Valentines Day bah humbug!!

Valentines Day gone wrong.. *smile*

 

Twas the night of Valentines....and all thru the house,

None of my phones are ringing, and I'm tryin to go out.

It could be to a movie, a play..or to eat,

I just cant stay here..watching Survivor repeats,

All my friends are booed up, but I dont really care

I'm hoping, some lovin soon will be here.

 

Im so bored, I cant take it, Lawd, what do i do?

Im sick of playing Nintendo, X-box and PS2

I would go to the gym, but i just sprained my wrist

Last night with some beer and bench pressing a Twix

I take a sip of Kool-Aid..and reflect back on my day

I only got 1 note on MySpace, but it was from a dude that was gay

 

Uh oh...my phones ringing, who could it be ?

I pray that its Brandi, and not Stephanie

Its that chick from the internet,w/ no pic on her page

Gotta sexy voice though, and seems to be of legal age

She says she looks like Beyonce, but shes a lil bit taller

Says she can do things that make me wanna holla

She says shes knows what a man really wants

And her butt's so big, I can see it from the front

 

I guess i wont be leaving my house now at all

Time to prepare for a Valentine booty call

All stockings are hidden, thongs stuffed in the trash

Gotta conceal the evidence of all girls from my past

A shower is taken, I Febreze the couch

I do 20 sit ups, to try and tone up my pouch

 

Then..outside my home, there arose such a clatter

I see a Santa like figure...but this seems slightly fatter

I hear my dogs barking, and shivering with fright

What manner of creature, stalks my driveway this night

As it closes in on my door, with a big purse in its hand

I realize its" Beyonce"..but she kinda looks likes a man

She steps in..her skirt showin off more than I'd like to see

She reeked of stale corn chips, and I'm thinking "why me?"

We sit on the couch, cuz I'd hate to be rude

And kick her out into the street, for lookin like a dude

I put on a movie, but before the title screen

She hops in my lap and moans.."make love to me"

I feel a tear roll down my face, I'm about to meet my maker

Cuz if there's any Beyonce in this chick, then this broad must have ate her

 

I toss her off, soon as she reaches for my belt

I run around screaming..."please somebody help!!"

"Hey Donna!!, hey Momma!!...im trapped in my kitchen"

Hey Billy...hey Lily..this heifer is trippin

Then with a crash..my cousin slams open the door

To the rescue, half laughin, he tackles the boar

We're swinging pillows, and foam bats to subdue this beast

Then we drag her outside and toss her purse to the street

We stand outside..for a while, let her get to her car

She doesn't seem to be upset, then says I'll call you tommorow

 

"NOOOOOOO!!!" I scream as she rolls off into the night

"Valentines Day sucks.. " I mutter as her car disappears from sight

Cupid is the DEVIL...lil pink punk,

Well the nights still young...TIME to get DRUNK!!!...hahahaha

 

*disclaimer*.. nobody was injured during the writing of this poem

 

Reviews

[Cherie]

*disclaimer*..nobody was injured during the writing of this poem...I beg to differ. You've crushed any superobese fantasy of you ever sharing your sweettarts with them.

[Richard Williams]

Congrats on your placement for your Valentine's Day poem, good job.

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

Congrats on you great winning Valentines poem. Well done.

[WriterMe]

ohmigawsh, this was hilarious! Completely brilliant.

I feel a tear roll down my face, I'm about to meet my maker
Cuz if there's any Beyonce in this chick, then this broad must have ate her

This was a really good write. Kudos to you sense of humour and may you have better Valentines Day in the future =P

[Marie Anzalone]

Internet.hookups.suck.a*s.Save.your.sanity.man.don't.freaking.go.there...

This was hilarious. Two thumbs up from me.

[24KMind]

HJ dude you know this is one my all time faves....i better see more of your work up here! ;-)

[Brianna Brie]

"NOOOOOOO!!!" I scream as she rolls off into the night
"Valentines Day sucks.. " I mutter as her car disappears from sight
Cupid is the DEVIL...lil pink punk,
Well the nights still young...TIME to get DRUNK!!!...hahahaha

Cool poem...you have me in stitches. LMAO

[Constance L. Hartwell]

hahahahaha! you're a comedic genius! This poem had me laughing from beginning to end! I hope you learned your lesson lol

[ms.trelly]

OMG this is so funny! Awesome poem!

[Thunderlyrics]

This was so hilarious..and you structured it so very well. I can see a lot of thought must have gone into this...unless your imagination is just that dead on!!

Loved this truly