Your Symphony

oh yay my third sonnet, I think this is one of the best I've written so far.

You play me a soft melody of words

That only I can hear.

It makes me think of all the spring-time birds,

And like Snow White, to me they want to come near.

 

Your violin of beauty and strength

Come from within your mind.

Now my love for you has a longer length,

And it seems to me now that your music is kind.

 

Kind like the flowers that welcome our birds,

And kind like the smiles that quench for your thirst.

You are a two-syllable name, but I love you in thirds.

I know love can come around multiple times, but please tell me I am your first.

 

A quiet melody of songs for me, you play,

You don't have to ask me twice, yes I will stay.

Author's Note

Yeah, line 10 is odd hah

Reviews

[John Stussy]

Doesn't seem odd to me at all. Very sweet poem, hope this lasts for you. You should be writing some more amazing romantic pieces if it does. Best wishes for you two.

[An owl on the moon]

A wonderful write, full of tenderness and the joy of love! Amazing, perfect work!!!

[Flow]

Oh I see how your falling, this is very nice and romantic to me. Excellent write of feelings perfect actually

[Erotic Goddess]

Your violin of beauty and strength
Come from within your mind.
Now my love for you has a longer length,
And it seems to me now that your music is kind.

Ah, this is beautiful. I am sure that you will WOW your audience tonight. There is strong imagery and the last lines are perfect. Great job dear.

Love,
Stephanie

[Jason]

This was a sweet sonnet. I think you have some promising talent! Keep your eyes on the path that you follow!

[THE BLACK SEAL]

i think it was quite nicely executed. the line ten was odd on the first read but when i re read it it did not seem so odd i rather like it

[Maxwell]

I like the general idea of this poem (violin metaphor is ver' nice).

Only criticism: Try to work on getting some sort of rhythm; I know Shakespearean sonnets are in iambic pentameter, which this is almost but not quite. And of course, you're the poet, you can choose whatever pattern you wish, but without one at all it just seems a bit awkward. You may also get in the habit of "compacting" syllables so that when you say them out loud, you just say them really fast so it fits in tempo; well, be just wary of that.

Thanks for posting this, was a fun read.