For Beth

When all the things that should have been said go to the grave.

 

You smelt like a saint

having never consumed flesh,

blood never rinsed through your hair

bleached sandy pale in the sun like

the hearts and minds overcome by

crisp Chardonnay aged in stainless steel.

 

Never did once hint of strong oak or

variant notations singing on your tongue,

simply unblemished perfection.

How ever did the glasses spilling over

end up crushed underfoot?

Reviews

[The Thracian]

The title made me think of you know who (mademoiselle feuilles mortes). I would change a few things here, but like it's been said, only nit picky things. The only serious edits I think you should consider are: dropping the first comma and adding a space between how and ever (in the penultimate). Reason for the latter is that the emphasis, or stress, changes when the two are stuck together and so the actual sense (I believe that) you are after is lost, or confused.

otherwise.. watch me come back.. just watch!

[Fades]

I like. I like. And i felt there are even deeper thoughts lurkin beneath ur lines, maybe i wil truly comprehend them someday. I dunno *smiles*

[An owl on the moon]

So darkly moving and vividly voiced. What a depth you evoke with each line, flowing perfectly into one crystal pool. Amazing.

[theludus]

I like it. For me it's one of the most memorable pieces I've read out of your stable. I feel as if you have some minor words occupying prime real estate as far as some of the line breaks go. But that's nit picking. This is detached like the morgue and up close and personal like a wedding memory. Nice work with the metaphors and the symbolism.

[Kevin Vorshak]

Very touching and deeply written piece. This writing has very good flow to it. I enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing.

[Emily B]

I'll drink to that. Pass the bottle. Seriously. My day is crazy.

Your quiet thoughts helped though. Your voice shines in this tribute to her. Loved it.