the invisible feeling

if feelings were physical, resulting in disease or wounds,

I'd have fallen down in the street and someone passing by would have helped me up,

and they could run tests and fix me up with pills and stitches and get well cards.

but it's not like that in this world, because feelings are only chemicals,

spurting about in your brain and body,

not something you can touch and glue together.

sometimes I think it's not fair, that I deserve help like someone who'd been stabbed, or had any other organ fail,

other times it's good because I can still put one foot in front of the other and get somewhere,

but the problem is I'm aimed in the wrong direction and I get lost,

so even though I'm moving it's not like I'm going anywhere,

because I can't press a button or turn a knob to change myself to the right channel.

am I even in love or is it just desperation to cling to someone who cares just enough,

so I'd have a reason not to disappear into the woods to let ravens and worms find me,

or maybe I love him to have an excuse to feel as if there's a need for me to be here,

letting him do whatever he pleases even when I cry or rage because of him,

but usually I think it's good that I'm in love because it forces me to carry him on my back,

and the weight is a good reminder that I'm still here and that I need to keep moving.

if I had a wish I'd let people see what I feel, hear what I hear in my head when I'm alone and down,

so maybe they would understand and help me--reach in and stitch me closed or apply a salve or turn the knob,

because I can't reach in to do a system restore by myself.

oh, and I wish that there was a reset button for my brain,

because maybe then I could go down the path to where my life means something.

but maybe if people could see me for what I am they wouldn't help me, they'd abandon me like a leper--

but maybe if my lover could see my emotions as festering sores and vomiting blood he'd run in the other direction--

so yes, it's a good thing no one can see what's in my brain, as physical as my feelings.

at least this way I can exist in the same world.

it's probably for the best that I don't get wishes.

Author's Note

What is this? I don't even--

Well, any feedback is greatly appreciated :)

Reviews

[kitty]

Have you ever wondered if in this world of many you are ....alone? Does everyone/anyone see what you see or interpret things the way you do? When you fathom this out you could be on your own in this vast world with your own thoughts and emotions. You have dished out food for thought in this one ... who is there to challenge these words? Profound write!