Why Do I Write?

A poem on why I write the poems I write. Basically, this explains it all, why i write sad and not happy, emotional etc.

I'm sitting here behind a screen,

Writing about my past like I don't care.

Like it's in the past, 

And I'll never go back there again.

 

But the truth of the matter right now,

Is that every second I'm wiritng about my past,

I still get chills running down my spine,

I still fear for my life.

 

Every night I still check behind my curtains,

I still check under my bed and in my closet.

I still check the carpet for shining glass,

My parents hopes to hurt me more.

 

I'm still scared when people yell,

At me or not, it doesn’t matter.

I still get scared when people come close to me,

Wanting to hug me, but I shy away.

 

I'm still the same girl, hurting inside.

I'm still the same girl I was when my parents hurt me.

I'm still a person, hidden behind a computer screen.

 

I'm trying my best to be happy here,

Sitting behind a screen and writing

About my past like I'm not scared.

Like I'm not scared my life will end at any time.

 

I'm still trying my best to quit my bad habits,

I'm still trying my best to act like a normal person.

I'm still trying, every day of my life,

To tuck my past away, to let it rest forever.

 

I don't want those memories,

So I write them all down.

But I have too many thoughts,

And typing's much quicker.

 

So I write them all on here,

On this website, and expose my thoughts,

For the world to see.

If you want to judge them, go ahead.

 

But just know that I write this,

Not for your own sake,

But for my mind's sake,

For me.

 

I write this not because I think

that I'm any good at poems,

I write this because I'm hurting too much

On the inside.

 

My poems may have a hidden meaning,

One that I never thought about, but you all did,

But either way, my poems are my thoughts.

And you're all reading a bit of me now.

 

My poems may be stupid,

The moral of the poem may be too cliche or childish,

but either way it's me,

It's me and my personal experiences I write from.

 

My poems are not written for fun or attention,

My poems are written for me to forget,

This is my drug, as cutting is gone.

This is my drug, like alcohol is for others.

 

Some people drink alcohol to forget their life,

To escape reality if you will.

My poems are like my alcohol,

But instead of forgetting reality existed,

 

I write to try to forget the past ever existed.

Reviews

[captain]

You know I haven't written anything since the last one I posted here. The simply means I am not really a writer, just a person writing his burdens down, pouring all my emotions into words. That's how poetry helps me understand what I am feeling. Poetry exist because we are hurt by our past or sometimes our present or future. We write them down not to forget but to accept what's laid upon our choices we made. We accept that this is our reality. Then after writing it down, we somehow finally understand and be able to let go, free from the awful feeling. Friend, writing makes us stronger. Now I am stronger than I was, or that's what I assume I am now. Still struggling but not like before. You are different now, and stronger, you can still exist and be loved, don't let your worries take them away from you. And your poems are not stupid, they exist because your pain is real and its time for them to let go... keep writing & I'll do it too whenever I have the time...

[1Disawsum]

Yes, I am too. I'm not into poetry as others are, but I write it because it's the quickest and easiest way to write down my pain and thoughts down too. Yes, we write down our thoughts down to get a clearer mindset of what has happened, or what direction we are going in. Poetry exists to help us see things in a clearer and better view. I write poetry down to help me try and let go of the fear that still consumes me every second of the day and night. It works, but like cutting and drowning my sorrows through alcohol as some people do, it is only temporary. The pain we feel is numbed, and then once the numbness and subsided, we're back at square one, aren't we? Writing for me is just like that, the pain goes away for a while, then it comes back, hitting me harder than it ever did before. Writing makes us stronger. I'm not sure about me, but I think writing has made me weaker, but also in that process, some of my poems, I feel, are helping others be stronger. And in that way, writing makes me stronger as well. By knowing that I helped someone, temporary or permanent, it still feels better than sitting here behind a screen and doing nothing. Thankyou, I hope I won't let my worries get the best of me...soon. One person thinks my poems are too cliche and childish, but that's only one person, right? I hope so anyway. Thankyou, your comment means a lot to me. xx

[captain]

a friend told me that pain never goes a away, but it does fade into a faded scar, through time & healing. This kind of scar never leaves us, but its there as a reminder, that we're way passed that now, we survive and that's all the matters at present. I think you understood you pain, & you've become highly perceptive about the things are temporary pill(alchohol or any drugs) in this world.

It may be cliche to some, because they know they'd read it somewhere, but that doesn't mean it isn't real, they just don't know, they didn't dig deeper on the depth of the poem itself.

you are welcome *-*
glad I could help through my words...

[1Disawsum]

Yes, your friend is definitely correct. It's always there as a constant reminder of the struggles of the past, but like you said, it is also a reminder that we have passed the worst. Yes, maybe I have understood my pain, finally after a while of counselling and help!

Yes, there are may poems similar to mine. Story-lines as well. But yes, that doesn't mean that it isn't real. Your last sentence says it all! Thankyou again! xx