Word with the daemon

Aaaaaa...just read it!

After years of peace, Dileree finds out that the strange being inside her had decided to put an end to it's rest. She felt herself fade away in evil as the darkness fell over her weakened soul, and her inner desperate cry could only silence her old but not forsaken enemy.

 

Feeling the weird shadow approaching her soul, Dileree decides to speak.      

 

 

It’s getting worse. I do not know what to do… 

  

Please, leave me alone.

Please, please.

Do you promise me that you won’t come again? Why do you remain silent? Tell me.

I do not speck lies, I do not have a reason. I know what you are. You are there still, I know.

What do I have to do to make you leave. What do you want? You are not a part of me. Your place is not here.

It is better now. My pleasure hurts you? Why do you keep hate for me? Why are you there? Why do you hurt me? What… inters do you have in this? Make me understand.

Is it the power? Why can’t you understand the love? Yourself?

 

 

                                    Take my pain.

 

________________________________________________________________________   

 

 

Surprisingly Dileree is overwhelmed with calming silence, then her spirit loses it’s anguish hearing the daemon speak.

 

Have you forgotten Dileree? Who protected you all these years? Who turned the pain to cold and the past to nothing? Who gave you the joy of cruelty?

Do you remember hahaha…

 

                               It was you who made me.

 

Author's Note

Anything wrong?

A.M.

Reviews

[chord0]

suspense, very interesting plot. "Why do you keep hate for me?" sounds awkward, perhaps "Why do you keep hating me? or "Why do you continue hating me?" Deliree is probably talking to the daemon inside her, it seems. Nice beginning for a novel, perhaps religious or philosophical. Needs expanding.
good luck
chord0

[THERISA]

A very interesting and good start for your short story, with the internal dialogue between the girl and her daemon. However, it has hard to tell apart, who was speaking to whom, during it. More clarification here, will improve the short story's flow. As chord0 mentions in their review, you need to expand it, to give flesh to it. Otherwise, keep this concept and work with it. Would like to see, where you take this short story after the revisions.

[M.O.T-3010]

ASOME!!!

[Peteypie]

very interesting. 'Who turned the pain to cold and the past to nothing' i enjoyed it and i think its great as a short piece but i feel like i want more

[Rhan F. Sydney]

My earlier post still stands, though I find very few spelling errors there are some. Thank you for this entry..again ^.^

[Mel Stevens]

Nice short. Don't know if you meant 'speak' for 'speck', but otherwise the conflict is amazing. I did have a little trouble keeping up with who was speaking, but that's it.

[Maximus. R.]

Sort of like me and my alter ego. Cool.

[Celtic Cat]

brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As one who is in touch with her darkside.... it's a joy to read this!!! Very clever ending in reminder her that it is indeed she who creates her own madness. Excellent job!!!!

[[untitled]]

I sense a pretty cool conflict taking place in this short, but I have to admit that the format in which the text is presented confused me as to who was speaking. I had trouble knowing if it was just Deliree speaking, or if she was exchanging dialogue with another. And also, I'm confused by your use of the word 'speck', did you mean speak? Or are you trying to use the word speck to create a dialect?

In any case, I think with a good edit, you'd have an interesting little short here. Like I said, I definitely sense an interesting conflict here. Let me know if I can help, I'd be glad to. =)

[thecoolone52]

a little werid and short..... but thanks for entering my contest