The Great Collapse

This is entirely inspired by listening to The Great Collapse by Shadows Fall, There is no other meaning behind it I swear

Your smile so strikingly beautiful,

Your laugh echoes through my head,

But as daylight fades....

You show your true side.

As my heart breaks,

Your hatred strengthens, 

This silence is all that's left.

Months pass,

Your scream is all that i hear.....

Memories of that night haunt me in everything i do

Your smile no longer an image in my head,

Your laugh nothing but a faint sound drowned out by my screams.....

I still see you,

In my dreams,

Every night I relive what I did to you..

The blood,

The tears,

I can't take this anymore,

It's time...

This time there is no way out,

So I take this blade,

And scream your name,

I'm coming,

Take me in,

And give me your heart once more.......

Reviews

[Trigorin]

Not bad, but I'd consider cutting some of those ellipses and checking your spelling and grammar. While you have a good concept that you could do a lot with, I feel like you haven't really done anything that memorable with this piece, unfortunately. The ending is good, but the last line seems a little cliche, and in some places I feel like your writing might be a little simple.

[Placenta]

Jordan, your poetry has always been amazing. Keep up the good work, friend.

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

This was awesome. I really loved it. Thanks for sharing. :D

[Miss Coral]

Great flow, haunting words. Great piece.

[Sanantha]

so very good. This is beautifully haunting.

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

chilling~ the overall transperancy of violence etched in memory and violence hinted at bind this poetic in a haunting aura of love gone terribly wrong~ powerful and dark poetic~