FaLLinG...

Just something I wrote when I was bored... Try and advise a better ending..I wrote this at night and I was tired.

Falling...

I can see no light,
For every day seems like night.
O, how did things turn out like this?
Because now, I’m simply falling in an abyss.

I stepped too close to the edge, and looked down,
Your words pushed me over, and I went down...down without a sound.
Never would I of thought, you, of all people, did this to me!
Or did I do this to myself?...That answer, I can not see...

The air rushes past my face,
It seems as thought I’m falling to some horrid place.
Harshly, my body slams against the rocky sides,
I am just barely alive, I just want to die.

What did I do to deserve this pain?
I just can’t bare it anymore, it’s driving me insane.
I’ve been falling forever, with no sign of hope,
Every word you lash at me is just another cut on my throat.

Now I can only think about the past,
Because surely, not much longer can I last.
Out of sadness I closed my eyes and prayed for this to end,
Pain surged my body like I’ve never felt before, and then darkness..This is the end.

                    

                  -Chris J. Walton

Author's Note

Yeah...be as harsh as you want.
I wrote this at night and I was tired, so I sorta hurried the ending...
So try and see if you can think of a better one.

Reviews

[Bennett Logan]

I definately appreciate the sentiment behind this poem... Sometimes all it takes is hearing the wrong combination of words to push us over into despair. It's certainly something worth writing about. As far as the poem goes, it sounds to me as though some of the rhymes were forced -- like you were cornered into saying something you didn't necessarily want to say just for the sake of completing the rhyme. To remedy such situations, I would reccomend investing in a rhyme dictionary. If you don't feel like putting up the cash, there are a number of free ones on the internet. This way, if you're stuck on a rhyme, you can at least look up a rhyme that's better suited to the poem. It proved invaluable when I went through a phase of writing villanelles. Also, don't be afraid to use descriptive language in your poetry. Give your reader a picture to put together. Anyway, keep up the good work. I'm definately interested in reading more.

[Silent Pacer]

okay, well i personally write my best work when i'm half awake, but sometimes it makes no sense, so i'm not one to talk... but yours conveys a very clear message. so you're a step above me on that. and plus, i am able to see myself in this tale of woe, which is something i like in poetry. and i know i've been through the same hell that you have discribed, so all and all, nice job. i like it.

Wow! That was an excellent poem! I love how you described the fall into darkness. It was brilliant!! Keep it up!! Awesome Job!