Dreaming of Scotland

For a sweet woman. I won't forget.

                       Dreaming of Scotland

She was as pretty as a picture.
Fate had brought her to me at a dark tavern in Germany.
Her raging brown eyes and
auburn hair across gentle and soft shoulders.
Her fragrance of flowers open my senses to her beauty.

Her Scottish accent made me wish to hear her sweet voice.

I was told to be kind to her.
Love was dead to me.
I was infected with rage and hate.

I tried to escape her beautiful face.
Drinking and trying to blind my hunger for happiness.
She found me at the tavern.

She wrapped her arms around me.
Kissed my neck, face and lips.
She whispered "Love is a powerful storm.
Please don't speak and allow us to love."

In the mist of softness and opening new doors to joy and bliss.
Sometime you forget to create a safety net to protect  yourself
 and your sweet love.

A warm Germany summer allow two people to fall into the mercy
of a sweet love. Swim in the gifts young hearts can understand .

Summer was ending.
My Scotland beauty was going home.

She told me of Scotland.
The beauty of the country and the good people.

I told her.
I wanted her forever.
I talked of marriage.

Love took my hand.
She whispered.
"We had a short time to stay together.
I allow you into my heart. Sometime words don't mean a lot.
Love never does died. It only falls  asleep till we can open the
door again."

She went home.
I got lost in the booze and liquor.
Allowed the deserved load of pain to overtake my kindness.

I still went to the small lake.
And I dream of Scotland.

                     Coyote
                     2010

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I like the general write but the piece has tense issues which need to be resolved. It jumps from present to past tense and back like a cricket on a hot stove. You should pick one tense and try to stick to it throughout the verse. You should try also to avoid punctuating fragments but add them as coherent parts of sentences within the write. An example is this, "Her raging brown eyes." This is not a sentence but a fragment. Since a period ends a sentence it has no place at the end of a fragment, do you see? It would be better to say, "She had raging brown eyes and auburn hair across..." and make both those fragments one sentence.
The sentiments expressed are lovely but the form and structure of the write need work. "To write is human; to edit divine" Stephen King You have such a beautiful and natural gift for words and expressions and you have exceptional talent as a writer but it does not replace skill at a craft which requires it. Good writing is a craft, make no mistake. Tense and syntax and semantics may seem like boring considerations but they are tools. And if you've ever worked on anything you know that you can't do the job without the right tool. Writing is no different. So...familiarize yourself with the tools of your trade and you can become an expert craftsman and wordsmith easily with your already impressive natural talent for the job. Peace my friend, F.G.

[Cascara (aka Sprint Goe..]

your pleasant depiction of your lover is very nice

[Justin Littlefield]

Man oh man this is so hard hitting to me. Not just because it's written so beautifully, but I too fell for a girl from Scotland! Annis... I'll never forget her. She came to the states in the summer and stayed with family and I met her hiking. I only knew her for a short time but we were together every day and I think I can call it love. I still feel her emerald eyes piercing me when I see her pictures on Facebook... she's the one who got away. The way you put this was so brilliant. It made me remember my little piece of Scotland and I could put myself in your shoes. This woman you speak of sounds beautiful, she seems mysterious and one of those who live for the moment and cling to the memory of it, a free spirit... as was my Annis!!!!!!!!!! Wow man you have a wonderful way with words

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you for the comment. My Scotland girl is never forgotten. Good to remember the good times and people.

[rnuff]

wow such a sentimental sweet write. Out pour of emotions,
I enjoyed this write.

[Asilem]

Aw, this is so sweet. :)

[sid_yadav]

Wow, great write, i really like how you have portrayed the emotion so well. Kind of a sad ending for the main character but this is a very nice story, told with a great flow...Great work Coyote!!

[Sakshi]

this is a great read... love it

[deepblue04]

wow, I feel sorry for the main character, but it's really good!

[Art]

memories...they are forever embedded within the heart and mind...nice work

[Pax]

"We had a short time to stay together.
I allow you into my heart. Sometime words don't mean a lot.
Love never does died. It only falls asleep till we can open the
door again."
~ i always indulge your wisdom of love my friend...it speak so much of deep meaning..
well done again..

[Cole Hayley]

An increidble piece once again my friend. Do you ever let up? I never read one bad thing you've written.