This is a poem I wrote to enter into the Beauty Is contest at my school. I don't know if it's good enough to enter yet but this is what my idea of Beauty is.
Beauty Is.
Beauty is the broken heart, the girl beneath the mask.
Beauty is the girl who starves herself because she believes she is not beautiful enough, that she is just not enough
Beauty is the girl who throws up because she is ridiculed, punished because of how she looks, because she’s not a size 4
Beauty is the girl who is overweight, the girl who stands tall even when those around her make fun, point fingers
Beauty is the girl who cuts herself because she can’t find a home anywhere else
Beauty is the man who loves another man, the woman who loves another woman, the woman who loves a man
Beauty is the person who has a crooked nose, a crooked smile
Beauty is the way some cannot hear but can still feel
Beauty is the way some cannot see but can still feel
Beauty is the person who is a little behind, whose mind or body works in a different way
Zoeeeeeeeee
I have a minor problem with this poem.
Your final line, "Beauty is the acceptance, of all beauty" which I totally agree with, however I don't think we should accept the beauty of the anorexic or the bulimic. At first, I thought you were going for a this is is what beauty has become twisted to be, but then it became this is what beauty truly is. Which if you're going to do that, that's perfectly fine. You just need a smooth transition from one to the other. Note, you say, "because she's not size 4" and right after that you jump into something positive, "the girl who is overweight, the girl who stands tall even" though all these people around her make fun of her. There's beauty in that courage. I have mixed feelings towards the cutting line. Like, I know it hits home for you, so I'm trying to be gentle. First, I don't know, cutting gives it an "emo" (hate to label) spin, which I think detracts from the beauty of the poem itself. And second, if you view a positive beauty out of it, not a twisted beauty, and if you choose to keep it as cutting, then I think it would be better to capture the positive beauty. Say, for example, the beauty lies in the fact that she never cut deep enough, or she never cut along the veins. Make sense? I hope I'm not being too harsh. I'm just letting you know what I think is placed wrong ^^
Everything else I believe goes together to illustrate beauty.
So recap: Transition needed and do something about cutting.
Other ideas: Focus on just twisted beauty. Because I think that topic is in the minority. If you did that, use subtle sarcasm, if not that, then some sort of irony would be a home run poem. Note that this is just my individual opinion!
Now, what I liked :)
Man loves man, woman loves woman - beautiful, and honest, which honesty is something that is definitely captured here in the poem because that is what makes something beautiful: something honest. There's no embellishing or fabrication. It's real. It's honest. That's beauty. And your poem has that, thus answering the topic and within that, manifesting it through your words. Ah, am I making sense? I'm getting jumbled. Example: Someone who writes about the pretty trees and flowers and wind and water and butterflies and ladadeda. Who cares. Sure, that's beautiful. But the poem itself is going to (generally speaking) embellish it. In the poem, the trees don't have jagged bark that snags your sweater, but rather smooth bark and the flowers stand tall and grand, despite that flowers tend to have a slight slump becoming rather hunchback.
You're poem "snags" and your poem doesn't hide the "hunchback."
Gets?
Not gonna lie, last line is a bit clich�. I like the idea, the concept, etc. I go by that, live by that, totally support acceptance, but the way you have it seems a bit dull. Took away from the climax. You don't need a dramatic ending. Just, it kind of took a little dip there at the last line. MAYBE try shortening it? Like, capture that idea, but maybe to a count down through words. Like:
A B C D
E F G
H I
J
(Each letter representing a word)
Perhaps that would give it a stronger ending?
Again, just my thoughts. People are bound to disagree with me.
Overall, I enjoyed the poem and thought it was well written. You've written better, but it's a semi challenging topic since beauty is subjective. Like, I find that honesty factor to be beauty. But someone else could easily disagree and say, no, that's ugly. Since after all, we (we being society as a whole) are drawn to the magazines with supermodel gorgeous people. Guys with their Sports Illustrated magazines, which sure it talks about sports, but the cover happens to have some tan skinny Italian beach babe in a bakini. Guys are drawn to the muscular look that's advertised in the media. Girls do it too. Not gonna lie, Orlando Bloom is a fine looking man and Megan Fox is the next Angelina Jolie, both of which are beauty icons. Point being, the human eye is naturally drawn to the physical beauty, ergo it's easy for anyone to disagree and have a different opinion. It's all subjective.
