The Perfect Day

This one's older, by about two years I think. I'm not exactly sure when I wrote it.

The day that I lay my head down

with a silent mind

and no regrets

of the day passed.

The day that no pulling feeling

from inside my chest

asks me

"Why didn't you do it?"

The day that I don't have to seek

the false warmth

of a stuffed animal

as a substitute

for your tight embrace

and shelter from the world.

The day that no moments' doubt

crosses my mind

and makes it up for me.

The day when there is no feeling

of distance

between us.

The day that we clasp hands together

the moment

our sides face each other

and even if our palms

gasp for air

we both mentally refuse

to let go.

The day that the pleasing lurches in my stomach

never cease

and my hands

fail to keep still

and shake constantly.

The day that a cold night

doesn't effect us

because our shared warmth

repels the biting air.

The day when I can look you in the eye

butterflies inside

and not be able

to look away

your gaze holding fast

to mine.

The day that I can hear your every thought

truthfully

and pure of any tainting lie

or half-truth

and you mine.

But my mind

is never silent

as I lay it down

and regrets

of the day passed

flood through me.

And the pulling feeling

in my chest

is never absent

and is always asking

"Why didn't you do it?"

And the false warmth of a stuffed animal

always finds its way

into my arms

as a substitute

for your tight embrace

and shelter from the world.

And the moments' doubt

never gives me a say

in the choice.

And there's always a point

in the day

that I wish for you

to be by my side

your arm around me

shoulder or waist.

And sometimes our hands

fail to meet at all

and don't clasp together

but instead find a pocket

or something else

to hold

as an excuse.

And the pleasing lurches

are sometimes absent

leaving me to wonder

where they went

and why

and my hands steady.

And a cold night

does pass

when we both

shiver

in silence

instead of seeking

the warmth of each other.

And I can never seem

to hold your gaze

as if I have something

to hide

but I don't

and I just can't.

And there is no way to know

if you say

all that is on

your mind

or to know your reaction

to all

that is on mine.