Ambivalence

they always tell you about

love and loss and

trusting your gut and

being true to yourself but

when being true costs me you

that's something I can't bargain with

because like they say

love isn't easy right?

its like holding the detonator 

to someone else's heart

inside your own 

and disarming is just another word for

giving you one last chance

that i can't afford

but somehow 

you can

so please

just push the button

I'm paralyzed yet you're the one who feels 

nothing

i can see myself

bits of sand in an hourglass

falling

one hour to the next 

but all you see is grains of sand

buying you time

again and again

desperation is a 

a synonym for love and

hate is compared to passion

while indifference exists as comfort

an indistinguishable span of

nothingness

that you can't see

but its all I know you to feel

just what happened to us

the mountains you used to move for me

you climbed to the top with me on your back

to show me how far you'd take me and f**k

if you could build a ladder up to the stars

you'd take me there too

just to show me how small it all is

but in me

you see the universe 

and now I'm just

words on the screen

a trip to take

an obligation to fake

yet 

telling you to leave only makes you stay

but not because I'm your universe 

no

I'm not your universe anymore

I'm just another mountain

and this one

you can't move.