Dreaming of Scotland

For a sweet woman. I won't forget.

                       Dreaming of Scotland

She was as pretty as a picture.
Fate had brought her to me at a dark tavern in Germany.
Her raging brown eyes and
auburn hair across gentle and soft shoulders.
Her fragrance of flowers open my senses to her beauty.

Her Scottish accent made me wish to hear her sweet voice.

I was told to be kind to her.
Love was dead to me.
I was infected with rage and hate.

I tried to escape her beautiful face.
Drinking and trying to blind my hunger for happiness.
She found me at the tavern.

She wrapped her arms around me.
Kissed my neck, face and lips.
She whispered "Love is a powerful storm.
Please don't speak and allow us to love."

In the mist of softness and opening new doors to joy and bliss.
Sometime you forget to create a safety net to protect  yourself
 and your sweet love.

A warm Germany summer allow two people to fall into the mercy
of a sweet love. Swim in the gifts young hearts can understand .

Summer was ending.
My Scotland beauty was going home.

She told me of Scotland.
The beauty of the country and the good people.

I told her.
I wanted her forever.
I talked of marriage.

Love took my hand.
She whispered.
"We had a short time to stay together.
I allow you into my heart. Sometime words don't mean a lot.
Love never does died. It only falls  asleep till we can open the
door again."

She went home.
I got lost in the booze and liquor.
Allowed the deserved load of pain to overtake my kindness.

I still went to the small lake.
And I dream of Scotland.

                     Coyote
                     2010

Author's Note

A old story from 1979. If you see mistakes. I appreciate the help.

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I like the general write but the piece has tense issues which need to be resolved. It jumps from present to past tense and back like a cricket on a hot stove. You should pick one tense and try to stick to it throughout the verse. You should try also to avoid punctuating fragments but add them as coherent parts of sentences within the write. An example is this, "Her raging brown eyes." This is not a sentence but a fragment. Since a period ends a sentence it has no place at the end of a fragment, do you see? It would be better to say, "She had raging brown eyes and auburn hair across..." and make both those fragments one sentence.
The sentiments expressed are lovely but the form and structure of the write need work. "To write is human; to edit divine" Stephen King You have such a beautiful and natural gift for words and expressions and you have exceptional talent as a writer but it does not replace skill at a craft which requires it. Good writing is a craft, make no mistake. Tense and syntax and semantics may seem like boring considerations but they are tools. And if you've ever worked on anything you know that you can't do the job without the right tool. Writing is no different. So...familiarize yourself with the tools of your trade and you can become an expert craftsman and wordsmith easily with your already impressive natural talent for the job. Peace my friend, F.G.

[That1Nerd23]

Wow...Marvelous piece!

[Mark]

I absolutely LOVE this line: "Love never does died. It only falls asleep till we can open the door again."

You grab words with your heart and they come out shiny and true Coyote. I loved reading this piece!


Some corrections:

"I talks of marriage" should be "I talked of marriage"

'lost in booze and liqueur" - unless you were drinking gran marinier or some other sweet concoction, I think you probably meant 'liquor', and booze already says that. maybe combine it with some other reference to what you were lost in?

Great work my friend. It has a sadness but also a truth to it that I think anyone with a heart can relate to. :)

[Allyson Wolfe]

I love this, incredibly so. It's just a story but a story with so much meaning, it is! It reminds me of an English boy I met so not so long ago. Love is such a fickle thing. It always leaves us in the end. I love this work!

I really like this write, such strong imagery provided. liqueur...i think is misspelt. I like the brief summary adn it's truthful what you have said about "Love never dies" It's the people who turn and walk away, their emotions and feelings. Love we can not see or touch kind of like faith, it's just something we have to learn to believe in
or so I guess. I love this.

[Matt "Mickey" Denney]

I like your writing! I enjoy the thoughts that are provoked by your verse. Scotland truly is a wonder (and being Scots-Irish, I am trying not to be biased). Thank you so much for sharing. I enjoy your writing! :)

[HulyaY]

Need I say more than what "moonbeam40" has expressed already. Most impressive number of views and reviews! This "reviewer" obviously agrees beyond the smallest doubt.

(As for the mistakes, you have already received a detailed corrective feedback from "Fabian G. Franklin").

[Kaa Na Kalyanasundaram]

Beautiful write. good story. The Scotland dream at the lake is great. With regards.

[John Fitzgerald]

it seems i pass a thousand opportunities like this a day, i knew I needed the confidence but something gets tired and shyness will not fight for me! :P
it is deeply personal as always and written more honestly than most. It would be a nice toucH to change lake to loch for a bit of athentic scottishness :)

[moonbeam40]

Dreaming of Scotland, Love is the most powerful force in the Universe, I loved ths poem, and remember to err is human to forgive is divine.
1359 views and 110 reviews, touched the souls of a lot of people, if we were perfect we would not be here, carry on Coyote, I am a devoted fan. moonbeam:)

[xx]

I agree with Fabian that there are some tense consistency issues in the piece, but I'll put in my own two cents about the use of fragments:

In many literary pieces (I recommend you read Sound and Sense by Perine, a wonderful anthology of many famous poets), use of sentence fragments is a powerful tool, something that can help the reader catch onto the intended rhythm, emphasize certain descriptions over others, and so on and so on.

After all, we don't really think in full sentences - rarely do we even really think in fragments of sentences, but the brief, almost muffled quality of the fragments you used in here echoes how we think, to a certain extent.

I adore this piece. :) But I agree with Fabian - I encourage you to edit this piece if you ever intend to brush up its appearance. Again, beautiful writing, and I hope you continue to write! :)

-Mina