Killer

"This is my job." He laughed, humor non-existent in his voice. "I get paid to do this. I get paid to kill people like you, people that deserve it." The pistol shook in his grasp, the tip of the gun aiming directly at me. "I kill people every day, every single day, without any hesitation." Clear beads of sweat trickled down his chiseled cheek bones in thin, wet lines. "But you," The gun tilted to the side, its muzzle not moving an inch away from me. "You're different. You're a challenge. I've seen grown men die quicker than you. That's what makes this adventure so fun." The man's hand slowly moved to his face, his finger releasing the trigger, quickly scratching at the small beard that was beginning to form. "So I'm going to give you a head-start. Just like old times."

Author's Note

Not sure if I should give up on this or keep writing it. Any thoughts?

Reviews

[Dan Hiland]

What did you stop for? Let the narrator start running and see where this goes.

Once upon a time I was facing a final exam in a creative writing class. I was supposed to revise something I'd already submitted, but was sick of looking at the damned story. What to do?

Well, after agonizing over it for several days, I decided to write about a guy with writers block. It took on a life of its own and became one of the better things I've done.

Maybe these guys are in a cemetery. Or a nursing home. Or a mall. Or a funeral home. Or at a gun show. Put them somewhere with possibilities and see where the story goes.

[Odysseus Wanders]

Never give up on anything... ever....
It just may change during the not giving up....
So even if you start a new story... same thing... never give up.
Sometimes its all we have... you know.

My thoughts on this are.... its a beginning. Its a wide open beginning, one that is a fairly common motif as a starting point... so no issue there. All good.... but.... the thing that will distinguish it as (your) story... and possibly a good unique story... IS ... all in how you develop what you have from here...
So... I think the choir has spoken.... Keep going;)

[Shaquana Adams]

This is interesting. You should definitely keep going with this. I want to know what happens next! :)

[VALORMORE DE PLUME]

I suppose this is the prologue to a longer story? Or perhaps an excerpt? I believe you will find the majority of the reviews on this site to be encouraging and helpful.
As to your request for validation; Yes! Continue to follow the story as it unfolds in your heart.
Along the way, do some research on the rules of writing, styles, marketability, and discover the tools that will propel you into the hearts of the readers. The top priority for a writer is to get the story on the paper. After that comes copy-editing. We here, at WC are in various stages of that process. There are many books on the subject as well as online reference material.
We all want to be published. That requires hard work, beyond creating the story.

[Baby Ricochet]

It's a decent enough start so keep going

[A. Amos]

KEEP THE FAITH:) Write what ever you like, opening your heart need courage; all the best.

[Sami Khalil]

Practice makes perfect...Pen on to glory...:)............

[Fernando Dardón]

Well I strongly recommend you to do so, there are many questions I made to myself and I would like to know the answer. This piece is intriguing and interesting.
But what hooked me was the fact that the killer said "I've seen grown men die quicker than you", so what happened? Did he shot the other man on a nonlethal spot?
Well, I only hope that this story has a continuation

Fernando

[LonelyWriterMike]

Damn that was gritty and surreal and very well described. I can vividly picture it like a movie going off in my mind. Just keep at it-it'll come to life more and more. Good work. Don't ever give up especially if you got passion for what you do.