My God, Why?

An older piece, about two to three years in age. There are many problems with this piece, but I believe the message is conveyed well enough to merit it for rating.

 

I’m trapped here alone in this unforgiving darkness,

Wishing for a way that I could get out.

Freezing, forsaken, left with the dead.

No one, I repeat, no one to me was devout.

A weak flickering flame, my only light to behold,

Was cruelly extinguished by a man in a white coat.

He claims to be kind if you follow his ways,

Yet to him your entire life you must devote.

The call of the blackness, the sting of despair,

The pain and the anguish are all built on honesty.

The wildest pains and the worst shattered hearts

Are manufactured on this integrity.

A break in the system, or a system that’s broken?

Devout, devote, wrapped in the chains.

Slaughtered and excommunicated for being outspoken.

Slipping through the crack, or dodging the fissure?

Doing the harm, or blaming the wrong?

Not knowing your path, all hope is lost.

Fearing the day you hear the angel’s shattered song.

Kill your opponent, focus for your life.

Defile all others. Your innocence slain.

A break in the system, or a system that’s broken?

With this I ask, “My God, Why? Why all this pain?”

Reviews

[MarieCo214]

All I could think was "wow". It's a little off in the beginning, but towards the end, amazing. Short and so full of meaning. Truly, I am one for religion, though I never think of it like this. Still, I've loved this work you've done. I loved the subject.
Your rhymes are well done and once the rhythm balanced out, it really flowed. People will often question God and my faith can't be counted of the stable vote at all. The line, "A break in the system, or a system that's broken?" was my favorite and I liked it that you had repeated it. That's really a line to leave the reader thinking. Well done.

[chloe cruz]

Oh wow, this is really a beautiful piece and I'm glad you entered it! Thanks a lot, and I really have a good feeling that you're going to get an award. I love your style, and your verses flowed really well. Your ending verse was rich: With this I ask, "My God, Why? Why all this pain?" It topped off the poem very well.
Like I said thanks for sharing!

[Angela]

This is an excellent piece. It literally screams emotion, pain, and power. I like it a alot. You are a very talented writer. Great job with this.

[Amy Carrington]

Man in white coat= mental doctor, right?

[RHEA CROSLEY]

Very talented writing. Not entirely sure where your headed but thats alright ; it flows with mystery. Has the question been answered?

[Charissa N. Wilkinson]

Very well written, I like it.

[Fran Marie]

A very powerful piece of writing with deep emotions spilling forth, the strong closure carries the weight
of this piece especially the closing line~ Well penned~Fran Marie

[deadlife]

it is a great write...i love it. However what i felt is.... in a way i can relate myself and my writings to this (a bit though), this is a scream (a silent one) to God!
there is anger inside and outside...i can feel the heat....but for a moment my dear friend....think.... did God do this all?
I mean I just felt like this that we're blaming a wrong person, hmmm.. more clearly there is a question in the end...you're asking HIM, (though not blaming right away)....
Yes, there is a fault and someone did this...a big mistake......but who the hell is responsible?!!
I liked the way you mentioned a man in the white coat...( and i felt him to be an apostle of GOD), or he can be just a priest...be him anyone...doesn't matter.
You found him a bit responsible for all the wrong, I do agree... but to an extend.....take him as a normal human. Just a man, take him as me, as you, as anyone else...and he is responsible!

It's a good question to ask....Why this pain?......but do you think will God give you any answer....no he won't.
Can you give any explanation for which you're not responsible...for others mistakes....?

No one can...and why should we...

God gave us the gift of abundant Freedom...and my dear, this pain is a free gift to it. This is because of us.....we don't know how to use this freedom....and the result is so prominent!

just a thought... =]

Anyways..a wonderful write.

Well done!

Blessings.........

[Jennifer]

hmm, unforgiving darkness, clever!

[Corey Lunare-]

Don't we all question the motives of god? He claims to be so righteous in all his actions but in the end he is te cruelest of them all. God is a bo with a magnifying glass and we are the ants to quote someone can't remember who at the moment. You did a great job showing contempt towards god; heavin forbid he deserves oit. We are not meant to understand but arn't we beings of substance? Anyways, great job on this. I enjoyed reading it very much.