The Doll That Lived

This Just a preview of the book that i been thinking about working on.

"Emily We have huge surprise for you down stairs come on down and see what it is." Mom yelled out.

Hmm i wonder what it could be? i had to check to the calender to make sure i was thinking right. It wasn't my birthday. It wasn't Christmas or any other major holiday so what was the surprise i wondered. I raced down to see what it was. I looked all around and spun around 6 times before spotting where it was it was large long cardboard box. 

I looked up at my mom and dad 

"what is it?" I asked while feeling slightly confused. 

"Open it we know your going to love it." Dad said with excitement. 

I started ripping the box to shreds. I was so anxious to see what was inside. 

when i opened it was a doll a pretty doll with long dark and blue ocean eyes. 

"I Love It" I said to my mom and dad. 

I know it's weird for a sixteen year old to still be playing with dolls but that's what happens when you been home schooled your entire life. This marks my 16th doll i gotten and i love her already. 

"Mr. Jenkins told  me they just opened a doll shop down the street and this was the first doll they found in the store. I talked to the owner and he gave her to me for free." My dad said while looking at the doll smiling. 

"Here she came with a card too."

 I Read the card out loud. 

"Hi My name is Susie May and i will be your friend forever and never stop loving and caring for you." 

"My goodness she is too cute." mom said while laughing. 

"How old is this doll anyway dad?"

"hmmm i don't know the shop owner said she's been around since the early 1900's. 

Wow i thought my very own vintage doll i already knew she would be my best friend her smile was kind of haunting but at the same very pretty and she is about 3 feet tall which love because the rest my dolls are short and small. Me and my parents talked for a few more minutes and then i took her up stairs and showed her around my room. Even Though i knew she couldn't talk back i still talked to her anyway i talk to all my dolls i mean after all they are my only friends. 

"Okay Susie May this my room and your room now too say hello to all of your sisters" I said to her while holding her in my arms. 

"Your going to have so much fun here and were do so much together" she just stared at me with that beautiful haunting smile. 

"Emily Dinner Honey" Mom Shouted.

I sat Susie May down in my rocking chair and raced down to eat dinner. During dinner i kept hearing this cracking noise up above me like someone was opening and closing the door in my room. I gobbled down the last of my dinner and went back up to play with Susie May but when i got back in my room she was gone. 

Author's Note

This just a rough draft something i was thinking about while i was reading the night of Living Dummy by R.L. Stine im kind of a freak for living doll horror movies

Reviews

[Mz]

I can't read stories like this, I'll get paranoid around my own dolls and teddy-bears. Brrr. Creepy little guys.

Story definitely has promise. Although, yes, it's structure and wording may need a little work.
Suggestion: In the future give another read to your writing before posting it to eliminate the more obvious grammar and/or punctuation errors. Just makes the story even better to read for the rest of us. :)

Overall a fabulous A for effort and creativity.
Rock on.

[Vee Cole]

thank you so much for reading. And yes I noticed that my structure is my weakness for some reason I forget to do that. Next till I'll try reading it more than once to see if I can find any more errors. Thank you for Everything :)

[Ama May Cooper]

This seems lacking in something, the initial idea of the story is brilliant. The plot unfolds nicely but i feel this needs more. The sentences are short , description is lacking and it seems like bare framework of a story. Nothing really seems to happen there is no ending as off such it sorta trails off.
I love the characters, teh quirky young girl and her dolls. She is a fantastic creation and i can see much that you can do with her.
Keep pushing this idea forward dont give up on it as it has great promise to develop into something fantastic.

[Vee Cole]

thank you so much for reading. and this is just a rough draft. of what's to come im going to start working on it sometime this week.

[Kevin S.]

It was good! I like how you made Emily sound like a little girl other than her actual age. It tells more about the character. Good job!

[Vee Cole]

wow thank you for reading im trying to find the story you requested for me to read and it was getting good too.

[Allison]

I love this! It's really short but still very interesting!!

[Vee Cole]

Aww thanl you so much this just a rough draft of what I have so far in my mind I will post more soon thank you for reading :)

[Allison]

Ooh! Ok! And no problem! ^^

[Mushiegirl]

Good idea and good start; it's a rough draft but that is where all good works begin. It conveys creepy and a foreboding of things to come - I hope you continue and as I sit here and eye my teddy bear...

Mushie

[Vee Cole]

Thank you for taking the time out for reading my story. Yeah I think I'm going to work on it a bit more do some research first. Lol don't. Look too hard he might move

[TobyWriting]

No review until part two :P

[Vee Cole]

Lol Okay I'll write a outline tonight and post some more this a just a preview of what I been working on.

[DA]

It has some grammar mistakes and I noticed the font changed midway. But its a great draft! Hope you change the pace of it. Good Luck ;)

[Vee Cole]

Thank you for reading i tried to change the font back but it wasn't working for me... let me try again.

[Admiral Kirk]

This is pretty good for a rough draft! My rough drafts usually suck. :D I noticed the font changed halfway through, but that's no big deal... :) Also, for future stories, might I suggest starting a new paragraph each time someone starts talking? It helps with the flow. Overall, great story. Very interesting. You might want to build on the living part a bit, but other that that, great job! I really liked this story, thank you for sharing it with me.

[Vee Cole]

Thank you1 and i gotcha on that im so used to writing in notebooks that i have a habit of doing that. yeah i am going to build on the living part just a bit more. i just wanted to keep it kind of short i didn't want to ramble the story on. Thank you for the tips and thank you for reading.

[Admiral Kirk]

No problem. After i posted the review, I read that it was a preview of a book, so I see why it wasn't built on now... Great story/preview of a story! I liked it.

[Vee Cole]

thank you so much. im really focusing on this one book I'm writing so far i have 2 chapters.

[Admiral Kirk]

Cool! Good luck!