Jack & Jill

What happen to Jack & Jill after they went up the hill?

Jack & Jill

 

Just us two

on a rendezvous

up into the hills

as we brew

passions through and through

touching Nature’s thrills.

 

Though we’re true

to our points-of-view

and their lovely frills,

we are new

to what we pursue

without any skills.

 

Whoop-de-do

in grass wet with dew,

lined with daffodils

where a few

poison oak leaves strew

causing itching ills.

 

Residue

underneath each shoe

breaks both of our wills.

Filled with rue

from this bugaboo

our love turns to chills.

Reviews

[MAD ENGLISHMAN]

Clever differing point of view.
I like the slightly dark inferences.
Great little poem.

[Aethereal]

Thanks for your review!

[just Penny]

This is delightful and written in a whimsical tone while carrying a lesson that some things may start to bud but then don't bloom. Sometimes we give in too easily and put it in the too-hard-basket. Then, if the parting is not managed well, then it can leave us "Filled with rue from this bugaboo ". Nicely done. Penny

[Aethereal]

Thanks for your detailed review, Penny!

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

It is really exciting to see two people in the start of their relationship. Then we feel bad when lately we see them parting.
Anyone or both of them could be this one:

"Like a moth
blinded by such froth
wished to touch the flame.
Wrapped with swath
Burnt wings dropped the cloth
Time to take the blame..."

or each one thinks this way:

"I believe
we both has to cleave
as for you to dwell.
I would grieve
for the dreams we weave
only time could tell..."

Thanks for a thought-provoking version of Jack and Jill. Excellent craft! =)

[Aethereal]

Thanks for your poetic review of my poem, Dhaye!
A moth blinded by her sight,
can't resist the candle's light
though she struggles, though she bites
'til she comes too close; ignites.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

You're welcome.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

wonder if they brought the pail of water down with them when they left the hill...and which one got stuck carrying it.

i think it was much happier just to think of them going up the hill..

just like relationships that often start out with promise...they can soon change into something stale and full of negative residue.

[Aethereal]

Thanks for your detailed review, jacob! Full of insight as usual. Murphy’s Law rules over novice relationships. Murphy lights candles and pours strong wine during a romantic candlelit dinner, but the wine catches fire, and she never returns for an encore.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

hahaha, very interesting… the story never ends when with the story we know, like any relationship we only see the surface of the truth… such a cool write and fun to read aloud.

[Aethereal]

Thanks for your review! Early relationships are not without their glitches.

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

True that, and that is because humans have many glitches.

[Coyote Poetry]

"Filled with rue
from this bugaboo
our love turns to chills."
A sad ending to the Jack and Jill story. Too bad we learn differences before misunderstandings. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Aethereal]

Thanks for your detailed review! Sometimes Nature bites if you get in her way.