My shadow

first i wrote the poem then thought of a theme. i had no idea where the words were taking me.

I live a pretty solitary life,
since the day passed my wife,
dirty house, dirty environment, 
dirty place with outright silent. 

The land is deserted,
my mind is diverted,
lonely life,lonely place,
In nobodys heart i have no space.

Everytime i recall your final touch,
that was when beyond too much,
makes me sad,
going to be mad.

False vision i see everyday,
flying black cat on the side of bay.

In my lonely adventure,
there is nothing much of a venture.

My lonely steps followed by one,
thought would be someone's son, 
though i cant see him,
just like me, he's too slim.

Over the valleys and the mountains,
he follows me though every fountains,
not a minute away from me,
I shook my head, still i can see.

Fears the darkness, cheers the light,
he gets taller, when light gets bright. 
I raise my left, he raise his right.
I cant see him, i cant fight.

The one who understands my sorrows,
is the only one who follows,
it is no one but my shadow,
no heart, no soul everything is hollow. 

Author's Note

when i said my frnd, give me a topic and i write you a poem, he asked me to write a 32 line poem from the word bank with five words- solitary,flying,black cat, deserted and shadow included in it. So did i did justice to my challenge? what say you?

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A interesting poem. Hard topic life and death. Every person react different to death. Like in the poem. Some people fall to loneliness and hollow self. I do understand. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Avanthika]

thank you so much sir , glad you liked it , your reviews are inspirational for me.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[M.A.Rathore]

This is undoubtedly a wonderful creation where you have taken much care to your rhyming scheme. Though the title in itself is fabulous and as far description it is fantastic,easy and full of wise remarks here and there...
Thanks sharing so good a piece....

[Avanthika]

Thank you so much sir, ofcourse the credit goes to my friend too who gave me this challenge.

[M.A.Rathore]

It 's good. Keep it up..

[Mayank]

very interesting and the reason why it is because it's not the stupid teen love-break up chatter, somehow I have started hating all the heart break-up poem because people have made it so lame... this however, represent loneliness, the blank spaces in our head. Topic that is very strong and you did justice.

[Avanthika]

thank you yaar:) , you liked it , am happy :) just keep reviewing, you honest reviews are valuable.

[Happy hours]

you're friend give the challenge to the right person....nice writing :)

[Avanthika]

:) thank you anshul

[Dipanjan Dutta]

This is way more than justice. An excellent attempt on the fact that some of us do suffer from loneliness. This is a good write, simple and ordinary words but strong and powerful. Keep writing, you are doing better.

[Avanthika]

thank you my friend :)

[Jack Wolfe]

Hey, Avanthika, I always find it amazing when the words take on a life of their own; and your words no doubt match the deep theme embedded in this: life and death, the mournful spirit full of sorrow and alone. I had to read this twice to understand it to its full extent, but your ending tied it up so well, your shadow, the lone follower, interesting. You have a few places where you need Caps, such as ‘I’ to ‘I’ but besides that I’d say you managed to handle the challenge quite well.

[Avanthika]

Thank you so much sir , will be careful with the caps hereafter :)

[K.N. Thorn]

You more than did it justice, in fact I thought it was a true life event. I enjoyed this piece a lot but I think it still needs a little fine tuning in the structure and a few places I thought there might be a word missing.

[Avanthika]

sure i will work on it , thank you so much for reading it :)

[K.N. Thorn]

your welcome :) thank you for the RR i enjoyed your piece alot

[Prakruti]

Ofcourse you did it! :) :) Very well done!

[Avanthika]

thats very sweet of you dear, thank you prakruti :)

[hardeep sabharwal]

Story is told nicely,, and you have done justice to the topic and the challenge,, a good read

[Avanthika]

thank you so much hardeep :)