then that's when that guy writing this story came up to us and paid us to pretend we know what went on in part 7 because he was too lazy to write it all out!!!... oh yeah and weren't we supposed to add some cool stuff in too?" fan1: "oh yeah... right and also in part 7..... *suddenly fan1 died of spontaneous combustion* fan2: "wow i didn't remember that from part 7 i guess i missed that part"..... 

 

 

"Ow" proclaimed Marty "That hurt... Charlie bit me!"... "Ummm who's Charlie" asked carl right before Steve quickly said "not you because his name has a capital C hahahahaha" they all looked at each other wondering why they were there, it was strange, the world had ended, carl had ended... up in Rex's pee, and the sandwich, from part 5, ended... up in Rex. but none of that explained why they were in part eight and had no recollection of part seven... luckily most of part seven had been taken up by infomercials, especially that one about the slicy thing that will slice up eggs, onions, or even lettuce, and all that good stuff yeah so at least you didn't miss much... I think im gonna go buy a rotisserie oven thing for chicken and other various foods, now you, just keep reading haha.... 

 

"So I guess that's the end of Earth huh?" guessed Steve....

There was a long silence....

 

Find out what happens after the silence in part nine see you next time with the man on the road part 9....

 

 

....

 

... "you have to keep writing" said Steve "hey who are you to tell me what to do" I asked "you're lucky I gave you a capital S" Steve was apparently intimidated by my awesomeness but nonetheless continued "no I'm not making you keep writing it's just that if you stop writing you might fall asleep"..... I thought... and thought some more... "okay you are right Steve I'll keep writing"... and so part 8 shall continue...

 

"hmmmm.... what should we do" asked carl, while wishing he had a capital C. "well I guess since the Genre of this story is adventure we could always advent..." said Marty "wait a minute!... there aren't any nuns around here" said Steve as silence followed his lame joke. Rex decided that this would be the perfect time to lay down... so he went to the corner he didn't pee in to lie down... wow dogs are exceedingly entertaining aren't they... That's when it happened Marty suddenly remembered something!!!

 

 

"AWWWWW CRAP" yelled Marty!

"what" (alongside of) "what's wrong" from carl and Steve

"I forgot to turn my oven off" said Marty hanging his head..... 

"well now we know what caused the Earth to explode" said Steve angrily... "thanks a lot Marty you should be the one without a capital letter in your name" added carl

"wow Marty you ended the Earth?"......

"WHO SAID THAT?" Steve, Marty, and carl all asked at once!!!!!

 

OH NO there seems to be a new voice in this story, whatever will happen next???

Oh well at least we can be sure it will be AWESOME!!!!

The man on the road part 9

 

OMG!!! A NEW VOICE... of all the strange things that have happened this may be the strangest!

 

"It's me" said the new voice "The female character that needed to be introduced so that there is a strong role model for women everywhere that read this story" she proceeded to say while taking off all her clothes... down to the bottom layer.... which was a business suit because women are equal and deserve respect! "Cough" coughed carl. "Oh yeah I know who you are, you're that flight attendant we hired the other day to service us... i.e. bring us drinks and blankets of course" said Marty... quickly followed by carl coughing "cough". "Yes hello my name is Jen, but um yeah so you really ended earth... with your oven?" asked Jen. "Well yeah you see it's 2012 and the world needed some way to end what better way than an oven causing it to spontaneously combust?"... "oh"...That is when Rex proceeded to pee again... on carl... "hey what the #@%!, stop it dog"... carl yelled "awww cute puppy come hear boy" said Jen offering Rex a treat... Rex ignored her obviously because he knew he was the most intelligent being on this spaceship...

