A Short Poem..

something that I totally wrote out of nothing to do, and boredom.

We all need someone in our life
to save us from all the hurt and strife,
to be with us every step of the way
and who will promise they will stay.

Sometimes those promises are broken
and some words are left unspoken,
and that's where the hurt comes back
then your whole world seems to turn black.

For some people they are left on their own
thinking, healing, and recovering alone,
step by step they grow stronger
and for sure someday...it will last no longer.

No one knows how long it will last
the days can go by fast,
or they can go by slow
it is impossible for anyone to know.

Yes I have been talking about love
it seems that it's the only topic I can write of,
but I write about something nevertheless
and so I end this poem with hope of success.

Reviews

[Bennett Logan]

What you have written here is very honest and emotional, and that's good. It's a good start. I also think that writing should be fun, and you clearly enjoy it. If that's the case, then I reccomend you keep writing, practicing, and playing with words. Keeping that in mind, I only have a couple suggestions.

Firstly, I would strongly reccomend using more imagery. It's what will set your poetry apart from anyone else's. Use descriptive language to make your point -- tell your story with places, objects, colors, smells, touch, plants, animals, fungi, people, aliens, wicker baskets, etc... It'll make your poem uniquely yours and it'll give the reader something to chew on, so to speak.

Secondly (lastly, really) in my opinion, if there's going to be a rhyme scheme for a poem this short, it needs to be constant. This goes from ABCB in the first stanza to DDFF GGHH, etc. for the remainder of the poem. It comes off, I thought, sounding choppy.

As I said before, this is a good start, and you certainly don't have to revise what you have here. I always enjoy reading what you post, so keep it up and keep practicing.

I hope my suggestions can be of some use. Have a good one, sir, and keep up the good work.

[Miranda Richard]

Wow, I love it!