Wow, this was amazing. It's very beautifully written and has a very strong meaning. And if I may ask, I know you said this was for a "Beauty is" contest, but was that just the topic, or was the contest called the Reflections Contest? It may sound word but I think my school did the same contest.
i really really really liked that you placed anorexic/bulimic people in there, not because there conditions are beautiful, but because there strength is beauitful. :) your an amazing writer, i can just catch what your really saying. I really liked that part about the druggie who wanted to get better, i dunno why XD KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. V.V and post more so i can read
Zoeeeeeeeee
I have a minor problem with this poem.
Your final line, "Beauty is the acceptance, of all beauty" which I totally agree with, however I don't think we should accept the beauty of the anorexic or the bulimic. At first, I thought you were going for a this is is what beauty has become twisted to be, but then it became this is what beauty truly is. Which if you're going to do that, that's perfectly fine. You just need a smooth transition from one to the other. Note, you say, "because she's not size 4" and right after that you jump into something positive, "the girl who is overweight, the girl who stands tall even" though all these people around her make fun of her. There's beauty in that courage. I have mixed feelings towards the cutting line. Like, I know it hits home for you, so I'm trying to be gentle. First, I don't know, cutting gives it an "emo" (hate to label) spin, which I think detracts from the beauty of the poem itself. And second, if you view a positive beauty out of it, not a twisted beauty, and if you choose to keep it as cutting, then I think it would be better to capture the positive beauty. Say, for example, the beauty lies in the fact that she never cut deep enough, or she never cut along the veins. Make sense? I hope I'm not being too harsh. I'm just letting you know what I think is placed wrong ^^
Everything else I believe goes together to illustrate beauty.
So recap: Transition needed and do something about cutting.
Other ideas: Focus on just twisted beauty. Because I think that topic is in the minority. If you did that, use subtle sarcasm, if not that, then some sort of irony would be a home run poem. Note that this is just my individual opinion!
Now, what I liked :)
Man loves man, woman loves woman - beautiful, and honest, which honesty is something that is definitely captured here in the poem because that is what makes something beautiful: something honest. There's no embellishing or fabrication. It's real. It's honest. That's beauty. And your poem has that, thus answering the topic and within that, manifesting it through your words. Ah, am I making sense? I'm getting jumbled. Example: Someone who writes about the pretty trees and flowers and wind and water and butterflies and ladadeda. Who cares. Sure, that's beautiful. But the poem itself is going to (generally speaking) embellish it. In the poem, the trees don't have jagged bark that snags your sweater, but rather smooth bark and the flowers stand tall and grand, despite that flowers tend to have a slight slump becoming rather hunchback.
You're poem "snags" and your poem doesn't hide the "hunchback."
Gets?
Not gonna lie, last line is a bit clich�. I like the idea, the concept, etc. I go by that, live by that, totally support acceptance, but the way you have it seems a bit dull. Took away from the climax. You don't need a dramatic ending. Just, it kind of took a little dip there at the last line. MAYBE try shortening it? Like, capture that idea, but maybe to a count down through words. Like:
A B C D
E F G
H I
J
(Each letter representing a word)
Perhaps that would give it a stronger ending?
Again, just my thoughts. People are bound to disagree with me.
Overall, I enjoyed the poem and thought it was well written. You've written better, but it's a semi challenging topic since beauty is subjective. Like, I find that honesty factor to be beauty. But someone else could easily disagree and say, no, that's ugly. Since after all, we (we being society as a whole) are drawn to the magazines with supermodel gorgeous people. Guys with their Sports Illustrated magazines, which sure it talks about sports, but the cover happens to have some tan skinny Italian beach babe in a bakini. Guys are drawn to the muscular look that's advertised in the media. Girls do it too. Not gonna lie, Orlando Bloom is a fine looking man and Megan Fox is the next Angelina Jolie, both of which are beauty icons. Point being, the human eye is naturally drawn to the physical beauty, ergo it's easy for anyone to disagree and have a different opinion. It's all subjective.
The name is Oleksander Silas.
18. Male. I reside in Victoria.
I write but I also write through instruments.
Explosions in the Sky. Sigur Ros. Jonsi. William Fitzsimmons. This Will Destroy You. God .. more..
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