Chapter 1: Grace's Point of View

 

“Are you sure my parents wouldn’t mind me coming here?” I asked Raquel as we pulled up to Al’s Bar and Grill.

                “Trust me, they’ll never find out.” She assured me.

                I nodded as we began to walk in. Life had been hard starting high school. I started out knowing no one, being the quiet goody-good who sat alone at lunch. Then Raquel had offered me friendship, and I accepted, not knowing what I was getting myself into. Raquel was everything I wasn’t. A beautiful, skinny, and funny Hispanic, she had almost every boys attention and was one of the most popular girls at school. She had everything she could ever want, except one thing. Jesse Steele. He was attractive, athletic, and most importantly, single. But unfortunately for Raquel, he wasn’t interested. Which was what brought us to Al’s. There was a senior party that night, and Raquel took this as her chance.

 And of course, she wanted me right along with her. Although Raquel was only a junior with her learners permit, she had insisted on driving. I had no other option but to say yes. It was too late to back down.

As we entered, we were greeted to a dark room with flashing lights, filled with partiers. Not the type of place I had in mind.

I nervously followed Raquel as she made her way through the crowd, over to the bar counter. There I noticed Jesse with a couple of his friends. I turned back to Raquel, who was talking to the bartender.

“I’ll have a margarita.” She said.

The bartender regarded her suspiciously. “Are you 21 or older?”

“Yes I am,” she replied, flashing her older sisters ID.

The bartender grunter and went to get her drink.

She turned to me. “Grace, what do you want?”

“Oh, nothing” I replied quickly. “I’m…dieting.”

Raquel looked at me for a second, then shrugged. “Whatever.”

I looked around the room as she turned away from me. I had to leave. My parents would never want be here. I was from a very strong Christian family, and if they knew where I was, they probably wouldn’t never let me leave. This had all been a mistake. I had pictured the place as only a restaurant with a bar in it.

Well I had obviously thought wrong.

“Raquel, I gotta go.” I told her.

“What? Come on, we just got here!!”

“But I-“

“Seriously Grace. 30 minutes, tops.”

I hesitated.

“What could go wrong in 30 minutes? I’ll bet you’ll wanna be here longer once we start talking to people.”

I sighed. “Fine…”

She smiled and pulled me into a group, and the party began.

 

*~*~*

 

An hour passed and we still hadn’t left. Raquel refused to leave until she at least made an impression on Jesse. Which of course, gave me no way home.

                I decided to speak up. “Hey, we have to go now.”

                She turned to me, smiling. “No we don’t. I’m having the time of my life here.” It was obvious she had been drinking too much.

                “Really Raquel. We’re going. You said so earlier.”

                After a little persuasion, she finally gave in and we made our way out to the parking lot. Then it occurred to me. Even after bringing Raquel out, I still had no way to get back home. I hadn’t even started drivers ed, and Raquel was in no shape to be driving.

                “Well, come on!” she mumbled. “You took me outta there; let’s go.” She began staggering over to the drivers side.

                My mind searched for another way home. Drunk driving was illegal. Yet it was the only way. This is a quick drive, I reasoned to myself. It’ll be done before you know it.

                “Grace, hurry up!!” Raquel called.

                I got into the car uncertainly, as Raquel started the car. Then we were gone.

Reviews

[Christine McNead]

This is good! One tip is to put more detail and description before they leave. Also, make sure to really expand Grace's character so she is relatable and enjoyable to read about. I knew from the summary that I would love it...maybe you could check out my book, The Gathering? Based on your summary, it seemed a bit similar so I thought you might have a couple tips for me too. Keep it up! I can't wait for what's next.

[warrencook]

first off, i am not a published author, so my opinions can be taken as lightly as you wish. we are here to help each other, though. compliments don't better our writing, right? anyway, i read your start here, and i can only offer a couple things that jumped out at me as a reader. first, though it was brief, i felt you kind of told too much in the beginning instead of allowing it to be shown, which makes it easier to get into the story. and second, if you want to break into the industry, i alway shear the same thing al the time. you have to catch the reader's attention in the first sentences. just something to consider.

[Wassim Ausem]

Let me guess, something bad is about to happen to the kids in the car :P Great work, really pulls the reader in the front seat. Your dialog is solid and yet loose. Amazing work, seriously- right now I'm jealous of your talent.