 

 

"well what should we do we are stuck out here in space with no planet and only three people left... and a dog of course"... asked the newly introduced Jen... "ummm" said Steve after saying "hmmm" but right before adding "I don't know... I could always use that skill that I learned somehow by walking around in the dark for a long time in part 4?"... "Yeah but what does being able to yodel have to do with the situation we're in?"asked the seemingly confused carl... "right... good point, I wonder how that's going to be useful in the future?" wondered Steve "Wow Steve i really like your Capital S it's very nice" added Jen... carl would cry later that night for not only had the Earth ended today but that's like 10 jokes about dealing with capitalization of names so far and we are only in part 9. "well I guess we might as well just go to our respected rooms and chillax" stated Marty "I'll set up the blue light to lead us to the apartments and a green one for anyone that wants to go to the kitchen cough...fatass...cough" said carl

 

And so they went in their respective ways for now all wondering what will happen to them and Steve wondering what there was to eat while, carl wondered if he would ever evolve into a Carl... with a capital C(poor Pokémon joke along with a capital letter joke YAY!!!) Jen and Marty both went to their respective rooms and Rex... well Rex of course went with Steve just one sandwich a day is not nearly enough for a fatty like him...

 

Until next time... well i guess you will be bored until next time, Ahem, anyways see you in the next "THRILLING" part of the man on the road!!!

 

DUH DUH DUUUUUHHHH!!!! <----added for suspenfulness

 

 

"I think I'll eat it now" said Steve just before you stop reading

 

The man on the road part 10

 

Previously, in the man on the road....

 

Stuff happened

 

now… the man on the road part 10

 

All of the passengers of Dragonsfire went to their respective rooms.... what? what’s that you say? "what the heck is Dragonsfire" carl asked me.... oh right about that L.A.R.P. was too boring to write what with all those periods so I changed the name of the ship to Dragonsfire... "oh" said carl....well anyway they were all thinking thoughts in their minds except for Steve his stomach was doing the thinking in the kitchen.... Jen the new character that wears a business suit even on a spaceship so as to be a good role model for little girls everywhere was thinking..."man I wish....." that is when she fell asleep mid-thought 

Steve, not yet being tired and being currently full, headed back to the computer room to see what he could learn about this ship. Marty passed out as soon as his head hit the pillow... the funny thing is that he is in a position, one which looks as though he is prepared to accept something into his behind... just sitting there sleeping away awaiting some sort of foreign object to en.... enough of that... and carl is sitting in his room minding his own business when suddenly something strange starts to happen his c starts flickering between capital and lower case! c.....C.....c....C....c...C...c..C..c.C.cCcCcCccccCCCCccccCCC.... then suddenly it stops!.... Steve had started pressing the B button on his Game boy just when carls c was about to become capitalized causing carl to remain carl as opposed to Carl (you may remember this joke from such games as.... Pokémon...) carl then proceeds to cry himself to sleep in a fetal position... holding a stuffed Teddy bear, that inexplicably gets to have an uppercase T, and sucking his thumb.

 

Seeing as everyone has fallen asleep with the exception of Steve, and Rex lets go see what he's doing.... "Steve?"... oh... Steve seems to have fallen asleep in the computer chair, well then let's go follow Rex...

Rex was a dog but not just any dog he was a dog on an adventure.... he was also presumably the only dog left alive.... but that's besides the point... maybe... well anyway as you all know from previous parts to this "wonderful" story Rex is the coolest cat... I mean dog on this spaceship.... apparently well anyway being such an adventurous dog Rex was busying himself by...

umm..

by lying in the corner... he'll probably get up and do something awesome anytime now...

any second now..

soon, I can feel it...

just a minute...

JUST THEN! rex got up and walked around sniffing! "Sweet Jesus, follow that dog" I said to no one because I'm the narrator...

and so that's just what I did.. he walked all the way to the other corner of the room... and he... he started peeing... yep... woop di doo.... he then proceeded to go to the other corner and fall asleep....

 

well um...

yeah see you all in part 11 hahaha hope you enjoyed the first 10 parts!

Author's Note

here are all 10 parts so far!!!

Reviews

[Sasha]

I read up to and including part 4. I probably could read them all, but I'm lazy and the insanity is best taken in small doses. :P I like it so far, though. It's loopy and the narration/commentary is really funny. Like the part about his normal food and normal table and normal door made by some dude from Peru. lol. Also lol four letter word. What is it? Bake? Some? Deed? Curl? You're silly.